I don’t know what possessed you to do something like that. But I do understand. Cuz at some point in time I wanted to do it too. But I couldn’t bring myself to. I wasn’t brave enough, I didn’t have the heart to just put it against my skin and slash. Maybe to me it was such a cowardly thing not to do it at the moment in time but now that I think back, I believe that I did the right thing. I know that at that point in time, the mentality is that no one else is gonna give a damn about you so why bother giving a damn yourself? Perhaps all this isn’t even my problem but I can say that we’re really really concerned about you ok. I can understand that, really, because I went through it too. It seemed like such a good idea didn’t it. Kill yourself and get it over with. Cut and cut so that it will hurt so so much that you can’t think straight and won’t focus on the hurt. In fact, if I really seriously cannot take it anymore some day, I’ll probably just whip out a penknife and do it straightaway. But think. It’s not that nobody cares about u. she’s right. People do care, but not the person you want to care. Have you ever thought that when others find out, they’ll be hurt even more? Like your family members? How would you feel if you found out that your child decided to scar himself for life? Maybe you don’t regret it right now but you most likely will, years later. You’ll regret the stupid thing you did. Sorry, no offence meant but it WAS a stupid thing to do. Like I said, I would have done it too, had it not been for the fact that I could not bear to do it. and if I think back after HAVING done it, yea, I agree that I will have no regret. I know how you feel and if you think you’re all alone, no. you’re not cuz no matter what, as long as we are frenz(yea that includes bunny), be rest assured that at least you still have us to care for you. Mushy as it may sound I’m serious. That’s what friends are for. They’re there for you to share your problems with. They are there to stand by you in times of need. Don’t be afraid to trust. I was afraid too. I trusted the wrong person too much. I ended up getting hurt. It took me years to learn to trust again and I’m still apprehensive but, it really feels good when you at the very least KNOW that there is someone there for you to tell your troubles to, that there is someone you can trust.so just want you to know that whatever it is, me n bunny r still here for you lah. And you know that the rest of your friends are too. If you would only, well, trust. I dunno whether im right or wrong and there is probably neither right or wrong but whether it’s right or wrong, I have no idea what I’m crapping on this line so forget it and cheer up. Tell us your problems if you want. Keywords: IF YOU WANT. We’re not gonna force you to but don’t think so much. Even though thinking is still good for your brain. Please please please don’t scare us so much anymore. Please.

And another thing. My progress report. I can go jump of the building now lor. Everybody thinks I dun give a damn when I fail my subjects. Really? I don’t think so. Tears fell but no one saw. Maybe it was because I hid them well. I don’t know. To YOU(another you not the same as the previous one) I did not study for my examinations at all. To you I just slacked and slacked and slacked the whole day, watched tv, played the computer and not study at all but that’s not true. I studied. I really did. This exam was probably the only one I ever really studied for in my secondary school years. But because I didn’t get the grades that YOU wanted, I did not study. I don’t see what’s the point of me slaving away at my work when the response I get upon showing you my results is: har? Jiang4 lan4 ah? sure, everything I do is lan4 to you. Nothing is good. No, not even my English getting A1. why? Because: 78 only? So lan4. why never score better? See lah. Never study, everyday watch tv watch tv. Exam come also don’t study! See, even when I get an A1 you’re still not satisfied. When I get 70+ you want 80+, when I get 80+, you want 90+, when I get that too, you ask me why I don’t get full marks and whether it is because of careless mistakes and you start scolding me again. But when I DO get full marks which was when I was young, you had no reaction. No praise, no words of “well done!”, no nothing. When I won a writing competition, I was so so so elated. I rushed to show you the letter I received that announced my results. And you wouldn’t even give me a second glance, claiming that if I could waste time on something like that, why couldn’t I score better results for my exams. So to you it’s all marks isn’t it. You want to know why I dropped so much. I don’t think it’s fair of you to accuse my friends of influencing me to become like this. Because they didn’t. You did. You kept saying that whatever I did was lan4. when I got high marks, you didn’t even encourage me to do better. Ok so you did. But did you praise me for doing well? No. I don’t need praises so that I can become even more swollen headed, I want them so that I’ll be motivated to do better! But do I get them? No! because all that I ever get is demands. Demands for better results! I got so sick of them I didn’t even know what the whole point of studying was for anymore. Everybody says that studying is for our own good, yes,. It’s true. But once you lose your interest in studying, it’s hard to get it back. And I lost my eons ago. Maybe I was inspired to do better but not by you. Because I wanted to prove to you that I could actually do very well. Nah. It didn’t work. Because I STILL didn’t get the marks you wanted! Is everything so academically based now? I have no idea. But I know that every problem has a root and I don’t know what this problem’s root is.

Ok so I was crapping for that last paragraph and didn’t know what I was saying so ignore it. maybe ill continue that story someday. J

Love,
Kitty~