Friday, September 28, 2007
8:28 PM
don't pretend you know everything when you dont know a fk about anything.
i kept telling myself i should appreciate you and love you simply because you're one of the best people in the whole damn world.
but now?
hell yea i do appreciate you but i'm not too sure if i love you.
stop thinking that you know everything.
you dont know a single fking thing.
and you say you know me best.
stop being so self delusioned why don't you.
i'm so annoyed i can't even type properly.
and i'm actually typing this in notepad.
like wtf?
fk you.shutupshutupshutup!
i hate you.
i hope you die.
you dont even know what i do.
you dont even know i cry.
oh wait CRYING IS A SIN.
when i cry i'm being childish; when i cry i'm being ridiculous; when i cry i'm being idiotic; when i cry i'm wasting my time; when i cry i'm stupid.
of course.
there's nobody else crying in the world right now.
no of course not.
why dont you just go away and leave me alone.
well hell yeah i'm stupid.
you cant even tell the difference between a cut and a scratch.
you don't even know what else i do that you don't know.
now you know why i always suck at my studies huh.
because i'm stupid.
now you know.
i hope you fking die.
no wait i hope i die.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Monday, September 24, 2007
9:22 PM
想对你说的
让他先说了
从此只能猜测
你流泪是因为快乐
想要给你的
他先给你了
从此只能附和
寂寞和爱本来能分割
祝福你是我的保护色
专心扮演朋友的角色
在你们拥抱的那一刻
我心一分为二
欺骗你是我的保护色
甘心做个爱情的弱者
真爱不是就能逃的远远的
等待是我自责
路越走越曲折
不能回头了
能伤害我的 都是我爱的 还保护什么 还保护什么祝福你是我的保护色
专心扮演朋友的角色
在你们拥抱的那一刻
我心一分为二
欺骗你是我的保护色
甘心做个爱情的弱者
真爱不是就能逃的远远的
等待是我自责
爱你是天责
保护色-苏亦承
Ho hum... I think those words that I highlighted make perfect sense. And I love this song. Does anybody know how to play it? (: I'll fall in love with you immediately. Haha.
First day of exams. No I don't wish to talk about it. So I have been playing neopets ever since I came home which was hours and hours and hours ago. And I lost in Battledome to that stupid guy. Hmmph. TWICE.
Nevermind. Anyway, in 5 minutes' time, it's mugging session with my dearest twin. Mugging session over MSN of course. D'you reckon I can finish mugging SS in one hour? I doubt so. Especially since there's merger, founding fathers and sri lanka shit to go through. Hallelujah.
Anyway, I've got four minutes left. I kinda forgot all that I wanted to type before I opened a new post. I was too frantic searching for the lyrics to bao3 hu4 se4. I'm telling you, that's one song I doubt I'll ever get sick of.
I still wanna learn drums.
I'm being random.
I wanna watch GongZhuXiaoMei.
And The X-Family.
I should study.
YOU! JESSLYN WINATA! I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS! WHY'RE YOU READING THIS!? IT'S TIME TO MUG! MUG! MUG! Okay let's begin now. (:
Oh yeah I planned to crap out all the sri lankan shit here but maybe I won't afterall. I'm too lazy.
Good luck to everybody.
Bye. AND GO LISTEN TO THAT SONG DAMMIT. Get it from me if you really can't find it on youtube. =.=
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Saturday, September 22, 2007
8:33 PM
Listen to me, and listen good. There's absolutely nothing for you to worry about - you have no family problems, you have no financial problems (maybe a little), and you have a bed to sleep, toilet to shit and air to breathe. So tell me, why is it that you're not studying at all? I looked at your diary, and counted a whopping 28 times that you wrote: "I must mug" or "I must study" or "I must not let my parents down". What happened to that girl who got first in class in kindergarden? What happened to that girl that every parent wished their kid was like? What happened to that girl who got an edusave scholarship every year of her Primary School life? And don't you fking tell me it's because primary school was easy. Problem is, you already did. You really want to know why? It was because you bothered to study. It was because you weren't addicted to your computer. It was because you had good time management. It was because you paid attention in class. It was because you really wanted to get good grades; because you actually gave a shit back then.Why are you doing this? You don't have a one-way ticket to your A levels. You have a one-way ticket to expulsion. Are you fking dead or what. Much as you hate dislike your maths teacher, something he said actually made sense. "When is your wake up call going to come?" Exactly. When is it going to come? Are you going to hang around in a stupid dream thinking that you'll wake up in the end and realize that everything'll be okay? Sometimes I wonder if we're really just living a dream. Well, I'm that stupid little voice in your head that you've been constraining for so long. And I need to say this: You're a failure. Go to hell.maybe i should.Labels: failure.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
4:32 PM
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time
;Lifehouse - Breathing32 hours and counting.
Everyone knows, that the End-of-Year exams are in 32 hours' time. Or possibly even less. So why am this witch (give or take a letter) still not studying? The only reasonable reason she can come up with, is that her life has gone haywire like a freight train being driven by a drunk bear. What else can explain her lack of motivation and constant sense of wanting to die? Then again, maybe she should die.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Monday, September 17, 2007
8:31 PM
When you try doing your homework for the first time since the start of 2007, and you realize that you don't understand half of what you're supposed to do, and reading the notes don't help at all, then you'll be struck with the sudden realization that maybe you should study. Later on, you wonder why you never study, and some little voice in your head shouts, "Hey! That's the reason why you never ever manage to pass your physics and you're always failing it so pathetically. (:"
Yeah, so anyway, I tried doing my physics assignments since I'm pretty sure that my cher will come after me with a toothpick sometime or other if I don't. Basically, I didn't know how to do anything. Well, except for those where you can copy wholesale from the notes and grin like you did everything yourself, and since I label doing 2 questions as 'completing the assignment', I think I finished my work very fast. Yeah. Especially since I took more than 2 hours for four questions.
So I was just thinking, what's the point, of learning kinetic theory of matter? What's the point of learning about molecules. I mean, as long as you have air to breathe, water to drink, food to eat, shit to shit and a bed to sleep, why learn about the tiny little molecules that are applying pressure to your bed by colliding with it, moving about rapidly and randomly in short, sharp paths in an erratic manner. Or something like that. All I can remember is that I kept drawing Bubbles from PPG during that lesson because he kept mentioning the word 'bubbles'.
'twas fun. I should draw more Bubble(s) and the other two girls. I like Buttercup more. But I like Han the best. Yeah.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Sunday, September 16, 2007
5:06 PM
I am, very bored. I'm still not studying. I deserve to die.
1. The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
Not waiting for anyone to call me now.
2. When shopping at the grocery store,do you return your cart?
What am I? A cart stealer?
3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed again, would you?
I think the last person I kissed was... wasn't a person?
4. Do you take compliments well?
Not really. I get horribly irritated.
5. Do you play Sudoku?
At the start of the year, in every MSN conversation with Winnie. Haha!
6. If abandoned alone in thewilderness would you survive?
I don't think so, actually. I'm a pretty pampered kid.
7. If your house were on fire, what would be the first thing you would save?
My parents and my dog.
8. Who was the last person you slept in the bed with?
My bolster. Is a person.
9. Who do you text the most?
-
10. Favorite childrens book?
Ehs. I like Aladdin. Because I want that freaking genie.
11. Eye color?
Dark brown?
12. How tall are you?
167cm. Just 3 more cm to go. D:
13. If you could do it over again,start from scratch, would you?
Yes I would. I'd force myself to become a nerd.
15. When was the last time you were at Botanic Garden?
Isn't it supposed to be 'gardens' not 'garden'? When I was in primary 3 I think.
16. Favorite ex..?
I don't have an ex.
17. Where was the furthest place youtraveled?
Malaysia. I'M NOT KIDDING.
18. Do you like mustard?
Never eaten it :/
19. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Sleep.
21. Do you miss anyone?
Claire ): The class seems so different without her.
22. Can you do splits?
Yeah, back in primary 2.
23. What movie do you want to see right now?
Watch. Not see. And I wanna watch Evan Almighty, seems quite funny.
24. What did you do for New Years Eve?
I can't... remember?
25. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
Never watched it.
26. Do you own a camera phone?
I own 4.
27. Are you a cheerleader?
I can cheer.
28. Whats the last letter of yourmiddle name?
Middle name? Sing Li Lin. Go figure.
29. Are you hispanic?
Ehs? What's that?
31. Do you like care bears?
I like the gray one with the storm cloud on its tummy. [: What's it called?
32. What do you buy at the Movies?
NACHOS!!! GAWWWWWWWWWWWD. Clarine!!!~ No I don't buy clarine.
33. Do you know how to play poker?
Nope.
34. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Er yeah. I don't want to die in a freak accident. I could name you a hundred other more creative ways to die like not studying and getting expelled from RV.
35. What do you wear to sleep?
I'd say nothing; but I'd be lying.
36. Anything big ever happen in your CITY?
Sure. They make big fusses out of every little thing.
37. Is your hair straight or curly?
Straight.
38. Is your tongue pierced?
No.
39. Do you like Liver and Onions?
NO! YUCK. YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK. Damn I sound fking childish.
40. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Different situations need different people. I don't want a funny guy at my funeral.
41. Ever been to L.A.?
Never.
42. Who is on your mind right now?
HANNNNN! :D I wanna watch X-family. :)
43.Any plans 4 tonight?
Force myself to do my work. And suicide.
44. Whats your fav. song at the moment?
Erm quite alot? But I'd name:
#1. I don't wanna miss a thing - Aerosmith
#2. Better than me - Hinder
#3. What hurts the most - Rascal Flatts
45. Do you hate chocolate?
No! Who hates chocolate!?
46. What do you and your parents fightabout the most?
My studies...
47. Are you a gullible person?
Sometimes.
48. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
No. No. No.
49. If you could have any job what would it be?
I wanna be a model. ;) Kidding. I don't know.
50. Are you easy to get along with?
What d'you think?
51. What is your favorite time of day?
Night.
52. Are you generally a happy person?
I can get pretty high. LAWL.
Tagged:
#1. BUNNY! (don't think she'd do it)
#2. Beryl! (I'll force her to do it.)
#3. Xinmun :D
#4. Alastair? (Because I think he asked me to mention him again)
#5. Eh. Jack.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
2:51 PM
Take a good, long look at that picture. Don't you find those drums freaking fabulous? I tried learning to drum. They actually have a website to teach you that, y'know? Well, considering the fact that I couldn't understand half of what they were teaching, there really was no point in me trying desperately to learn. I should have done my four still blank physics assignments.
Guess what? I woke up telling myself I should do my homework. I should mug. But unfortunately, I'm a shit-faced arsewipe who cannot be bothered to motivate myself to study. Is doing two questions and getting them both wrong counted? Yes, I'm an unfilial child and I disappoint my parents. I don't deserve such wonderful parents and I should just go jump off the top of the PSA building 9 times. I was just thinking, how am I going to get a GPA of 3.0 when I can't even be bothered to start studying. Maybe I should let myself get expelled. And further wreck my parents' hearts. Hell yeah. I'm the most selfish kid around the place. Deal with it.
Does it matter what that I actually can do anything I want so long as I put my mind to it? I have a good mind, the palm-reader said so about *counts* 8 years ago.
He also said I'd break alot of hearts. Or something along those lines. I remember my parents laughing away when they regurgitated what he said to me; and I also remember whacking my dad when he laughed at me. D: But how can he laugh when someone just said his daughter was a potential murderer? Well not exactly but still...
Oh yeah the palm-reader also said something like if I get a divorce, I'll go find another guy almost immediately. That makes me sound so trashy, gawd. But as long as the guy is rich... And I don't have to sleep with him, why not? In case you were wondering why I suddenly switched topics, I suddenly thought of my conversation with Bunny yesterday.
But that wasn't the point, nevermind. Anyway, ripped another quiz off Xinmun's blog. Mwahaha.
Stupidity Quiz.
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.
[x] You have ran into a glass/screendoor. Before you burst out laughing, I want to add that I walked into it twice.
[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. And nearly gave my poor uncle the first and last heart attack of his life. I needed the toilet okay!
[ ] You have thought of something funny and laughed, people gave you weird looks.
[x] When you were biking, you ran into a tree/bush/people. I ran into the bush. It was a fun experience.
[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[ ] You JUST tried to lick your elbow. That's an old old trick.
[ ] You never knew that ABC and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune.
[ ] You just tried to sing them.
[x] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen. Almost. I said almost!
[x] You have choked on your own spit.
[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it. Didn't even bother watching it. Whatever people say, I still think Keanu Reeve sucks. Wait, is his name spelled like that?
[ ] Your hair is naturally blonde.
[x] People have called you slow.
[x] You have accidentally/purposely caught something on fire.
[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes. Is that possible?!
[x] You have caught yourself drooling.
[x] You've fallen asleep in class. All the time...
[ ] Sometimes you just stop thinking. My mind is a horribly overworked machine.
[x] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about. Half the time, actually.
[x] People sometimes shake their heads and walk away from you.
[ ] You are often told to use your "inside voice".
[x] You use your fingers to do simple math.
[x] You have eaten a bug. It was an accident.
[x] You're quizzing when you should be doing sth more important. Of course. I should be doing my physics assignments now.
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it. My fking P.E shorts! Thank goodness CheeHooi told me. LOL!
[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was right by you.
[ ] You've woken somewhere else and freaked cos you didn't rmb where you were.
[ ] You've reposted bulletins cos you were scared bad stuff would happen to you.
[x] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you.
[x] You tilt your head or make a weird face when you're confused. If that's called stupid, the whole damn world is fking stupid.
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[x] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
[ ] The word "umm" is used many times a day. I don't use 'umm'. There're other words like 'er', 'eh' or 'uh'.
22/36 which is basically 61%? Hey, I'm not all that stupid afterall.
I think I should really go do my physics assignments or my physics cher will come after me with the sharpest icicle he can find in Singapore, plunge it through my chest a gazillion trillion jillion times and let it melt to get rid of evidence.
Good riddance,
Li Lin aka Kitty
P.S: Morbidly Obese Red Waddling Holy Shit. [: Don't ask.
P.P.S: Quit griping about the lack of a tagboard. I still stick steadfastedly to my decision to not have a tagboard.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Saturday, September 15, 2007
10:38 PM
I should be doing something more productive like my 4 totally blank physics assignments but unless I dedicate this post to that girl I met earlier on, I will remain so royally pissed off that I may burst into smithereens.
To that lovely young woman I met:
I couldn't care less about what you think about me. What I give a shit about is what insult you delivered to my mother. No, I didn't think I'd notice anything, especially not when you blatantly pointed to her and declared, "That woman in the red shirt." Yeah, I'm that blind. I wouldn't have noticed. What you said, was so fking disrespectful and ridiculous, that I refuse to repeat it, not even on my blog, which is vulgar enough as it is. Therefore, I shall instead focus on what you said to me, when I retaliated with a mere glare. Which I really must admit was simply pathetic and so unlike me.
I am thankful to the people down there and Buddha up there for making that little voice in my head remind me that my mother was nearby and I should not pick a fight with it. If I could have my way, hun, you'd be nursing a very sore bruise and a very pleasant scratches now. But if I did do what I was sorely tempted to do, I'd be in deeper shit than you after I'm through. Because my mother didn't hear what you said, and would have probably murdered me alive for trying to maim you for life.
So I'm a "stupid act cool bitch" and you "hate people like that" huh? Well, yeah. I love you too, sweetheart. Yup, you and your non-existent clothes; as well as your little posse of uglypretty princesses. Oh, I'm insulting you by the way, in case your brain was unable to process that simple piece of information. Wait, what brain? And I really must say this. Remember that sumo wrestler on the Dulux paint advertisement? I'd be doing him injustice if I said you were as fat as him. C'mon! If you have thighs that are about as fat as mine, don't wear a mini tube dress which does nothing but accentuate your sexy curves. Yes, sexy curves that reminded me of a hamburger with its fillings oozing out. Unless your beauty is comparable to that of the person at the beginning of my post, maybe then I will take steps to ignore your body.
Can't stand the way I glared at you? "Stare what stare! Think I scared arh?" Then don't even think of staring back at me in the first place. One thing you should know is that you can never beat me in a fking staring competition. (Unless of course, you're someone like Ruolan whom I will forever lose to because I cannot stop laughing when I see her expression. And that was not an insult to her.) You better be thanking Hell, Heaven and Earth that I didn't gouge your eyes out (but they'd probably have fallen out on their own accord - the way they were bugging out). If you thought that made you look fiercer and more intimidating, you were wrong. You made me feel like laughing my ass off at the amusing way you were embarrassing yourself despite the fact that I was already fuming.
Next time, think twice before something insulting fall from your lips. A less merciful person would have mutilated you. And I wish they would. Don't be so naive as to think that I was afraid of you. If I ever meet you again, Hell help me, because I'd be praying that my mother wasn't around. I promise to deliver my blows fervently with such enthusiasm and energy that you probably won't be able to recognize yourself in the mirror. I can't deny that I don't make empty promises, but this is one promise that I will keep.
And one last thing: Hating me won't make you pretty.
Yours sincerely,
Li Lin
P.S: Well, perhaps you could be pretty. But then again, who can tell under those layers of Dulux wall paint you smeared on your face?
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Sunday, September 09, 2007
5:13 PM
Yes, I promise never to use a quiz as a blog post again but damn. I'm just too fking bored okay?
Name 25 people
1.Jesslyn; BUNNY!
2.Beryl
3.XiangYun
4.ZhaoQinyu
5.Ruolan
6.Siyao
7.XinMun
8.Wanting; Tingg!
9.Fenghan; Fengg!
10.Suyu
11.Valerie GOHHHH :D
12.ShuHui
13.Winnie
14.Clarine
15.Alastair; simply because Clarine's before him.
16.Eileen; TURTSYYY
17.Jaslin
18.YiLing
19.ShuYing
20.Jack
21.DingJie
22.Wilfred
23.Ningyi
24.Bingle
25.Olivia
What is an inside joke with #7?
XinMun; ehhs, do I have an inside joke with you?
What about #22?
Wilfred; Don't think so? LOL.
Would you go out with #12?
ShuHui; Hell yes!
What's one word that describes #5?
Ruolan; LeiKeSi.
Would #4 look good with #25?
Qinyu/Olivia; Hahaha no. I don't think they even know each other.
Would you go out with #19?
ShuYing; Definitely. Who doesn't want to go out with a chiobu? :D
When is #11's birthday?
Valerie; If I didn't remember wrongly... It's 23rd December. Ohgawd I'm such a bitch. *stabs self* I've known her for 15 years?
Are #3 and #25 BEST friends?
XiangYun/Olivia; Why so many #25? Erm, not exactly.
Have you ever liked #21?
DingJie; No. Haha.
Have you ever liked #13?
Winnie; Of course man.
Have you ever liked #6?
Siyao; 桃子！Hell yes. She's my les partner. o.O
Can you tell #17 anything?
Jaslin; I'm not that close to her, but yeah I guess I could.
How much do you love #4?
Qinyu; Hmm... that's a hard question. I love her with all my heart?
How do you know #20?
Jack; Ex-classmates.
How'd you meet #18?
YiLing; 1Abz'05 & 2Affinity'06!
What word comes to your mind when you hear #23's name?
Ningyi; CSM!
Have you ever had a crush on #11?
Valerie; Since the time I met her, which was about 14 and 3/4 years ago.
What about #2?
Beryl; I raped her last year. What d'you think?
Do you think #10 is hot?
Suyu; About as hot as anything.
What's one word that describes #15?
Alastair; Barney! Haha stupid horny dinosaur.
What do you think #9 will be when he/she grows up?
Fengg; I don't know, my wife? D:
Give one random fact about #16.
Eileen; Ehhs, I love her.
And #8.
Tingg; She's got many admirers! *hinthint*
And what about #1?
Bunny; She's my darling twin. :D
and #24?
Bingle; Fking nice commanding voice. So loud for what!
What song does #14 relate to?
Clarine; High School Never Ends by Bowling For Soup (Ehhs, Turts?)
What movie could #3 be in?
Xiangyun; She'd be the mommy. (:
What famous person does/should #7 meet?
XinMun; F... Famous person? CALVIN CHENYIRU! DAMN.
What do you think of #10?
Suyu; ...
Would #7 make a good couple with #16?
XinMun/Eileen; They don't know each other but I reckon they'd be too busy laughing away to give a shit about love.
What about #23 and #5?
Ningyi/Ruolan; This isn't fun. How come there're no guy/girl pairings? Erm, don't think so.
And #2 and #20?
Beryl/Jack; Definitely. I'll be the first one to celebrate with streamers and champagne! Ohshit, they better not see this.
Fat Chance.Have you ever gone out with #9?
Fengg; She's my dearest #4. Of course!
What about #20?
Jack; Ehhhs. No.
Has #4 ever liked you?
ZhaoQinyu; Yeah. I think she's in love with me. (:
XIATIANxHAN!
What about #19?
ShuYing; C'mon lah. What kind of shit question is this? Everyone loves me.
Do you know anyone who likes #24?
Bingle; *cough*#25*cough*
Is #3 your friend? Why?
Xiangyun; Duh. If she wasn't my friend, why the fk would she be on the list?
What # should #11 go out with next?
Valerie; Hmm... How would I know?
Done. Oh that's sad. I don't mind doing another one, really.
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
8:19 PM
"Why did you do it?" She crumpled at the doorway, curling herself into a tight ball as they took him away. "Why?!" Her tears poured like there was no tomorrow, while her heart shattered into a million shards, to be scattered across the ground, to be trodden underfoot...As the two men clad in navy blue nudged him forwards roughly, he looked back, to see the sight of her devastated face. He stumbled forwards, turning his head away from the heart-wrenching sight. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tilted his face upwards, controlling the tears that threatened to spill. His own heart broke, as her wracking sobs tore through the silence of the night.Those anguished cries were soon masked, as the police car engine geared up and sped off into the darkness, its sirens at full blast.I think you can do much better than meAfter all the lies that I made you believeGuilt kicks in and I start to seeThe edge of the bedWhere your nightgown used to beHe looked around the bare, gray walls of his cell. Running callused fingers over the rough cement floor, images of her flashed through his mind. Her tinkling laugh, her radiant smile, her sparkling eyes, and her undying love for him... A single warm tear found its way down his cheek, falling to the ground. He sank back on his haunches, leaning his shaven head against the wall.All the things he had said to her, and all the promises he had made. Were they worth breaking, for the pathetic amount of cash in return? It was no wonder that she had lost her trust in him. He lied to her.I told myself I won't miss youBut I rememberWhat it feels like beside youI really miss your hair in my faceAnd the way your innocence tastesAnd I think you should know thisYou deserve much better than meA cool breeze tickled his cheek. The figure clad simply in a black shirt and worn jeans squinted his eyes against the bright sunlight. The prison warden smiled warmly at the man, a smile that he gladly returned.
He dragged his feet along the pavement, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. He wanted to go back, to see her beautiful face, to pull her into his arms and to never let go... But he knew he could not. He could never face her ever again - not after what he had done to her. Walking in silence, he hailed a cab and got in, conveying the address of their apartment to the driver.
While looking through your old box of notesI found those pictures I tookThat you were looking forIf there's one memory I don't want to loseThat time at the mallYou and me in the dressing roomThe blue paint on the door was peeling, and the windows had a thick layer of dust. Frowning, he walked closer, when the truth hit him. There was nobody living inside, despite the fact that the graying welcome mat was still in its rightful place. Where had she gone? A white-haired old lady shuffled up to the door of the next apartment. She paused and turned to look at him inquiringly.
"Hello, young man, may I help you?" Her smile was pleasant, and she looked at him with kind eyes. He returned her a shaky smile of his own.
"Do you know the lady who used to live here, ma'am?" He was startled that he would even bother asking that question. "Did she move away?"
"Oh... Yes, I do. She moved away five years ago. I met the woman a few times after I shifted to live with my daughter, but she left a little while after that," she replied thoughtfully. "Is there any reason why you're looking for her now?"
"No. Thank you, ma'am."
Five years... That was when I was taken away by the cops...She gave him one last smile and unlocked the door to her own apartment. He watched her enter the apartment before turning to leave, kicking at the mat as he went. The mat shifted, to reveal a dirtied piece of paper. Bending down, he picked up the paper. It wasn't a piece of paper after all, it was a photograph.
It was a younger him; a happier him. He had an arm slung around her slim shoulders, their faces lit up with ecstatic smiles. It had been taken on their anniversary when they were at their favorite hangout - behind the brick wall near the river. Four days before her birthday. Four days before he left. Carefully, he folded it and slid it into his pocket.
I told myself I won't miss youBut I rememberWhat it feels like beside youI really miss your hair in my faceAnd the way your innocence tastesAnd I think you should know thisYou deserve much better than meShe glanced at the calendar, one arm wrapped protectively around her daughter's shoulder. Her daughter looked up at her with innocent eyes, cradling her doll in her arms. A older woman entered the room to catch her daughter looking wistfully at the calender. A disapproving frown crossed her face.
"Girl, you have to stop thinking about that irresponsible guy."
"Mum..."
"He burgled a house, dear! And he left you with dear Angie all alone!"
"I..."
"Forget about him, he isn't worth it. C'mere Angie dear. We'll go bake some cookies..."
She watched her mother bring her daughter to the kitchen in silence. Maybe her mother was right. She should forget about him. The doorbell rang.
"Could you get the door, sweetheart?" Her mother called from the kitchen. She got up and crossed the floor to the closed door. Opening it, she saw nobody there. A glance down though, and there was an envelope.
The bed I'm lying in is getting colderWish I never would've said it's overAnd I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm olderCause we never really had our closureThis can't be the endDear Jesslyn,I did it, because I loved you.Love always,Damien"Why did you leave... again...?" It was a familiar side, as Jesslyn crumpled to the ground in a heap, tears trickling down her cheeks. She let loose a mirthless laugh when the photo of them fell from the envelope. "You promised you would never leave..."
I really miss your hair in my faceAnd the way your innocence tastesAnd I think you should know thisYou deserve much better than meI really miss your hair in my faceAnd the way your innocence tastesAnd I think you should know thisYou deserve much better than me(And I think you should know this)(You deserve much better than me)"I did it... Because I wanted to buy you a ring."
Damien sat atop the brick wall where they took their last photo. He picked up a stone and flung it out towards the river, watching it ripple the water's smooth surface.
"I'm leaving you... Because you deserve much better than me."
.End.
Labels: i told myself i won't miss you but-
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
12:29 PM
Scroll down, to the post dated September 02
And now I wonder what was the point of me writing so much, or typing so much, when I can't even bring myself to look at my worksheets?
Or when I can blow everything with one big mighty sneeze.That's right, yours truly is sick again. I'm telling you, this is like a monthly curse. And no, I don't mean the curse specially designed for the female Homo Sapiens. Wait, for all the females of every species actually. Right, I think I'm getting horrifically off-track.
Anyway, I'm not making it up. I'm falling sick every single month. My screwed up antibodies should have been working harder during schooling days rather than during the holidays when I have a footdrill competition coming up. My voice pretty much sounds like crap and I happen to be the commander. Everyone, please cheer now. Hallelujah.
*Cough Splutter Gasp*
That was me trying to breath after coughing for a full 30 seconds. I better get well soon by the competition date... or this demented cat will blow the entire school away with her mighty sneezing skills. (Well, ain't that good?) I want to study, but I'm not in the mugging mood. And neither am I in the blogging mood actually. Alright, I'll quit talking shit and go off to watch ZhongJiYiJia. No, I can't. SOMEONE'S lurking about in my room.
I will start studying after lunch.
Yes I will.
I swear I will.
And I hope I don't break this promise to myself. ):
Tatas,
LiLin
Labels: i talk shit so deal with it
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Monday, September 03, 2007
11:01 AM
What Hurts The Most by Rascal FlattsI can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother meI can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
Sunday, September 02, 2007
11:33 PM
Sometimes I think I have the greatest parents. They always give in to me, and I always get what I want.
When I was 8, I wanted to learn that stupid Chinese Orchestra instrument for unknown reasons that I clearly forgot. I begged and begged and I got it in the end.
When I was 10, I wanted the FurReal pet dog. I asked for it and I got it... 3 weeks later.
When I was 12, I asked for a dog, I got him in the end (a year later); I asked for a TV in my room, I got it in the end; I asked for a new MP3, I got it in the end; I was dying for that Chocolate LG phone (which I thought I probably would never get), I got it in the end. Now I'm requesting for drum lessons. Which I probably will get in the end.
And that is why I simply loathe myself to the core sometimes. I never seem to be able to appreciate the fact that I've got the most wonderful parents in the whole fucked-up world.
I can't appreciate the fact that I have a father who doesn't smoke/drink/gamble his whole life away, a mother who cooks/cleans/washes my clothes for me.
I can't appreciate the fact that I have parents who do everything just to make sure I have a good life.
I can't appreciate the fact that they started putting money monthly into my bank account ever since I was a bloody baby just so I can have money to go to university.
I can't appreciate the fact that they buy me practically everything I want regardless of what it is.
I can't appreciate the fact that they haven't murdered me yet for my stupid tantrums and my horrible temper.
I can't appreciate the fact that I have great parents who love me.
And I'm fking angry at myself for all that. I'm screwing my life up, and I'm screwing up everything that they have done for me. I'm screwing up what they wanted me to do - to have a good education and have a good job. Look at this fked up bitch sitting down in front of a laptop, updating her blog when she really should be revising her work.
I failed my physics, I failed my chemistry and I almost failed my maths. My english and elit, which were supposedly my best subjects, dropped by 3 damned grades (A1 to B4). I got a GPA of 2.2. Flipping back to the past few entries in my diary, I suddenly realized just how many times I wanted desperately to "Study hard and get good grades". I also discovered, that one of my New Year resolutions was to not let my parents down. At this rate, I feel remorseful that in the end, I will let them down.
Maybe I should quit thinking about drumming lessons and concentrate on my studies instead.
Maybe I should quit falling asleep in class and start actually PAYING ATTENTION to the teacher.
Maybe I should quit dreaming about being a writer when the grades of my supposedly best subject is falling as quickly as an elephant being pushed off the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Maybe I should quit being a bitch who's all talk and no action.
D'you think I can do it? I don't know. Because all I know now is that I'm fking CRYING because the horrible realization of what I'm doing to my parents is dropping like a bomb on me. Yeah. That's right.
Bye,
LiLin
P.S: No, this statement is still not a promt for you to tell me to put up a bloody tagboard. How many times do you want me to repeat that, BARNEY?
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender;
