Tuesday, October 31, 2006
8:23 PM
I can't believe I watched High School Musical twice in two days. Once yesterday, and once today, with Beryl and Xiang Yun who came over to my house just to watch that show. Lol. And I'm in love with it. Okay maybe I'm abit lag since everyone else has already stopped gushing about it but does anybody else think that Chad [Cordin Bleu Reivers] is hell loads better looking than the dearest male lead-Troy [Zac Efron]? Even though he has crazy hair. And he dances damned well too. But he's still cute. And is more leader-ish than Troy. Just my opinion... *shrug*
Plus, Gabriella is so very very very very very very very very very amazingly pretty. That's right, I'm jealous... of her looks. Haha, kidding. But yes, she IS very pretty. Isn't she?
And I'm in love with the song "when there was me and you". IT ROCKS. Seriously. I know alot of people find that she seems cuckoo due to the fact that she looked like she was drunk or something, the way she moved but the song is super super nice! Many people like "breaking free" better but this is better. *nods* Yea and I love the lyrics too. Love them so much I'm still going to post them up here no matter what.
It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care
I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you
I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song
Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you
I can't believe that I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you
THERE. *beams* It's super super nice. And I know everyone agrees with me. *whispers* A little bit of self-delusion won't kill. And anyway, WINX is going to replace Swap TV at 12pm daily on Kids Central. LIKE WTF?! I mean I love winx and all but Swap TV is definitely a better choice. If you haven't watched it before, pity on you. You missed a fantabulous show.
And is it just me or are Chad and Gabriella more compatible than Troy? *muses* Right, better scram before the soppy romantic headed people in love with the omance between on-screen couples like Troy and Gabriella come after me...
And how come I ALWAYS seem to notice that the supporting roles fit the lead characters better?
LOVE
KITTY
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
11:33 PM
If you have the crazy, overactive, immensely wild imagination like yours truly, these song lyrics should make you think of really really beautiful images.
[these lyrics are songs from Enya's Amarantine album]
WILD VIOLET
The poignancy of things
A purple flower
The blossoms of spring
And the light snow of winter
How they fall
The beaty of nature
A green leaf and
Autumn colors
The voice of the wind
The song of birds
A sad sea
A joyful sea
Mountains
Pebbles
A wild iris
[right, this may sound more like a random poem than a song but this song was sang in a *consults album lyricsbook* some weird language. but the title in that tongue is called Sumiregusa]
Someone Said Goodbye
Summer. When the day is over
there's a heart a little colder;
someone said goodbye,
but you don't know why.
Somewhere there is someone keeping
all the tears they have been weeping,
someone said goodbye,
but you don't know why.
Is there a reason
why a broken heart begins to cry?
Is there a reason
you were lost although you don't know why?
Give me a reason
why you never want to say goodbye.
If there's a reason,
I don't know why.
Always looking for a meaning,
all the time you keep believing,
but I don't know why
you won't say goodbye.
Even when the sun is shining
you don't see the silver lining,
but I don't know why
you won't say goodbye.
Is there a reason
why a broken dream can never fly?
Is there a reason
you believe and then you close your eyes?
Give me a reason
why you hide away so much inside.
If there's a reason,
I don't know why.
Is there a reason
why a broken heart begins to cry?
Is there a reason
you were lost although you don't know why?
Give me a reason
why you never want to say goodbye.
If there's a reason
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
The lyrics in her album are really really beautiful. I mean it! I meant to post this like ages ago when I first bought her album but I kept putting it off. -.-
Go this url:
http://www.lyricsbox.com/enya-lyrics-28vsn.html and take a look at the lyrics. =)
That's all, people. There are many stuff I will go on and on about that do not concern you at all. And I rather not have that happen yea.
LOVE
KITTY
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
7:39 PM
Two traumatic experiences in two days. Wow, impressive hur?
It's kinda amazing to think how quickly people vanish off the face of this Earth. Let's face it, I just don't want to say the 'd' word. It makes my heart wrench. Someday, I have to learn how to be emotionless, and make myself unmoving against this kind of stuff. These kind of feelings when you learn that someone's gone. It should come as a shock, but it shouldn't affect one too much. Just like a passing storm cloud over the sun. Like, it's bright and sunny one moment but you get a shock since it starts raining out of the blue. And then when the storm cloud passes, it's bright and sunny again. Yea, it's that kind of feeling I want. Not this kinda big-impact-till-you-feel-like-crying kind. Am I even making sense? Sorry if I'm not. Ok, I don't feel sorry. Ha.
BUT to make up for those traumatic experiences are two happy events that occurred today. Well, sorta happy.
Happy occurrence #1:
I FINALLY met up with Cheryl. Yea yea I know it's my fault cuz my schedule's way more packed than yours. But hey, we did meet up in the end right? [Even though it's only a trip to the library.] Talked about lots of things. So many I can't list. X) And sat in Macs for definitely more than 1hr plus and talked and talked and talked and talked. And my bladder nearly burst from that big big cup of medium sprite. Out of the point here, but yea, finally met up. And I promise I'll do my best to watch a movie with you yea?
Happy occurrence #2:
MY DADDY IS THE BEST DADDY ON HEAVEN, HELL AND EARTH! Okay, I may be over-reacting over something as minor as this but I'm really damn happy
[but sad at the same time due to... something else] can! He bought two VCDs today. One of them is the High School Musical (which he clearly bought for me) but no, that's not what I'm hyper over. IT'S THE OTHER ONE! It's the NO MERCY wrestling VCD. XP He bought it for himself. But... I'm eyeing it hell loads more eagerly than he is eyeing mine.
And please stop giving that what-are-you-nuts look again. Or that fancy-prefering-wrestling-over-the-high-school-musical-video look either. I may be a girl but I can sure hell appreciate wrestling okay. And no it's not because of the er, rock hard bodies, dudes on a testerone-high or whatever shit you call it. It just gets me high when some dude beats up another dude can. And it helps that everything is all staged play. So I won't be like damn grossed out or anything unlike the people who DO get grossed out over wrestling because the wrestlers aren't really hurt. And I kinda remember this female wrestler called Holly Molly. Or something like that. Lol. She totally ruled the other gals in the female wrestling section [which should actually be called cat-fights]. Yeah, and one retired wrestler called The Hock. Or something like that. I can't remember the names! I haven't watched in two years can. I still got Royal Rumble to watch. Which actually I should have finished watching if not for my father taking it away because "you are a girl, you shouldn't be watching such violent stuff".
Come to think of it, wrestling is one of the few things that get me high. Don't ask me why, it just does. And I swear I can be screaming at the TV screen when the one I'm rooting for is getting the crap beaten out of him. Did I mention that I go even more hyper than hyper when they have the cage fight? With the ladders and everything. Metal chairs. The metal steps. Channel 5 used to show wrestling on saturday nights at 11pm but after that they stopped. So my father applied for SCV just for the sake of watching wrestling but he cancelled the contract because he discovered that yours truly has been silently sneaking up and hiding behind his chair every night to watch too. *grumbles and mumbles to self incoherently* Yeah, now let me try to recall the names of all the wrestlers. I think lots of them retire already lor. Hehe.
Males:
!The Rock
!Brock [or something that starts with a 'b' but I think he got suspended the last time I watched]
!The Hock [retire already]
(how come they rhyme?!)
!TRIPLE H
!Some masked dude called.... shit i can't remember. Something like... oh yes, Rey Mysterio
!Shawn Ashmore
Females:
er... HOLLY MOLLY?!
!and a kinda blonde chick. Who reminds me of Britney Spears. =X Maybe 'cause she's blonde or something hur? Haha.
Great I can't remember anymore. And I used to be able to rattle their names off like some machine gun gone haywire.
-.- Yeah, well, I should stop crapping for the sake of those [weird] people who don't like wrestling. And who think wrestling is an insane choice for entertainment. Well I happen to like this kind of entertainment. *biggrin* Finding me freaky yet? Yes? Good, I LIKE you already. =)
LOVE
KITTY~ *drifts off to glue herself onto the TV screen and wait for the battle to start*
P.S: NO MERCY!!! HERE I COME!!!may the last man[or woman] win-
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Thursday, October 26, 2006
8:06 PM
I changed my blogskin again... =) kinda tired of the old one yea. anyway just got bad bad news from my dentist... *nudges backstage personnel* EH! DRUMROLL LAH!
backstage personnel: ORH SORRY AH! *drumrolls*
yea well, back to the main point, i've to wear my braces for another freaking year. and i'm suffering enough lah. to think i've to suffer... for another year. RAH. well, nothing can be done hur. this is the price to pay for wanting beauty. and anyway, i didn't want beauty. my primary school dentist forced me into this. i really mean forced. she called up my mother and brainwashed her into it.
uh ya, that's enough of my ranting eh? today was the last day of school. today was the last day affinity is ever gonna be together in the same class ever again. i should be crying. i should be sad. i should be bawling my eyes out, hugging every single affinitian in sight. yes, really hugging everyone of them. so how come i don't seem to feel a single thing? well maybe i do, a little sad twang in my heart. but no one else seems to care huh. it's kinda ironic how i was so sad last yr on the last day of school. but this yr, when it's REALLY the last day we're gonna spend with each other [with the exception of the chalet] i don't give a frigging damn.
perhaps im happy in a way. there are no more complications. no more arguments. time to start anew. but i know i'll miss affinity. i'll miss everything about it, every gossip, every clique. i really should be *airquotes*drop tears*end quote*-ing by now. but im not. quoted again from the msn list: "what does that go to show?"
i look at people from other classes. "and it ended with tears and hugs" wow. mm, emo enough. whatever lah. it's not the end of something. it's the start of something new. quote that. XD or did i get it from somewhere else? or maybe i just grabbed it from my subconscious mind. ha. ha. ha.
LOVE,
KITTY~
P.S my poor darling's gonna get castrated tmr. apologies sweetheart. no choice lah right, ha.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
11:41 AM
I'M ON A SUPER SUPER HIGH MOOD TODAY BECAUSE IT'S THE BEST BEST BEST DAY OF THIS WHOLE DAMNED MONTH! [Besides the fact that my beloved parents nearly murdered my computer today] Guess what? Go on, guess guess guess! Okay, it doesn't matter if you can't guess it correctly 'cause I'm still gonna say it in any case.
I WENT TO THE LIBRARY WITH XIANG YUN TODAY!!! NO, that's not the main point.
AND THEN.... *drumrolls in the far off distance* I DISCOVERED/FOUND/UNEARTHED/WHATCHAMACALLIT THE SEQUEL OF THE SEQUEL OF CIRCLE OF MAGIC WAHAHAHA. Eh don't give me that "i-believe-kitty-has-gone-mad"look leh. Tamora Pierce is an amazing writer okay. What I wouldn't give to be able to write as well as her! =( But yea, that's the good news. I found the sequel. And it's called
'The Will Of The Empress' and it rocks!
Briar is like damn hot in the book now! *drools* And when I say that, I really mean it! Check his decription out: The young man was a handsome fellow with bronze skin, broad shoulders and glossy black hair that he wore cropped an inch long. His eyes were gray-green, turning darker green as he returned the admiring glances of the women who passed him. Directed to the people with high-resolution and overactive imaginations like mine: CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM ALREADY? CANYOUCANYOUCANYOU?! But that obviously gives him enough reason to bed every single girl who comes his way. Except for his foster sisters lah. And to those who haven't read this series before, I really really really recommend you to go read it. The series begins with
The Circle of Magic quartet, followed by
The Circle Opens quartet, then this book.
The Will Of The Empress. Trust kitty's judgement. The books I recommend rock to hell, heaven and earth. =D
*mumbles* Well, most of the time anyway.*laughs sheepishly* anyway, I'm off the read the book so cya. And really, GO READ THE SERIES LAH.
other recommended books:
- Sweetblood [about a diabetic girl who like vampires] by Pete Hautman
- Invisible [not gonna tell you 'cause it'll spoil the fun] by Pete Hautman
- Mr. Was [complicated, but very very good albeit irritating] by Pete Hautman
-Vampire Kisses [this girl falls in love with a vampire dude] by can't-remember-the-author's-name
- Kissing Coffins [sequel to Vampire Kisses] by youknow who the author is lah
- City of Masks [time/space travelling. Very very cool. And it resembles the story in the newsletter last yr. -.- i stole the idea from my subconscious mind. Apologies to the amazing author of this book] by Mary Hoffman
- City of Stars [sequel to above mentioned]
- City of Flowers [sequel to previous two books]
- All the series by Tamora Pierce [like i said, she's an amazing writer]
- Sparkles [about the rich people's lives. damn nice. although it contains a little bit of porn] by Louise Bagshaw
- Tuesday's Child [tomboy girl + best friend = sweetest couple ever. not entirely romance lah. quite nice] by Louise Bagshaw
- When she was the devil [can't really remember the name actually. But it's also about the high-society lah] by Louise Bagshaw
- all the other books by above mentioned author
- One Grave Too Many [includes a forensic scientist] by can't-remember-his-name
- Sleeper Code/Sleeper Agenda by Tom Sniegoski
- One Step Closer To Heaven [about a little korean girl's misconception of heaven - America] by An Na
- Ties That Bind Ties That Break by Lensey Namioka
and too many more to list. Are you asleep now? Sorry lah, once I get started I can't stop. =X
*poke* WAKE UP! Yea, anyway, smile people because the Kitty-Who-Has-Gone-Mad has finished ranting. Did I bore you that much? Apologies again.
Love,
KITTY~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Saturday, October 21, 2006
7:55 PM
WARNING: Do not read if you are [u]NOT[/u] in the mood for self-mutilation.
The rose looked so beautiful, blood-red against her black bedspread. She fingered its velvet petals longingly. The rose was just like their love. So caught up was she in its mesmerizing beauty, so caught up was she in the sea of crimson love, so caught up was she in keeping a fierce hold on it, she never realized the thorns were digging deeper into her flesh, embedding themselves in. And when the rose wilted, when their love died, she had to, just
had throw it away. So she yanked the stem out. Along with the thorns. And from when those thorns were gone the pain came in a wave. She plucked a petal out and laid it against her cheek. So soft... So velveteen...
She pricked the thorn with her finger and watched as a tiny red drop appeared. She touched it to the tip of her tongue, and shuddered.
Blood... She ran her hand over her bed, feeling the soft satin and silk under her skin. It came to rest above a metal object. A sharp metal object. She picked it up. It felt cool against her touch. Her razor. She missed it.
She laughed mirthlessly as the edge slid smoothly over her skin, slicing it apart. Her arteries split, the life blood they were holding spilling out from the cuts. She screamed in frustration.
THE PAIN! WHERE WAS THE PAIN?!She watched the blood spill as the razor flashed once, twice, thrice... But where was the pain? The blood gushed out like a never ending ruby river, onto her clothes, the ground, her satin bedspread. She stumbled over to the window and weakly raised her arm to throw the tainted razor out of the window. She clung on to the maroon curtains in agony.
THE PAIN! WHERE WAS THE PAIN?!She grabbed the rose and clutched it to her chest, the tears falling from her eyes, trickling down her cheeks and splashing onto the rose's heart. Her grip on the curtain loosened as did the fingers on her rose. She fell onto the ground. AND DIED.
okay you dont have to tell me what you think about it because I think it sucks. but just needed to get it out of my system alright, blah. okay just tell me if you think it sucks lah. $^^!$&^*##% =)
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
8:25 PM
I just read another ff (fanfiction, for those who don't know). On sky high, about Warren Peace and this o/c. It was so sweet~ Like ai4 mei4 relationship or whatever you call it. They like each other but they won't admit. And they do little things to each other, like small hugs, pecks on the cheeks, slyly holding the other's hand. AHHHH SO... I don't know. Nice? Ok that does it, I'm HOOKED on a world that doesn't exist. This kinda guys don't exist anymore. I mean the kind like James in Marauder fanfictions. Where Lily seeks solace in him, he just doesn't really ask what the heck is wrong, but KNOWS. HAIYAH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS. He just knows what it wrong, and how to comfort her.
But then again, it always seems so perfect in stories huh. The perfect, the cliche, the usual, and-they-lived-happily-ever-after endings. You get yourself so into the story, you never realize that you ain't living in the real world anymore. And then when the story ends, reality comes crashing through the door. And you realize. Oh crap, another fairytale ended, and I'm back in this cold, cruel, unfeeling world. Well, at least I think that way. It always seems so good when one imagines him/herself as the character in the story, the one being caressed, being comforted, being LOVED. It always seems so WONDERFUL when the guy the character loves holds her in his arms, telling her he'll never leave her. It always seems perfect when they hold their hands, and walk down the beach against the multitude of color splashed against the sky, with the sea sparkling and reflecting the beautiful beautiful sunset. It always seems so good, so wonderful, so perfect doesn't it?
If only those were true. If only like in stories, the love is always everlasting. The friendship is always strong. The relationships are never so complicated, so confusing. And in the end when you get out of all that mess, you find the pain so hurting. So deep. Because guess what? You've been hiding from it all this while. The outer layer's got so much bullets it can't take it anymore. So it collapses. And then those bullets reach you. OUCH. *wham baboom crash bang whoots* you just got hit by reality. =D Everything seems so simple in stories. Well, most stories anyway. And I wish they were. IF ONLY. IF ONLY. IF ONLY. Yea, you get my point don't you? keywords: if only.
And hey. I hate guys. They make things so complicated. And they suck. Majority of them anyway. Now I'm beginning to wish they didn't exist. Well, at least I hope the JERKS don't exist. Like you. RAHH. JRGHUNHQVUINEWUIVNG28752917857658979*(
&*^&%%#$*Ghfyughjguvhkl12345678900--_*&@%@%#@ APOLOGIES. I'm... as you can see.... not in a very good mood.... =x
Well in any case, be glad chris! I updated! Lol. Short update but I can't think of anything to post lah. Oh yes, congrats to all the ELDDS members who put up such a wonderful/slightly boring/highly amusing play. Er one more thing. THE SEXY MACBETH WASNT SEXY AT ALL. ='( Qi1 pian4 wo3 de4 gan3 qing2. *grumble mumble*
-in lack of eye candy-
*lightbulb appears above kitty's head* WAHAHA. time to watch the 'call me when you're sober' video again and lust after that sexy guy.
Oh erm, ignore what I said about guys being jerks. Some still make good eye candy. Well, when they don't make things complicated. They can be rather useful at times. And when they don't break people's hearts. EFFYOUSEEKAY. [credits to: er, was it beryl or iris har? sry x) ]*biggrin*
Love,
Kitty~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
8:42 PM
Lol, Haiwei, I got this from your blog and I hope you don't mind. =D
| You scored as English. You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours!
English | | 100% | Theater | | 83% | Journalism | | 67% | Dance | | 58% | Linguistics | | 58% | Art | | 58% | Anthropology | | 42% | Psychology | | 42% | Philosophy | | 33% | Sociology | | 33% | Chemistry | | 25% | Mathematics | | 25% | Biology | | 25% | Engineering | | 17% |
What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com |
So true huh? Lol.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
8:13 PM
I just realized how much this song relates to my mood today. In a kooky kinda way I guess.
VERY LAST MOMENT IN TIME by Lindsay Lohan
Time stops for no one
And moves on unaware
It's easy not to notice
It's easy not to care
Conversation circles
There's money changing hands
I've been standing in the middle
I've been caught up in despair
Out of the confusion
The static and the noise
You got my attention
You make me wanna
Live, like it's the last moon rising
Scream, just like no one's there
Lose all of my defenses
Hold you, touch you, love you
Like it's the very last moment in time
It seems like I woke up
Beneath a different sky
And I'm drunk on what I'm seeing
Through these open eyes
All the little ways you move me
All the places you expose
The illusion I held onto
You've got me letting go
I just wanna stay here
Soaking up the rain
Falling all around me
Wash the world away
Live, like it's the last moon rising
Scream, just like no one's there
Lose all of my defenses
Hold you, touch you, love you
Like it's the very last moment in time
Let me feel you next to me
Let me taste the breath you breathe
Open up the space between us
Live, like it's the last moon rising
Scream, just like no one's there
Lose all of my defenses
Hold you, touch you, love you
Like it's the very last moment in time
Live, like it's the last moon rising
Scream, just like no one's there
Lose all of my defenses
Hold you, touch you, love you
Like it's the very last moment in time
People change so much as time passes. Rings make people change and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. It's a way of life isn't it? How people change so quickly into beings that I do not recognize. Some change in such a subtle way, it is hard to notice unless you focus real hard. Some change so drastically, it is hard NOT to notice, especially if you're close to that person.
I miss you so much. You were like a sister I never had. I thought we understood each other perfectly, that I finally found someone I could really relate to. But like everyone of those people in the past, you've changed. So much I can't recognize you. So much it hurts just to LOOK at you, much less listen to you. I cried today. Because I couldn't understand why it hurt so much to talk about you. No, that wasn't the reason. I was just upset that we're drifting apart. Most likely, it's my bloody problem. Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe I should have treasured our friendship more. I'm hoping it will return to its original state. But I know it can't, I really do miss the old you. I guess that like me, you finally got the message the whole world's trying to send. You finally understood the effing cruelty of this world. Hiding for the benefits of others? Think again, you're hurting people now. Maybe you don't notice, maybe you don't care and more than likely you will say that "it isn't my problem is it?". Half of me knows full well you're going to say that, and half of me is hoping that we can return back to the friendship we once knew. Thinking through the things you used to say, I'm suddenly overwhelmed again. And I cried again but what does it matter? It doesn't matter anymore does it? Because everything is no longer your problem. But in any case, thanks for ever being there for me, for encouraging me, helping me, for everything. I really do miss you. And I swear I'm not the only one who's missing you. Rings changed you. So much that it feels weird just talking to you. I can't even say your name properly now.
Oh I forgot, it isn't your problem.And I knew it was a mistake to open those doors again.I should have left them closed.REGRET.Sorry people, not in a good mood today. Whatever.
Kitty-
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
9:15 PM
If my being dead will make you shut the fuck up,
then i gladly kill myself.
I'm sorry I couldn't get 70 and above for all my subjects. I didn't do it on purpose.and im not being angry im just having serious problems managing my emotions without you aggravating them.and if you really want me to leave this damned hell hole.I WILL.
well, someday. in any case.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
11:14 AM
yo people. haha, i decided to give songfics a shot. here's one called "just one more day" based on the song everytime by simple plan. hope u guys like it. =) i uploaded it onto fictionpress, here's the url:
http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=2258901 PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! THX. i dont mind if you leave anonymous reviews. =D thx
love
kitty~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
6:17 PM
call me crazy but i suddenly thought of a poem for my blog's picture DURING MATHS EXAM. that's right, stare at me like i'm nuts and go "Girl, you are absolutely MENTAL!" ok, now that that's done, let me show you the poem! =) ok it's not really well written but nevermind. i like it. X)
i sat there for ages
upon that lonely bench
waiting and waiting and waiting
but you never camei watched the sun set
i watched the rain fall
i listened to the wind howling
but you never camedidn't mama tell you
never to make this mistake
you made someone who loves you wait
but you never cameso i left these broken memories
all of 'em, including you
these memories have faded
because you never cameso it's all that bloody guy's fault for not turning up, you see. lol ok im being dumb here. the pic is so pretty isn't it? Ah yes, THANK YOU FISH FOR RECOMMENDING THAT WONDERFUL WONDERFUL STORY TO ME. =)
kitty~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
9:28 PM
Sorrow's Ocean
Her every day is like her last,
Same situations, seen so many times before.
For her the future's like the past;
Bitter, broken, shattered, torn.
She can't remember the last time that she smiled,
No more emotions in her heart.
Caught in a web spun by her own relentless mind,
And it's breaking her apart.
This stretch of ocean is her life,
Her ships have sunk to sandy graves,
The lonely winds cry out their sorrow,
The warm horizon brings no joy,
A drowning wish beneath the waves.
And once again those diamond tears
Spill from those shining eyes,that still nobody knows.
Nobody precious in her heart,
No loving arms to hold her close.
This stretch of ocean is her life,
Her ships have sunk to sandy graves,
The lonely winds cry out their sorrow,
The warm horizon brings no joy,
A drowning wish beneath the waves.
This stretch of ocean is her life,
She's all alone to face the tide,
The lonely winds cry out their sorrow,
Driving to the empty skies,
Fading dreams where hope has died.
A REALLY REALLY REALLY PRETTY POEM I FOUND ON THE NET. MY APOLOGIES TO THE WONDERFUL WONDERFUL AUTHOR OF THE POEM, I CANT FIND YOUR LINK!
hope you people enjoy it. pretty huh? im in love with this poem already!
kitty~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
8:48 PM
Tomorrow is MATHS. Bloody maths and I didn't exactly mug. Nevermind. Like my new blogskin everybody? According to bunny and Cheryl, my previous blogskin's image flew to hell knows where so I am forced to change my blogskin. I like the bench, and the scenery. So lonely huh? *smile*
ok im so gonna flunk my chem/physics and tmr i shall flunk my maths too. happy flunking, ppl. CIAO~
LUV
kitty~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
1:27 PM
For Hell's sake. Take a look at the past, see/hear/feel what you have done/said to me. You blame me for becoming this THING, this unrecognizable
THING. But have you ever bloody realized that YOU were the ones who made me into this? The ones who killed at my interest, all my love, all my whatever-you-call-it for studying with all your pressure? You think it's so easy studying, yes i bloody hell DO know that you were no better off than me in the past because you had to work oh so hard and had no education at all because YOUR dad was a bastard and i should be grateful for such a wonderful dad and mum. YES I AM GRATEFUL I SWEAR I AM AND I LOVE YOU TO DEATH. but what do you want me to do when this pressure you put on me is so damn much i start to self mutilate?
Yes i self mutilate. and i have done so since a long long time ago. Say, primary school. when you first told me to buck up and pressure pressure pressure me to DO BETTER, WORK HARDER, STUDY MORE. i claw myself, i poke i dig i do what the heck you call it because i want to stop myself from crying. because you think crying is a waste of time. because when i cry you slap. i think, i know, i hear you say all the time "it's not that we want to scold/nag at you but it's for your own good. we really dont want to do this either..." don't want to do it? THEN DONT. recently i think im beginning to find more forms of escapes in PAIN. i
like pain. it makes me blind to everything that's going on. =) it takes my mind off things. i cry too. in the shower. in bed. in everywhere except the places where you are around because you say: "You this kind of people also will cry is it?" YES I CRY, DOES THAT SHOCK YOU? DOES IT SHOCK YOU THAT IM HUMAN TOO?!
now that is so sad isn't it? i want to relax, don't you understand? I NEED REST TOO OK. IM HUMAN. ok, maybe not. Im a cat but even cats gotta take a break! Do you see cats jumping off buildings 9 times in a row to kill themselves at one shot?
NO. they jump, don't die, rest, then continue jumping and repeat the cycle. ok that's a dumb example but whatever lah. I do my freaking best for everything. or rather, i used to. because i wanted to make you guys proud, to make you happy, to make up for all the chances at education that you never had. I'm sorry i can't always get what you want. But at least... encourage me? I don't understand why you have to discourage me from doing what i like to do most-writing. i may not write very well i know, but HEY that's my form of destressing and venting out everything!
Crap you just don't understand do you. when i won that consolation prize in that frigging nationwide competition,all you said was: Why waste your time writing this kinda stuff when you can't even write well? Keywords: YOUR TIME. see, it's my own time. my own fucking time i get to do what i bloody want and it's none of your effing business you get it? I love you guys so much i do my best each time there's an exam. i never cry over my results but because of YOU i cried when i couldnt get the marks YOU wanted. What happened to the "WellDone"s i used to get? Huh? i'm thinking that maybe if through my schooling life you had continuosly encouraged me to do better instead of FORCING me and THREATENING me to get good results i would have done better. perhaps my results wouldnt have dropped. when i say dropped, i really mean dropped. you mean you haven noticed? wait, of COURSE you have. You don't see an 'a' in the paper and i suck. that is SO SAD isn't it?
YOU THINK IM NOT PUTTING IN ENOUGH EFFORT FOR EVERYTHING. if that's the case, i should listen to what you say shouldn't i? alright, i promise you i will never put in effort for all that i do. except write. you know i gotta write. that's why im here right now blogging away instead of fucking studying/mugging/cramming. wadever. i hate science anyway. im mentally prepared to be kicked out of this school. be glad. because then the only things that i can put effort in is to sit, wait, scratch myself and die. my cher used to say that suicide is a cowardly way out of problems. but heck. i like it. IM A COWARD A SCAREDY CAT! (scaredy
cat. haha, get it? -.-)
whatever, my nails r so short now. i get so depressed when i look at them =( cant use them at all lah... suggestions for replacement, anyone? =) alright enough emo talk. i cant be bothered to mug anymore so i think ill just flip through the notes and die tomorrow.
DIE.if only i could.smile everyone, SMILEEE!!!
someone kill me,Kitty~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
12:31 PM
i swear i will start mugging! after lunch... and i've been wanting to do this for ages. lol this weird thingy on fish's blog =)
What is schooling in Singapore?
Have you...
[ ] skipped class?(im a good kid)
[x] hugged someone in school?
[ ] gotten detention?
[x] cried in school?(d-u-h)
[x] made new friends?
Total: 3
[x] got dropped off at school?
[x] heard a rumour about yourself?(millions.)
[ ] gone to school under the influence?
[ ] had something illegal in school?
[ ] missed school when you weren't sick?
Total: 2
[x] failed a test?(maths!)
[ ] failed a class?
[x] made up an excuse for homework not being done?
[x] the teacher believed your lame excuse?(trcs are lame)
[ ] crushed on a teacher?
Total: 3
[ ] hit on a teacher?
[x] hated a teacher?
[x] involved with a sport?
[ ] on student council?
[ ] in a club?
Total: 2
[x] got a scholarship?
[x] got an award?
[x] fallen asleep in school?
[ ] gotten in trouble for falling asleep in class?
[x] had your phone go off in class?
Total: 4
[ ] had your phone taken away?
[x] lied to a teacher?
[ ] laughed so hard you cried in class?(how about: i laughed so hard i hiccupped?)
[ ] ate lunch in the bathroom?
[x] missed a week of school or more at once?
Total: 2
Do you/Did you/Will you?...
[x] enjoy school?
[ ] excited for summer?
[ ] taking summer school?
[x] had a summer job?
[x] going somewhere?
Total: 3
Now add it all together and multiply by 2.
this is pathetic. my school life is only 38% exciting. and i disagree!!!! it's worse than that! I OBJECT I SHALL PETITION AND HAVE A REVOLUTION! hmm... revolution... hold on.
In russia, revolutions occurred due to the inefficiency of teh government which led to the suffering of teh masses thanks to some idiot called Tsar Nicholas II because he thought that going to WWI and wars with countries like JAPAN would help him gain respect back if he won but instead he bloody hell lost and caused even more suffering of the masses.(did i mention taht japan is horrendously TINY as compared to russia?!) and it actually all began due to this bloody sunday where alll the ppl who were unhappy with wad was going on went to petition peacefully but the soldiers freaked and shot them to death and got them so pissed taht they blamed the tsar although he wasnt around at that time. so he had no choice but to come up with the october manifesto (I LIKE THE NAME!) where he appointed a Duma which will help in the decisions of the monarchy/government. but he got so proud he sacked the ppl who opposed to his ideas and hired ppl who kissed ass and sucked up to him by agreeing to everything he said and thus it just made the SUFFERING OF THE MASSES worse. and then this idiot when he went to war, left the country in the hands of his effing GERMAN WIFE. GERMAN when he was fighting against germany. i think? and she trusted this mad monk called rasputin who corrupted officials. and corrupted everythign but the tsarina still trust him cuz he saved her son. HEY HE WAS A MONK FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE AND HE FUCKED PROSTITUTES and drank and who knows what hell he did?! (but he won't be tested on in hist tmr right...?) sorry for my lang... and in the end all this shit led to the 1917 february revolution. and the tsar tried to pass the title on to his bro but his bro was smart enough to refuse and then he was expelled... no, EXILED to siberia and according to some source, his entire family was killed. AND THEN CAME THE EXISTENCE OF A REVOLUTIONARY CALLED LENIN. and lenin was a failure although he promised teh ppl "peace land and bread". got the ppl so excited but yet in the end he never instilled those promises. BROKEN PROMISES ~ er yea, is taht all? omg i cant rmb!!
CHINA:
crap how did it come abt? something about the machuria and emperor and then inefficiency of the govt and suffering of masses (again) and so there was a boxer rebellion cuz the ppl were bu shuang with the foreigners being in power. boxer rebellion = a rebellion where they didnt use weapons at all bcos they thought that they were MAGIC. or something like taht. oh god that is all i rmb?!?! ok i swear i shall mug. NOW.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
11:05 AM
I have reason to believe that amongst all my fellow classmates, I'm one of the minority who is actually bloody BLOGGING at this utterly crucial moment. Where every one of us should be mugging because guess what? OUR EOYS START
TOMORROW! But hey, I'm still online typing away. Typing crap at that. Because I'm still not in the "Exam-Is-Coming-I-Better-Bloody-Mug" mood. YES YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. I am still not in that mood. Sorry, but I can't help it. And I'm not one of those geniuses who go into exam grounds all confident and prepared but they didn't even study. (everything they know is based on memory and their memory never lets them down) No, the truth is, I've given up on studying. YES I HAVE. What is the point? If everything I do, everything I get, no matter how damn hard I try, I get the same reaction from my parents? "Why didn't you try harder?", "I know why you got so low, never study right?" When the truth is, I was mugging all through the week. Guess what? I got 60++ for EACH AND EVERY ONE OF MY SUBJECTS FOR CA. Even english, which i am most confident in and which usually is the one that pulls me up. So now I can go jump off the building 'cos if even my best area is so low, I can say bye bye to all the rest. I'm serious.
Don't you people find life so complicated? There're some things that just can't change, no matter how hard we try to alter it's course. Sometimes, things that others do, make their peers upset, make them hurt, make them cry but do these 'others' know? Myabe they do but maybe they don't and for all i fucking know, they don't care. They don't give a damn.
(And I've shed enough tears for you, now you can slice your wrist, slash your cheek, wring your neck, squash your ass but I ain't gonna give a fucking damn anymore HEARD THAT?!)I was just thinking. If one fine day, someone were to come up and tell me, "You have good plots, you think everything out carefully, but my dear girl, you're just not good at expressing yourself and therefore are not fitted to be a writer." What would I do? Frankly, I don't think I would give a damn at all. Writing is like having a diary 24/7, penning down everything that you want to do, feel, think. But not in your point of view. I've never thought of writing as a career, but merely as a form of entertainment for myself, a form of releasing my emotions/thoughts/feelings. It doesn't matter to me if people do not understand what in the name of effing hell I'm talking about in my stories/poems but so long as I myself get what I'm talking about, it'll all be fine.
Zhi Xiang and Bunny were chosen to join some Creative Writing Programme but ZhiXiang got no interest in it right, so we decided to let me replace him instead. But as jwoon has said "you may not necessarily be chosen to replace him". I'm not worried. I'm not going to be upset when she comes and tells me that what she said had come true. I think I rather write on my own with all my everything injected inside, rather than produce top-notch, cream of the crop works taht just seem so... fake. So not me, so not real. I think the best works are when things are so real they are imprinted into your system and you can pour it all out with ease. Those are the real top-notch cream of the crop works.
Bunny writes well. She would write stories everyone would fall over their feet to read. If only she would continue her damned stories! Let's turn to her poems. Hidden meanings. I think of all the writings that I have ever seen, she's the only one who can write so prettily in the kind of NOT rhyming words format. Like Amaranthine. I can only say I'm in love with everything she writes. X) Right I'm beginning to sound les. -.- I don't care if people think my works suck but I'm proud of them so who effing cares?
(I don't.)Here are two poems. There is a pessimistic version and an optimistic version. Obviously I wrote the pessimistic ones. Guess who wrote the other? *drumrolls* GUESS GUESS, GO ON! GUESS!! ok, I shall tell you. IT'S NONE OTHER THAN............. XIANG YUN!!! lol, go ahead and read it. I laughed my ass off because it was so good.
#1
From a self-mutilator's POV:
DIG (those nails into my skin)
SCREAM (this hurts more than i thought)
BLEED (i see the ruby red blood)
MARKS (lots of them, red and swollen)
PAIN (& I'm screaming for you)
SCARS (they look so pretty)
'and I made them, made them for youFrom a side-witness's POV (this is actually really really good!):
DIG (into my memories to find them full of you)
SCREAM (what has become of you?)
BLEED (my heart is dripping with blood)
MARKS (all over your fragile body)
PAIN (thinking of you hurts)
SCARS (etched in my soul forever)
why did you do this, do this to me?#2Original version:
TIME that won't turn back
SCARS that just won't heal
WOUNDS that keep reopening
LIFE that just won't end
TEARS that just keep flowing
BLOOD that won't stop coming
PAIN that just won't leave
A
SUICIDE attempt
failedAltered version:
TIME will pass
SCARS will heal
WOUNDS will close
LIFE will go on
TEARS will stop
BLOOD will dry
PAIN will ebb
A
SUICIDE attempt failed
And I'm
gladI think the last line's sorta damn anti-climax no?
Haha, I couldn't stop laughing at Beryl's house yesterday. Anyway, go check my updates on fictionpress! *nudge* XD thanks.
Gotta go MUG(or at least try to),
KITTY~
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
