9:02 PM
recently rite, im beginning to feel autistic(zi4 bi4).like, i c my frenz sitting at a table n ill purposely go away frm tt table n sit somewhere else. everyone's beginning to find fault with everyone lah. im beginning to cant stand S1, beginning to get sick of H n S n beginning to want to push B away. i dunno what's wrong with me. i was thinking, if i hadnt become sisters wif thm, not even twins with jesslyn and/or sherry, would i have been happier? wld i still have been close to thm? probably not huh. but i dun care animore. i feel like ap-ing thm. i wanna be cold n distant to her. i wanna forget everything.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
9:20 PM
The following contents may be too so called R-rated for the faint hearted. Please leave immediately if u feel uncomfortable. I juz need somewhere to crap.
The cool water beat upon her back rhythmically, forming droplets of water on her delicate skin. The water ran in tiny rivulets down her body, washing away every trace of dirt on her body. Her normally creamy skin was tinged with a hint of red, showing signs that she had been scrubbing away frantically at it, trying to scrub away every single one of those memories in the past. She wanted to start all over again, she wanted to start anew. But there was no way she could do so.
Why do people have to be so hypocritical? Why is it that people will put on a false front and be all smiles for a person when deep down inside, they knew that they hated that person? And why do some people ignore another person just because that person happened to be someone whom they hated? Why?
Her chocolate brown orbs filled up with tears as she thought of all the things her so called friends had done to hurt her in the past. She had shut her heart out to them but as time went by she slowly opened it up again to those whom she thought really cared for her. Little did she know that in time, she would regret ever forcing the door to her heart open again to let these people in. For although some people DO care for her, they’ve been overshadowed by those who don’t. Because all in all there are NO true friends in the world.
Now she knew. Now she knew that when they said “friends forever”, they didn’t mean it. Forever is never forever. She turned the steady stream of water off, and slowly began to dry herself. The tears which she had been holding in began to fall. Under the warm orange glow of the light in the bathroom made them sparkle like liquid diamonds. She looked up at herself in the mirror. A sweet looking face stared back at her. Was it because she looked so innocent that others thought they could make use of her? She shook her head and tried to get these unhappy thoughts out of her head. She dressed herself and stepped out of the bathroom.
Her wet feet left footprints on the cool marble floor. She sat herself on the velvet-covered stool in front of her vanity desk and picked up the purple comb lying on it, drawing it through her hair. She continued staring at herself in the mirror. Many things rushed through her mind in a flurry. WHY? WHY?! WHY?!?!
Finally, she could hold it in no more, she ran to the window and screamed as loud as she could. An anguished, helpless scream in which despair could be heard. She screamed till a sob broke through. She turned her back to the wall and slid down it, clutching her head in her hands and cried. Her tears were like liquid diamonds, so precious, so rare. Noone had ever seen her cry before. She had always portrayed a tough, unbeatable image. Her eyes, once full of determination and strength had emptied. They were blank and seemingly unseeing. She stared into space, allowing the diamonds to continue sparkling on her face. All of a sudden, she got up, ran as fast as she could to her desk, whipped out a glinting object and in a swift sudden motion, she brought it down and with an cry full of pain, fury and helplessness, she crumpled to the floor before darkness enveloped her and she drifted off.
That evening, her mother knocked softly on the cheerfully painted lime green door and stepped in.
“*****, dinner’s rea…” her eyes grew as huge as saucers and a scream escaped her lips. Her only daughter lay lifeless on the floor, a pool of ruby red blood under her wrist where a nasty slash had appeared. There were still garnet drops of blood on it. Her jet black hair with the crazy electric blue streaks was fanned out behind her. Her luscious lips were a soft powder pink and her innocent eyes were closed forever. Her creamy skin was still tinged with pink and her face was still tear stained. On her left shoulder was something her mother had never seen before. A tattoo of a beautiful black cat, a perfect copy of the girl’s pet kitten. Her mother fell to her knees beside the peaceful looking body of her daughter and started to cry too. The little kitten padded softly into the room and crawled on top of its owner’s tummy, curled up into a ball n lay there motionless. For some reason, its tiny heart had stopped beating.
Just as the girl died, so had the cat.
This means nothing ok. it’s just a little something I really HAD to write.
KITTY~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
4:17 PM
im so frigging BORED. juz went to bunny's blog n got super jealous of those gorgeous watches she bought. at a so so so super duper CHEAP price of $5 each. hmmph.n i bought my black leather watch for $8 n it doesnt even fit. *pissed* nvm... nvm... i shall not b pissed. i tink i slacked e whole day! i did all my homework except tt dumb march holiday assignment. note: HOLIDAY ASSIGNMENT which, due to my laziness, hasnt been completed. but im still so guai rite. i do all my hw liao. thn i watched tv..BRATZ!!!(so dumb..)GROOM MY ROOM!!!(quite cool)SUPERMAN!!!(i nvr knew superman was this ugly)n thn i went for lunch. n thn i came back n had an ice cream n ive been online since thn. let's see, so far ive added loads more songs to my poor overloaded mp3, visited bunny's blog, talked to bunny, checked my mail, went 2 e toilet thrice, read e April issue of reader's digest, n abt to go to e toilet agn... soon aniwae.im very bored can. n i kp thinking abt him. ok not KEEP lah but once or twice only. dammit i wish tt thing had nvr happened. n i saw him agn ytd!!! ARGHH!!! ohwells, juz in case bunny tells me to resign to fate agn: go to e tagboard... heex...*off to da toilet*kitty~p.s: I WORSHIP DA TOILET!p.p.s: actually i dun but hu caresp.p.p.s: hey, this p.s thingy is fun!!p.p.p.p.s: tho it IS sorta dumbp.p.p.p.p.s: but dun u think it's nice?p.p.p.p.p.p.s: someone call e ambulance, ive gone crazy from boredomp.p.p.p.p.p.p.s: still, it's my own fault for not doing wad i shld b doing rightp.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s: anyway, if anyone visits my blog pls tag can... i need to knw tt at least SOME ppl visit my blog. lolp.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s: im juz wanting some attentionp.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s: n i seriously need the toilet.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s: byep.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s: hope u had fun reading this.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
9:35 PM
y do i dammit kp thinking abt him?? i dun even like him. ok mayb i do but i dunno can. he's juz shuai. actually not so shuai. i dun even know him n i tink he doesnt knw i even exist. ok actually he does. he HAS to. lol. so dumb, im like contradicting myself e whole way? haiz... bbz. :( make me stop tiking abt him!!!*wails*kitty~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
8:51 PM
oops, sorry haven posted for so long, too lazy n nothing to talk abt mah. neawe, today we went to some farm called kok fah farm where the main attractions were not the plants, not e vege, not the sprinklers or e aloe vera honey drink which we paid $2 for, which we also thought we got free, BUT!!!*drumroll pls* THE ANIMALS!!!there were so many animals lor. there was this really clever black colored bird which could erm squawk human language. daniel happily decided to say e f word to it. n it also happily decided to repeat it. thank goodness it had horrible pronunciation, or u have no idea what wld have happened. n thn there was a pair of really adorable lovebirds. one was red n yellow n e other was green n blue. n one very ostracized little budgie(i tink). kena lock up in e same cage as e lovebirds thn e lovebirds stick tgether mah. so it kena ostracized lor. thn there was a red, blak n white squirrel (xiangyun) *cough* (xiang yun)... n guess hu shared it's cage? a big fat reptile. sorry i dunno wad it is lah. dunno whether is iguana or chamelon or wad. n the most impt ones of all!!! my cousins!!! nono, i dun mean e ones hu have eyes n nose n mouth n ears n two arms n two legs n walk on two legs n look like human, i mean e cats!!! omg, there were these really sweet, adorable kittens. one white n one brown., n thn their mother was gray. their eyes r all so beautiful! ok, they are so beautiful as a whole. their had tiny heads, big ears, tiny bodies n really really huge innocent blue eyes. i think the eyes were a light ultramarine(go find out how tt color looks like if u wan). they were so so so so sweet! n thn they were eating when we first saw thm. but e first time, we didnt c e mama cat. e second time, they were huddled at e back of tt little wdaever tingy, dozing away. but e mama cat was staring at us with her huge blue eyes.thn erm, i n clarine shared a mango aloe vera pudding. the aloe was homegrown on their own farm. n thn they show us how to cut e aloe vera. n thn we bought 2 mai ya tang each n a mango pudding to bring home. my mai ya tang was blueberry n honey+strawberry flavor. e blueberry one made my whole tongue GREEN. *bleahx* aniwaes, i saw him agn. 4 times today. pffft... irritating. nvm. aiya nothing else to write abt le. so bb.kitty~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
10:31 PM
so i haven posted for a long long time. sorry lah, not only was i too bz, i was oso too lazy lah. even tho i visit my OWN blog everyday to check if anyone bothered to tag. -.-aniwae, wth, we were rather kindly given a whole hr to learn a dance which SOMEBODY claimed tt she'd cheorographed. little did we know that we were gonna waste 45 MINS learning a stupid, ok not exactly stupid, quite nice. but one measly little move for e ENTIRE SONG. n i HUMILIATED singing tt song out loud for her so that she cld dance to it. but apparenly "I FORGOT! OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT!" tt somebody also came up with a really wonderful idea of how to spilt up a public duty. for hell's sake! will she juz use tt tiny little altho pea-sized but i know still can b used thing called a BRAIN in her head that is somehow barely covered by a mushroom like crop of hair?? rather rude description but i dun care.and speaking abt shit. our song was rejected. "hollaback girl" by Gwen Stefani. we thought tt it was rather nice n good to dance to n wld get e crowd high but juz bcos of a few 'shit's here n there (not a FEW but im telling a white lie so ignore it) we cannot use it. pls lor, like, everybody shits everyday dun tell me u nvr shit b4. it's human nature, which leaving thing doesn't shit u tell me? i bet u they also got say e word 'shit' b4 lor. wad's wrong with it can? not like e audience will give a damn lydat. but e worst thing was tt we already had a few steps for e song le. fortunately, we were able to incoporate e dance moves into our new song.new song -- Supermodel by S.H.E. today when we were training, the rest decided on hung up by madonna. pls lor, tt song sux big time. really! it's like, omg, as ny puts it: "gives ppl the idea tt we're trying to seduce thm". ahaha, thought tt that was a pretty good description since i sorta felt that way too. and when we went at arnd... 2? we found out tt they only had a few steps for hungup's chorus. so finally after letting them listen to "Supermodel" and ME (so embarrassing) demonstrating e dance i n xy cheorographed for thm to c, they finally agreed on supermodel. e worst thing however, is that the ppl hu came earlier in the day wld not knw e dance by monay since some r still not coming tmr. so sorta taught the rest e steps thn erm... altered abit here and there. with someone complaining that she still wanted "hung up". n thn... somehow or other we finished cheorographing e whole song. altho it is still not exactly perfected but nvm. seriously, i danced for at least 2 hrs when i came back, trying to perfect tt dumb dance. dun tink i manged to tho. i also learned something real interesting today. anna n lynette can come up with really good dance moves. n anna also dances rather well. better than me actually. i frm middle of e formation end up at e tip of it. alone. :c( *sniff* but it's ok, it proves that i dance well so i shld actually b GLAD. yea, glad. uh huh. im trying to qi1 pian4 zi4 ji3 can. i actually feel abit bad leh. tmr is suyu's ndae thn we go n prac dance. like abit bad to her lydat. even tho i dun like someone i really dun wanna deprive thm of time with their family on their birthdays. going back to yew tee agn tmr at 10 in e morn. (SO EARLY!!!) i nt sure whether anna n lynette gg at 10 tmr but i knw huien is. e rest all coming at arnd afternoon i tink. sad lah. ys not coming tmr. she got church.... in juz one more day's time it's gonna b e annual rv ug combined camp. which im so totally NOT looking forward too. esp since im in this platoon with a certain person. i like "Amber" but i dun like a certain platoonmate. not that i can do aniting abt it. but nvm. our theme this yr is "GEMS" so it's: S = sapphire, J = Jasper, A = Amber (MINEMINEMINE!!),B = blood-stone. the irony of it all. sapphire's flag is blue, yah, jasper(brown)'s flag is... red?? Amber(orangey reddishy yellowy)'s flag is YELLOW? n blood-stone(quite obviously red) is green. ohmy, haha. the world's going upside down but it's ok lah i tink. tmr actually nd do flag de lor. but we cant. sec 2s tt is. have to do e dance. im like totally not looking forward to e camp man. i dun wan have pt!! or hike. or triage. cuz i knw im gonna die in all of thm. every single one. as they say, cats have nine lives. ive wasted *counts* at least 3 of thm already, including those i mentioned above.great, 6 or less lives left. -.- i feel so dumb. i really hate camps u knw. they make u so dirty n stinky n sweaty n wadever. so sue me for being a cleanliness freak can. im juz concerned abt my body's well-being. n dammit i cant get tt stupid supermodel song outta my head. i kp thinking i din pack something leh. cant rmb wad it is tho. (i haven pack yet lah) im oso super worried abt our dance. i dunno wad to do wif e rest hu din come today n r not planning to go tmr. they really super slack lydat leh.but haiz, nothing we can do rite. aiya i wan go slp liao lah *checks clock* it's already 11 plus liao. nitez. still hafta wake up so goddamned EARLY tmr juz to dance.kitty~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
