Razorbladekisses

2008-05-01T21:08:00.004+08:00

Sexy YooBin!
Killer legs yo.
((: TOP aka Tempo aka Choi SeungHyun.
*electric shock* Thanks, I needed that.

YOOTOP! Ah, I see hearts.

HE TOUCHED HER CHIN! *screams*

They should just get married and have hot rapping babies with sexy voices and killer legs and mesmerizing eyes already. On second thought, maybe not.

2008-03-16T18:39:00.001+08:00

I switched to Livejournal.

http://lrazorbladel.livejournal.com/

Although I'm keeping this blog, because I think one day I'll get sick of LJ and come back here.

Bye, blog. I love you. *mwacks*

2008-03-16T15:14:00.002+08:00

I got novelties so appeasing

Feed my fetish please

Satisfy me babe

"Feedback" Janet Jackson

That song is soooo hot, please. After mugging for an hour on Thursday, 4 hours on Friday and 6 hours on Saturday, I think I ran out of the mugging spirit. For the first time in my RV history, I actually finished every single one of my holidy homework. To make things worse, tomorrow is the day of my next Maths test. To make things doubly worse, I just finished reading not one, but two books on How To Deal With Procrastination - don't ask me why I borrowed them - and here I am, doing exactly what I've been trying to get rid of. I guess I really can't work well with my laptop in plain sight. I don't have to elucidate, do I?

Besides, I need a limitless quantity of Cadbury Milk Chocolate bars (because I only eat milk chocolate), Spearmint Mentoes, bubble tea, carbonated drinks, M&Ms, Lays and brainpower. All of which I've run out of. I just finished another row of Mentoes. ): When I die, I'll die a happy person because I've been stuffed with sweets and chocolates. Why are girls so obsessed with chocolates? Because chocolate is comfort food, that's why. Blogger forbids me to type the 'less than three' symbol so I won't even bother trying. All the above mentioned foods contain high amounts of sugar, with the exception of the chips which help to balance it all out with some salt. Why do you need sugar to mug? Because you need craploads of energy to rebuild all the dead brain cells. Why do you have dead brain cells? Are you stupid or are you stupid? I guess I'm stupid. Hell yeah, you are.

ZX was right. Madonna's new album cover looks very sick, the name of the album sounds wrong enough already. And thanks for that mental image of people we know. I bought a new top and a new RED jacket! Although I have enough clothes. I want black shorts. D: Shit I do sound like a bimbo. I had so many things to say last night, but I was busy downloading songs. I believe I downloaded more than 25 songs. Therefore, I can conclude that I should not procrastinate and do things the moment I feel like doing them. I felt like blogging last night. I don't even know what I'm blogging about now. My blog is a dustbin; a very pretty dustbin. I dump all my randomness in there. I need to empty it soon.

I'm... going to return to MSN-ing and downloading more songs. Or searching for more nice photos on deviantart. I will study my maths later! :DDD (The book says that speaking positively will give you more motivation to do work. It ain't working.)

FEEDBACK!

2008-03-13T21:54:00.004+08:00

The only thing I ever loved has gone away;
Rhythm of the Rain

I wish I was lying in the middle of that field, breathing in the scent of oncoming rain. It'd start raining. The rain would start off small - you'd be able to feel individual raindrops landing lightly on your skin. Then there will be a slight breeze, bringing heavier rains with it. And suddenly it'd be raining so hard that you can't even open your eyes to stare at the pretty dark clouds. It'd be raining so hard that the only thing you can hear in the sound of rain hitting any open surface. It'd be raining so hard that the only thing you can feel is water running down your skin. It'd be raining so hard that the only thing you can see is darkness - because you can barely open your eyes. It'd be raining so hard that the whole damn world would be washed away into nothingness and you're the only one left in this world and it'd be loud but silent, melancholy but happy, uncomfortable but peaceful. How do I explain this? ~~Typing this makes me want to cry.~~

Why does time pass so fast? Everything just happens in the blink of an eye. I don't understand how something that happened years ago can feel like yesterday. I don't understand how today can come and go so quickly. 24 hours. 7 days a week. That's 168 hours per week. How did that slip past you, me and everybody else in this world without us noticing? Before you know it, it's the end of the March Holidays.

15 years and 2 months ago, you'd probably be nothing more than a vulnerable thing in your mother's stomache. Or you could be a toddler; or even a teenager. 15 years and 2 months later, your mother's staring at you and wondering how the years went by like 1,2,3 and now you're a moody teenager. Now you're working in the adult world; now you have your own family. Life is definitely short. Take a good look at your baby photos. Who's that chubby, adorable, cuddly creature? Like hell it's you. Oh wait, yes it is.

Why does time crawl so slowly? The world is moving in slow motion. She's still as pretty as ever, he's still as full of energy as he was 5 minutes ago. I thought it was the weekend. Why isn't it the weekend? Oh damn, here comes the Physics teacher. I hate Physics. It's just 24 hours! 7 days! 168 hours. So why can't time just fking hurry up and propel us into the future?

15 years and 2 months ago? How long ago was that - why're you even thinking about a period of time like that? 15 years and 2 months later? That, is so far away. I can't even start to imagine myself as a wrinkled old lady with sagging skin and snowy white hair. I rather not think of myself as a skeletal corpse so soon, thanks a lot. OH PLEASE. Marraige is for noobs!

See, it's been 24 minutes since I first started this post. I didn't even realize it was already so late. Tomorrow during CCA, I'll be wondering when CCA ends so that I can hurry up and finish my homework (don't get me wrong, I am not doing it because I like it). Tomorrow night I'll be praying and wishing that the day was longer by another 5 hours so I get more time to use the computer and start on my homework.

Time is funny. Time is weird. Time is insane. Time is something. Time is nothing. Time is money. Time is useless. Time is necessary. Time is something that nobody can ever define so maybe I should just give up and begin thinking about my Physics assignment.

Books to recommend: The Hoopster; Hip-Hop High School; Homeboyz (All by Alan Lawrence Sitomer) The Hoopster gives a very good, solid introduction of the trilogy, but it only brushes the main point slightly. Disappointing, but a good read. Hip-Hop High School was, to say the least, enlightening. Tee-Ay went through quite a load of shit. Lol. Homeboyz... I'm only half-way through and I like it already.

40 minutes.

Have a nice night. I'm going off to waste my time preparing my uniform for tomorrow.

2008-03-10T22:06:00.005+08:00

I know why. ): It's because I'm missing camp like mad and it's showing pretty clearly. Camp has achieved the following:

a) Addled my sense of time

b)Warped my mind about the difference between guys and girls

Let us first discuss about 'a'. When I reached home after going to JE to play PHOTOHUNT with my beloved squadmates, I took a bath and went to sleep at 5.30pm. At 7.00pm I woke up to a very bright room and a very dark sky outside (and to my dad scolding me). My first thoughts were, "Why is it so bright? Where is everybody? Oh FAECES, did I sleep through the firedrill? Why is the floor so soft? Did I steal Yees's sleeping bag somewhere in the middle of the night? Oh my god, I hear my father. Wait, I'm at home." Please note that it was 7.00PM in the morning and not AM. Still, it's not as bad as LNY who went to sleep until 9plus and smsed me after that; not as bad as TZX who slept until 11plus and called me after that, went back to sleep and woke up at 6am to finish his bio assignment; not as bad as KXY who slept until 830am this morning. What a stark contrast to me sleeping from 12am to 1030am.

Moving on to 'b', I had an even weirder dream last night. I was pushed into the guys' toilet behind the hall for some undefined reason. Feeling very puzzled, I walked out, because I clearly remembered wanting to go to the LADIES. I bumped into XinMun when I walked out and what the fuck XinMun just talked to me on MSN right after I typed that.

XM: *stares* Staff, why you come out of the toilet?

Me: What're you talking about? This is the guys' toilet!
XM: No, this is the girls' toilet.
Me: Huh?! There're urinals in that damn place. Only guys use urinals!
XM: Staff, are you okay? Girls use urinals.

Me: What the hell is happening here? *storms into the girls' toilet*

Sim Wei Liang was standing at the sink.

Both of us: *screams*

Me: Eh! What the heck are you doing in the girls' toilet?!

WL: Huh? This is the guys' toilet!

*LIM BING LE APPEARS*

BL: STAFF!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE GUYS' TOILET?!

Me: What is wrong with everybody! o.O This is the girls' toilet! See, there's the sanitary bin!

WL: Staff... This is really the guys' toilet. We also need to use the bin one...

Me: You shittin' me?
BL: NO, STAFF!
Me: The guys' toilet is right next door okay? Stop fooling around and go over now.

WL: That's the girls' toilet!
Me: There are urinals and a common shower so stop messing around with my dream and get on with it.
WL: But... But...

BL: But... we don't know how to use urinals.
Me: *frustrated and annoyed and bloody fking hell pissed off* Eh look, I don't know what you guys are playing at but I'm sleepy and tired and exhausted and sick of arguing with you so just...

*Some guy with long hair exits a cubicle - I can't remember the face or the name but I'm pretty sure it's ChiunYuan*

Me: *gasps* WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE TOO?!
Random guy: *starts combing his long hair the-creepy-female-ghost-way*
Me: *shrieks and shrieks and shrieks*

And then I woke up. See what I mean? I should never have checked the guys' toilet with ZhiXiang. Or checked the guys' bunk for that matter. It gave me nightmares. But the main point is:

I miss camp so damn much, I miss our bunk, I miss my squadmates, I miss Yees's secret surprise midnight birthday celebration (x 2), I miss quarrelling with LNY although we do that every single day but wth, I miss laughing at TZX running over to our bunk in the middle of the night because he didn't want to sleep in the guys' bunk (LMAO), I miss all of us clamming our mouths shut after we spluttered 'shit' and giving LNY the o.O look and shouting "FAECES! DUNG! NOT S***!" after that, I miss eating at night, I miss stumbling over to the toilet after the juniors' light out to get our wash up time, I miss making The Perfect Cup of Milo for my juniors, I miss shivering like crazy in our bunk because the aircon is so screwed and made us all feel so damn cold, I miss watching my juniors get bullied by my squadmates - alright maybe not, I miss jumping around like some crazy woman high on chocolate during our juniors' performances, I miss screaming my lungs out during the campfire, I miss complaining with Lynette about stupid bloody contact lenses, I miss being amazed at BearBear's rather good singing skills (I don't think he reads my blog so it doesn't matter), I miss sleeping 4 hours a day, I miss sleeping on the bus on the way to JEC with my squadmates, I miss it all. ): And it was our last UG camp.

Yeah well that's it. I'm going to go... Alright my baobei #2 is insisting that I type faster so that she can read how she appeared in my nightmare. Byebye. I'll leave all the other stuff to another day.

2008-03-05T12:09:00.003+08:00

I've been having a headache for the past few days and it hasn't exactly ceased so I suppose that gives me a good excuse to stay at home and rest, no? I don't care if you say no because it's too late and I'm already at home. I just returned from the doctor's. I'm not in a very productive mood, although the very reason why I stayed at home is to mug my Singapore Studies (and I have a freaking test tomorrow) and my Elit (& I have a test on Friday). I'm reading another Sky High fanfic. It's hard to get over obsessions when you're me. RuoLan smsed me in the morning. When I was still asleep. & told me she missed me. HEYY I MISS YOU TOO! :D I don't want to eat my medicine. Because one of them requires me to chew first then swallow. What kind of shit medicine needs you to chew first? When I say 'shit' I meant it as an adjective and not a noun.

I had the weirdest dream this morning. Hmmm I say this morning because I woke up at 6, lifted my head off the pillow, was hit with a splitting pain, and decided that I shouldn't go to school. So I went back to sleep, and had the weirdest dream ever. It had something to do with a bunch of my friends, and a bunch of people, running around a building. A lot of people were helping us out - the cleaners, the staff, the clerk? I think there was some maniac with superpowers trying to murder us. And his superpowers were abit difficult to deal with. I know I had to hide in a toilet with a GUY. It was the girls' toilet anyway. And the guards couldn't find us because they were too shy to step into a girls' toilet (hey maybe that's why Mas Selamat still can't be found. HE'S HIDING IN THE LADIES!). And then after that somehow or other we got caught and he gave us a chance or some crap like that. He threw the kids into some parallel dimension or something. And the parallel dimension was a carpark. The outside was kinda dark-ish, like it was late evening or something. And the bloody lights in the carpark seemed to have fused and only one of them was working. OH XIANGYUN WAS IN MY DREAM. I THINK QINYU WAS IN MY DREAM TOO! We had to find 10 items which were seriously rather stupid things like "glowing orange" and "life buoy" (we uncovered a bunch of glowsticks and ripped a tire off a car) and one of the items was a 'dilapitated room' and I think some guy found it. And then when we went into the room (which had bloodstains on the ground) there were alot of drawings on the wall. And we had to do exactly what the drawings portrayed and once the room decided that what we're doing looks right enough, the drawings (which were in red) would turn yellow. And there were a hell lot of stupid stuff. I can only recall having got to pretend to strangle Qinyu. Oh and bite Ningyi on the arm. I should start on a new paragraph.

So when all these drawings finally turned yellow, a small wooden door appeared and we all ran through it. Then we were all tossed into pitch black darkness and we went whirling about for a few seconds before we were dumped unceremoniously onto the ground. Like, ouch? And then some guy exclaimed in horror, "SHIT. WE'RE BACK AT THE CARPARK!" Everybody looked around and panicked. Sure, we were back at the carpark at the exact same place where we started. Only that it was morning or maybe afternoon. Then that guy's brother (yes, I can actually remember that that guy has a younger brother.) exclaimed and pointed to the other side of the carpark, "GOR! THAT'S OUR HOUSE! AND THE TREE OUTSIDE OUR HOUSE." Don't ask me why I dreamt of a tree. Then we gawped. Before Tingg (AH YEAH SHE WAS IN MY DREAM TOO!) shrieked and pointed back at the other direction. Then we turned and we saw THAT EVIL GUY wearing a white nightdress (wth?) that was striped with green paint. He saw us. And he balked. And he turned and FLOATED away. He floated downstairs. So we all ran after him, hoping he'd lead us somewhere. Then the more we chased, the faster he floated and he floated and floated and he had a beard and he floated until he led us out into sunlight and he became incinerated and he dropped into a pile of pathetic ashes. And that place looked eerily like the carpark next to my building. In real life, I mean.

A series of things happened and suddenly we saw an old old woman - who looked like the one running about with us before we got thrown into said parallel dimension. She didn't see us. Feeling very worried, we started walking around the place, and seeing alot of familiar faces, all those people who had been with us. They all couldn't seem to see us, and they were all so OLD. Somehow or another we ended up at a temple. And there was this lady praying at the altar. Then one of the guys cried out, "HEY THAT'S OUR MOM!" Yeah it's those brothers again. But when they ran to her, she ignored them totally. The rest of us went nearer and we heard her mumbling, "Please let my boys be safe. I don't know where they are but I don't want them to be hurt." It was all so "awww". I think I may have cried in my sleep. Then there was this other old woman. Who was a very pretty lady before we all ended up somewhere else. She was smiling at us. What the... she could see us! So I ran to her and tried to ask her what was going on. And she refused to say anything, she just smiled again very sadly, and then one tear rolled down her cheek and she hugged me. ?!?!!?! So I... hugged her back? Then we walked back to the carpark, and all of us were sobbing and sniffling for some stupid unknown reason and then my father woke me up and told me it was going to be 10 o'clock already. I just wasted half an hour recounting this dream. Or nightmare. Depending on how you look at it. I gotta go eat my medicine. I can't believe I actually remembered all that. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I EVER REMEMBERED A DREAM SO CLEARLY. Except for the nightmare about the tunnel. Which I really don't feel like recounting because it's so fking creepy. Bye, have a nice day.

2008-03-02T15:46:00.002+08:00

He looks totally like my Viper. o.O

I probably don't strike you as someone who'd go gaga over a sweet love song but WTH, I went gaga over this sweet love song. TAYLOR SWIFT, YOU ROCK THE WORLD (please stop writing songs that'll make me cry)!

i'd lie - taylor swift

I don’t think that passenger seat

Has ever looked this good to me

He tells me about his night

I count the colors in his eyes

He’ll never fall in love he swears

As he runs his fingers through his hair

I'm laughing cause I hope he’s wrong

I don’t think it ever crossed his mind

He tells a joke, I fake a smile

But I know all his favorite songs

And

I could tell you

His favorite color’s green

He loves to argue

Born on the seventeenth

His sister’s beautiful

He has his father’s eyes

And if you ask me if I love him

I’d lie

He looks around the room

Innocently overlooks the truth

Shouldn’t a light go on?

Doesn’t he know that I’ve had him memorized for so long?

He sees everything in black and white

Never lets no body see him cry

And I don’t let no body see me wishing he was mine

I could tell you

His favorite color’s green

He loves to argue

Born on the seventeenth

His sister’s beautiful

He has his father’s eyes

And if you ask me if I love him

I’d lie

He stands there then walks away

My God if I could only say

I’m holding every breath for you

He’d never tell you

But he can play guitar

I think he can see through

Everything but my heart

First thought when I wake up

Is my God he’s beautiful

So I put on my make-up

And pray for a miracle

Yes And

I could tell you

His favorite color's green

He loves to argue

Oh and it kills me

His sister's beautiful

He has his father's eyes

And if you asked me if I love him

Don't you ask me if I love him

Cause I’d lie

2008-03-01T10:46:00.004+08:00

This is to any member of the male population reading my blog: The following content contains detailed information that you may not wish to know about. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I had Phyisical Training yesterday for both PE and CCA. That probably explains the reason why my whole body is aching like anything. The 3 rounds around the track, 60 sit-ups and 60 push-ups in PE was bad enough, but the 2 rounds and 50 push-ups during CCA just added to the pain. To make matters worse, we lunged around half the track and I did 30 squats with the Year 1s right after lunging. Soon after that, we sprinted across the damn field to fall in for last parade. I think I gave the term 'fall in' a new literal meaning when I literally fell into the squad because my legs very nearly gave way.

Before I continue though, I must share this rather dumb thing I ~~almost~~ did yesterday. After one of their many water parades, I told the Year 2s to 'cap your bottles'. And so they obediently capped their bottles, by placing the bottle cap gently on top of the bottle mouth. I wanted to tell them to screw the caps back on. I turned to XiangYun and asked, "Right, so what am I supposed to say now? Screw your bottle caps? *momentary pause* OH MY FKING GAWD DID I JUST SAY THAT?!" I ran away to leave XiangYun to do the rest of the job. I think I'd have died of laughter if I really said that.

I deformed a bottle of green tea after CCA, because its contents were frozen into ice and I couldn't drink a single drop. I had to smash it against the table (which cracked) repeatedly and shake it vigorously and hurl it at the floor all in front of my juniors who must think that their Staff LiLin is insanely violent. Not that I care. And the story starts after the bottle of green tea. Just after I threw the finished bottle away, I felt something drastic happening and grabbed Ningyi to tell her what happened. Unfortunately, we didn't get to go to the toilet. But that's alright.

The people who've had serious exercise before would probably understand that all the muscle aches come the next day (i.e: today). So now I'm suffering from muscle aches all over and am cramping like someone just wound my insides around a stick. I can't even move myself from this freaking fetal position. I think I'm dying. The medicine isn't working for the first time in its life and I've slurped so many cups of hot water that my back teeth should be floating in water already. I'm going to tear up soon if this doesn't stop. I hate being a girl. Shit this. ):

That GPA 3.0 is running further and further out of reach. Soon, I won't even be able to even brush my fingertips against it. My current GPA is 1.6. That's practically half a goal away. I scored A1 for my Language Arts and Elit. And then I got E8 and F9 for all the rest of my subjects - I kid you not. Why do I bother studying? I ended up doodling through the rest of my Physics lesson rather than listen to Suria digressing from magnetic field properties to something which I didn't understand. At all.

Yeah that's what I doodled. The black and red lines are words, if you're a blind old bat.

I got scolded by my mother again when she saw the 'LILIN' I drew on my arm. ): I was bored during a lecture, what can you expect? At least I wrote my own name and not 'DEATH' or something like that. I scribbled that onto someone's table during Elit lesson. When I went back the next day, it was already erased. Guess I freaked someone out.

I realized that all the courses that I wish to take in Uni are courses which have requirements I cannot reach. I want to get into Human Resource Consulting, but I need a H1 level pass in Mathematics - and I'm not even sure if I can pass my Maths. I want to study Law, but then I suddenly wondered if I can even make it past the stupid IP thing.

I'm going to go finish reading 'Jonnie the Girl', continue turning to mush while dreaming of Ryder then start on my homework after lunch. And tomorrow, I'll study my Trigonometry for Monday's Mathematics Test 2. And I will study, just you wait and see. Wow. That rhymed.

x Maths Worksheet 1F - Applications of Trigonometry/Circular Measure

x English Expository Writing

x Singapore Studies Switzerland (Don't ask me why we're studying Switzerland when the compulsory subject is clearly named 'SINGAPORE Studies'. Note that I have bolded and Cap-ed the 'Singapore'.)

Goodbye,

Her Royal Highness, Princess Li Lin, Queen of the Cats

P.S: I'm in a hell lot of pain. Somebody kill me.

2008-02-25T23:09:00.004+08:00

I should find it all rather familiar, and I should already be used to it. I should not feel that twanging pain in my chest when I look at those 2 sets of screwed up papers. I thought I studied so hard for the first test, I thought I'd maybe, just maybe, at least pass. I know I didn't do well for the retest. I mean, the only question I knew how to do was supposedly wrong. I guess I just didn't expect to fail twice, especially not when it was the first time I ever started studying for a test at least a week before it arrives. Well, maybe with the exception of PSLE when I mugged the entire year and slacked everyday during the PSLE period. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was the person I was back then in Primary 6.

You know you can never turn back time.

4 years ago, she rushed home everyday to study, the only breaks she took were to bath, eat, watch just ONE HOUR of television, and sleep. On weekends, she used the computer for maybe an hour or two, before devoting the rest of her time to s t u d y i n g. She would do her homework without fail, and submit them right on the dot. She never slacked. Somebody please tell me, just who the hell is she?

She isn't worth remembering; she's already dead.

I really wonder if I'd do just as well now as I did in primary school if I mugged really hard. Looking at the results of my apparent 'hard work', I believe not. It appears to me that my hard work doesn't pay off, so why do I even bother trying?

Because you don't want to disappoint your parents again.

You know I honestly don't give a shit about how they feel.

& you know you don't seriously think that way.

I still cannot comprehend why I bother trying so hard.

Maybe it's because you don't want to break your promise.

What promise?

You should just die.

Y'know, this could be the first and last time I ever agree with you.

I'm going to burn the two sets of Maths testpapers with their insulting, bright, bold and red '11's. 11 over 25. I still can't get over it. It doesn't help that I screwed up my Physics test by skipping an entire question on plane waves worth almost 10 marks. I think I'm going to cry, but I'm not going to. Why're you looking at me like you want to know why?

Because crying is weak, because crying is useless, because you simply should not cry.

On a (wayyyy) lighter note, I finally bought Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Piccoult on Friday. Great starting, loved the middle, adored the twist, and loathed the ending. It didn't make much sense to me. Overall, 2.5 (for the plot) + 0.5 (for the sweet cover) + 0.5 (for the twist and the presence of a perfectionist) + 1 (for the damned good quote) = 4.5/5

Read the book, you may have a totally different opinion. Although my favorite quote is still the one from Office Politics. Stupid people who don't know me well can take a running leap and crash straight into a mattress now please.

"All men are bastards. But don't worry. I'm not that silly." - Office Politics.

I finally got my (purple&black) Converse sneakers that I'd been eyeing. And a pair of 'Ripples' slippers that I can actually wear out. [Sorry Cheryl, I know you wanted to go buy flipflops together but what the hell you already bought yours too. Haha.]

HCI, NYGH and RVHS combined mock competition on Saturday. JXYY didn't score the highest in anything, but I'm still proud of you girls okay? I'm sure you did your best, and we still have one month left to train before Zone Competition arrives. We can do it kayy! [: Work harder and KEEP YOUR EYES ON THAT GOAL.

-Jesslyn.Xinmun.Yuting.Yongen-

我的宝贝们！ Haha, at least it doesn't sound as wrong as Tan Zhi Xiang calling his trainees that. We'll have a lot of fun doing car accident cases, seeing as the bunch of you aren't any good at that. *sadonic grin* I love you too, baobeis.

There you go. A long-winded, scarily mood-swinging, highly informative, and recently updated life post of Sing Li Lin the Great.

It's 11.:38pm and I'm yawning for the millionth time in a row. Goodnight, have a nice day tomorrow. Provided you live to see daylight, of course.

C.H.E.M.I.S.T.R.Y

2008-02-18T21:29:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow is my chemistry test. I don't want to flunk it like I flunked my Maths retest today, so I'm actually bothering to study. This is an advanced warning: The following content contains mad ramblings of a demented woman; please refrain from reading it if you cannot stomach such things.

Redox

Oxidation:

Increase in oxygen ions
Increase in oxidation number
Decrease in hydrogen ions
Decrease in electrons

Reduction:

Decrease in oxygen ions
Decrease in oxidation number
Increase in hydrogen ions
Increase in electrons

A redox reaction occurs when there is both oxidation and reduction in the equation. Oxidation number in elements = 0; oxidation number in simple ions = charge; oxidation number in hydrogen ions in metal = -1; oxidation number in hydrogen ions in non-metals = +1; oxidation number of oxygen as an oxide = -2; oxidation number of oxygen as a peroxide = -1.

Oxidizing agents are basically the nice people who keep contributing their oxygen ions and get their oxidation number decreased, but they also steal all the electrons and hydrogen ions. Reducing agents are the shitty tyrants who snatch away everybody's oxygen ions but they're like Robin Hood or something because they give their electrons and hydrogen ions away. Although the correct terms are really oxygen/hydrogen/electron ACCEPTOR and oxygen/hydrogen/electron DONOR but who cares.

Speed of Reaction

Ooooh I like this one.

The rate of reaction is affected by the following factors:

Temperature
Pressure
Particle Size
Concentration
Catalyst

Temperature-

The temperature of the solution is proportional to the rate of reaction. The higher the temperature, the faster the rate of reaction. This is because when there's more heat, the particles possess more energy and move about more vigorously, increasing the frequency of collision, and thus there are higher chances of effective collisions. Also, the increase in temperature results ina larger number of particles possessing energy greater than or equal to the activation energy, thus more successful collisions will occur.

Pressure-

The higher the pressure, the faster the rate of reaction. A higher pressure would mean that the distance between the particles have decreased, thus the chances of them colliding with each other increases and this also increases the frequency of effective collisions.

Particle Size-

The smaller the particles, the faster the rate of reaction; the surface area of the particles increase pretty drastically when the reactant is in powder form compared to the reactant in a solid rock. This then causes an increase in the frequency of collisions, and yeah yeah yeah effective collisions blah.

Concentration-

An increase in the concentration of the solution means that there is a higher amount of particles per unit volume. The particles are closer together, so there is a higher chance of them banging into each other. Then suddenly, BOOM, there's a reaction because there's been an effective collision.

Catalyst-

A catalyst provides an alternative route for particles with lower activation energy. More particles will then be able to react with the... other particles? due to the reduced activation energy and there will be an increase in the rate of reaction.

By the way, a catalyst remains chemically unchanged despite being banged around by a million and one particles although the state can very well be changed. The catalyst is also not used up by the end of the reaction.

Yeah, that's all. I don't give a shit about anything else. I'm going to contemplate writing the next chapter of MMHOI and moan over the fact that I'll never be able to complete Hate Me because of my lack of inspiration. If you think you can continue the story, tell me. I'll gladly hand it over to you. [:

I HATE BLOGGER

2008-02-12T00:10:00.000+08:00

I want to go to bed. It’s already 12:07am. It’s the early early early morning of 12.2.2008 okay! Yet I’m still typing on Microsoft Word because I don’t want Blogger to toss my painfully written post out the virtual vindow. (Use your imagination, please.) I just wanted to complete the sentence I started in my previous post. Y’know, the one which I said I’m continue ‘later on’. Here it goes:

Speaking about money, a bunch of us SJAB girls were sitting in the canteen, awaiting the arrival of a certain Mr. TZX who cried 30 seconds into his arrival, scaring the shit out of me. We were happily talking about… Valentine’s Day. Although I still can’t quite fathom how we managed to link from Physics homework to V-Day. Anyway, from V-Day, we linked all the way to our future… husbands. If we’re even going to have any – or rather, if I’m even going to have any. Apparently, more than 1 of us reckon that a husband’s loyalty does not matter at all. I’m one of those ‘more than 1 of us’. As long as he is filthy rich, doesn’t ever divorce me until he dies, gives me a limitless spending credit card and doesn’t care about me, he can have as many extra-marital affairs as he wants. He can even have a hundred and one illegitimate children all over the world, just as long as he doesn’t go broke trying to support all of them. I don’t give a shit. Honest. I’ll just smile at them in that annoying patronizing manner and give them a $2 angpao every CNY.

Don’t preach to me about love, much less true love. It doesn’t exist. Please also ignore the little fact that I mentioned the word ‘love’ more than thrice in my previous post. I said it before, ‘love’ doesn’t even come close to having a definition in my dictionary. It’s just a word I use all the time. I don’t even want anyone to love me. In fact, I get freaked out when a guy becomes too nice. It makes me want to run away and avoid him for life. And these mad ramblings are the result of the looming tests that are coming up on V-Day. Although I can’t exactly remember what tests there are.

I’m re-typing this blog post simply to ease my tormented soul because I really can’t stand the fact that I wasted almost 2 hours of my life on it and it was lost thanks to Blogger’s screwed up ‘Autosave’ device. I’ve grown to rely on it so much that I don’t even bother saving the drafts myself. So what happens in the end? It autosaves only half, or maybe even less than half. Not even a quarter! It autosaved less than a quarter of the quotes I copied and pasted from the amazing, brilliant, creative, delightful, extraordinary, fabulous, great, heaven-defying, illuminating, magnificent, original, perfect, stupefying, wonderful story. I hate Blogger. I plan to delete my blog again… Maybe I’ll switch to Xanga or something.

Or perhaps I won’t even continue blogging anymore. I hear a horrified gasp. Fear not, my dear readers. I… honestly don’t care. [: One day I’ll create a list of all the cool quotes from OP… When I’m free. And when I’ve finished writing all 24 V-Day cards. Shucks, I hate V-Day, but I’d feel bad when people give me stuff and I don’t give them anything back. I’m going to bed now. There’s CCA today. Yaye?

Wordcount: 585

2008-02-11T22:06:00.000+08:00

& here lies more quotes from the story which has shaped me into the cynical young lady *cough* that I am today. Alright, I lie, I'm just going to continue pasting some quotes from the marvelous story which I have been trying to persuade more people to read. [: And before I forget, I must remember to credit the authoress of this intriguing story before I get sued for copyright - thanks for the reminder this morning, Eggy. Love ya loads.

Lo and behold:

It’s just stacks of rectangular paper with watermarks on them for him. (Speaking about money... I'll continue this sentence later on.)

The day I fall in love with a philandering idiot like him is the day when pigs fly in a freezing Hell, which has switched places with Heaven and is now ruled by God.

Both of you are so lame that it’s like you have a leg permanently injured! Each! (LMAO, Selina that cute girl.)

“Ella Chen. Spit. It. Out. You know? Phui?”

“What, woman? All I can make out from that bedroom drawl you just adopted are the words ‘Wu Chun’. Now’s not the time for seduction, hubby dear! I know you’re longing for my devastating figure, but, you know. Time and place, much? NOW TELL ME. PHUI PHUI. C’mon.”

Digressing— I don’t know why people love red roses. Hate the smell. And when I rubbed the petal over the underside of my wrist once, out of curiosity, it made me itch like hell. (Sorry Ella, I LOVE red roses. :D Especially dead red roses.)

A ghetto wannabe who’s perpetually high, with thick gold chains around your neck and half-bent fingers that can never seem to open straight out.

Jiro Wang, I’m going to traipse to Southeast Asian to look for a bomoh and ask him to curse you with a pet Pontianak the next time you flaunt about going to the company barbecue cum pool party. (Awww, Selina!)

You don’t want to get involved with a rich, arrogant, evil, rigid, anal-retentive, flirtatious, cheesy, chauvinistic bastard like Wu Chun, believe me. (AHHHH! I LOVE HEBE!)

“Ella? Sis? Jia Hua? Yo?”

Ican't be bothered to retype the entire motherfking long post. Come kill my computer if you want. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. i hate this bloody laptop. jisod i39yq285q5urewc GAHHHHHHHHHHHH I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ANNOYED BEFORE IN MY ENTIRE DAMN LIFE, AIFH IWUQH T82O`PY ah!

SHIT THIS LAH.

2008-02-10T22:44:00.000+08:00

那个疯狂的人是我;

With regards to my dauntingly annoying state of boredom and in turn - boredom-induced state of mind, I have decided to come with a list of my favorite quotes from Office Politics. I believe I have tried promoting this fanfic a few times in my blog before but here goes nothing: www.winglin.net/fanfic/xuewen2/

Trust me, this fanfic is totally worth reading. I was giggling right from the start (and no, the giggling was not contributed by any form of alcohol.) and even Chun sounds a tad appealing. We all know how I feel about that not-very-aesthetically-pleasing guy. That's my personal opinion, of course. There are certain people (i.e: my baobei #1 and Beryl) who reckon that he's hot. Anyway, anything that can make me read it for the eighth time and make me come really close to printing all *insert number* chapters of it out, is seriously, truly, madly, deeply worth reading okay!

So here're some random quotes - and some of them have been my PM for quite a period of time. I'm pretty sure those who talk to me quite alot on MSN will notice which ones they are:

I’m currently asexual and an amoeba at heart, and thus am not interested in men. (Gotta love Hebe.)
...the atmosphere in my office was chilly enough to rear emperor penguins without risking their health.
Hello, I want her to get married to that man, not tear his head off during their wedding night like some demented praying mantis. (Love Selina.)
All men are bastards.
But don’t worry. I’m not that silly. (Hebe again.)

Screw this - on second thought, don't try it. I'm too agitated over something else to continue already. Just go read that story if you're interested. I'm going to work off my frustration by reading another bit of the story before burrowing my head into my comforting blankets and going to sleep.

Have a nice day,

LiLin

2008-02-08T23:08:00.000+08:00

Jack Neo's newest movie definitely isn't worth a half-star review like 8 Days claimed. I'm beginning to lose faith in that magazine. So what if some funnies are pretty old? I doubt they've gone stale yet and Singaporean movies are still pretty well-received by the masses, considering the fact that the theatre I was in was totally filled. I suspect that there wasn't even one empty seat, and the whole place erupted into laughter every few minutes or so. Yes, it was THAT amusing. This shows that I like movies that are peppered with numerous vulgarities. Tsktsk.

Fann kicks ass in the show - both literally & figuratively; Mark Lee portrays a sissy so well that I almost thought he really was one; one of Fann's lackey is pretty eye candy-ish (damn cute! :D). The plot was lacking a little bit, and there were a few questions on whether what the characters did was actually feasible but I won't focus on that.

Instead, I think I'll stress on how bloody hilarious the movie was. I was laughing so hard I practically rocked in my seat. It's one of those rare movies that I don't mind re-watching a few hundred times. I absolutely loved it. Alright, so I'm mainly ranting and raving about how great the show is simply because I don't want to disclose any of the funnies in the show. To watch the show, you have to have good stamina, because it's pretty hard to catch your breath between the frequent bouts of laughter.

Dang, I'll end my blogpost here. See, all it takes for me to ~~finally~~ update my blog is to bring me to a really really good movie. Does anyone want to rewatch it? You can treat me to another visit to the theatre, I really don't mind. Alright I'm kidding.

Enjoy yourselves for the remaining two days before we go back to hell! This year's cash still didn't beat last year's. Last year's hit $1500, this year was at least $400 lesser. Blabbers.

Yours happily,
Li Lin

2008-02-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

I was forced into doing this.

I cut my hair. ): My fringe is GONE! Alright, technically, it's still around. It's just that it's pretty short. The back of my hair so thinned. The sides of my hair feel weird. I feel so naked without my fringe, I can't swish it in front of my eyes anymore. I can't scare the shit out of people on the streets anymore. I can't freak people out anymore simply because my hair is no longer helping me to look intimidating and I'll probably look like I'm telling them to continue pissing me off. Gah. But hair will grow; I'll be patient and wait until it decides to return from it's long long journey. To somewhere.

My entire body is tired and aching badly. Thanks to yesterday's 5 rounds during P.E, carrying that fking heavy box for the screwed up BBQ, and walking for two hours straight today. Mommy dearest was most amusing today. She asked me to go Tiong to meet her for dinner since she had a hair appointment - which lasted 2 hours. I got my hair cut, and WALKED AROUND THE WHOLE SHOPPING CENTRE for two hours. I love shopping, but having got to walk around when you're already tired is pure torture. I believe I visited every single shop at least twice. The salespeople must think I'm crazy.

Following that, we went for dinner. I was simply looking at eyeliner, and she thought I wanted to buy eyeliner. I don't even use eyeliner! She ended up dragging me to Watsons and bought an $8.90 one for me. Huhhhh but I won't even use it. =.= But maybe I'll put craploads of it, smear black lipstick one, black eyeshadow and go scare a few people even without my hair. What a brilliant idea.

I'm so sick of people getting confused with me and Ningyi. We're worlds apart please! Even my #2/3/4 have called me "Ningyi" or called her "LiLin" before. It's devastating. ):

I don't have anything else to say. See, I updated. It's so meaningless and unnecessary and full of bullshit. I don't care though.

Li Lin

P.S: The price of the porcupine plushie in Popular has dropped! xD

P.P.S: I hate V-day. I have too many people to give presents to. I'll go BROKE just because of that damn day. Hrumph.

2008-01-23T23:32:00.000+08:00

This is my second post of the day, and I have a very good reason to do so:

PUBLIC DECLARATION OF LOVE #2; dedicated to:

BERYL TARE! *hearts*

Okay, that was enough humiliation. And thanks to ZhiXiang and my darling Tingg for their help. [:

PHYSICS.

2008-01-23T21:34:00.000+08:00

Before I start rambling about all the definitions and formulas, I'd like to point out that staying up too late to study is not my thing. I ended up with a splitting headache and a high fever this morning and didn't go to school. I became my mother's slave for the day. =.= Too lazy to elaborate, so I'll just carry on with ranting over my physics.

Heat capacity is the amount of thermal energy required to raise the temperature of a substance by 1degreecelcelcius. Specific heat capacity is the amount of thermal energy required to raise 1kg of a substance by 1degreecelcius. thermal energy gained or losed by the object=mass x specific heat capacity x change in temperature. Latent heat of vaporization is the thermal energy required to change the substance from liquid to gas or from gas to liquid without any change in the temperature. Specific latent heat of vaporization is the thermal energy required to change 1kg of the substance from liquid to gas or gas to liquid without change in the temperature. Latent heat of fusion is the thermal energy required to change the state of the substance from solid to liquid and from liquid to solid without any change in temperature. Specific latent heat of fusion is the thermal energy required to change the temperature of 1kg of the substance from solid to liquid and liquid to solid without change in the temperature. Specific heat of vaporization is greater than the specific heat of fusion as it takes more energy to change 1kg of water to steam as compared to changing 1kg of ice to water. The molecules have to seperate more when steam is formed. Sublimation. Sublimation is the change of state from solid to gas, and from gas to solid. It's a TWO-WAY change of state. Big deal. Vapour to solid.

Q=mc(change in temperature)

Q=C(change in temperature)

C=mc

C is heat capacity.

oh fuck this. i can't remember anything else.

geometric optics.

n2/n1 = sini/sinr = v1/v2 = lamda1/lamda2 = SNELL'S LAW.

snell sounds like a mean guy. i don't like him much. :/ holy shit. what is n2/n1 for. o.O!!!! Right. I get it now. I'm listening to Tokio Hotel's Don't Jump. How apt. The song title should be changed to Don't Bang Your Head On The Wall though - because that's what I desperately want to do now. Or pick up that metal ruler in my desk and stab it into my wrist a million and one times.

NONONOOOOOOO. I can't remember anything else! Shit this. UV RAYS. I must study UV rays. Uh. Artificial sun-tanning. For psychotic people living in sunlight-deprived countries who want to look all burnt and brown. And also to sterilize hospitals in germicidal (?) lamps. WTF is germicidal. DKDC.

Latent heat of fusion = mass x specific latent heat of fusion

Latent heat of vaporization = mass x specific latent heat of vaporization

Fuck this. i don't care anymore. wish me luck tomorrow. her royal highness will now... go and mug somemore. D: i'm too scared to want to fail.

GPA 3.0! I CAN DO THIS! (I hope?)

Blah,

Li Lin

2008-01-22T22:42:00.000+08:00

I honestly cannot believe I'm mugging my physics at 10:47pm when I was planning to sleep at 10pm today. To make things worse, some little part of my brain has managed to convince the rest of it that LISTENING TO SOOTHING PIANO MUSIC MIGHT HELP ME STUDY. The result? I'm getting seriously annoyed. Linkin' Park could have done better, but I'm too lazy to get up and turn off the radio. The following paragraphs will be totally random ramblings of what I have managed to memorize so far - which is actually not much to brag about since I've only covered one out of *counts* four topics. Don't say I didn't warn you when you read to the end and realize that it was all pure bullshit. :/ Wish me luck? I loathe physics; about as much as I hate smokers - and that's saying a lot. Fuck, if only I had Bunny's determination to get the hell out of this place. Exactly. I don't have that determination. ZZZ.

Long wavelengths to short wavelengths; low frequency to high frequency; Radio Waves-Microwaves-Infrared Radiation-Visible Light-Ultraviolet Rays-Xrays-Gamma Rays. Radio waves can go around obstacles while microwaves cannot. Infrared radiates out of any warm/hot object. Light is emitted from... sources of light. Ultraviolet rays are scary. No. They er... wtf shit this i can't remember a single shit i can't be bothered about my punctuation anymore so don't say a single fking thing about it. Ultraviolet rays are used in fake tanning in other countrie. X-rays are used for both medical purposes and for checking luggages. to check for fractures, and dental something. gamma rays. what the hell are those? oh yeah they treat cancer. kill the cancerous cells. i think. whatever. electromagnetic waves travel at the speed of light in vacuum. i.e: 3.0 x 10^8 ms-1. They follow the laws of refraction and reflection. uh. holy shit this sucks. what else! gawd. oh yeah. they do not require a material medium to do something.i don't remember anything else. great.

I can't stand all the bold words anymore. REFLECTION AND REFRACTION. *heartbreaks* shit man i'm falling asleep. Laws of reflection! The incident ray, reflected ray and the normal all lie on the same plane. The angle of incidence and the angle of reflection will be the same when light is reflected. light will slow down when it enters an optically denser medium. light refracts when it goes through to another medium. when the medium it enters is optically denser, it will bend towards the normal, when the medium it enters is optically less dense, it will bend AWAY from the normal. fuck i wna sleep. it's 10:59pm and i'm tired. frequency of light does not chnge when it passes from one medium to another, despite the wavelength and speed changing. the speed of light causes refraction. frequency is affected only by the source of... source of... i dno lah vibrations of something. LAWS OF REFRACTION! The incident ray, refracted ray and normal all lie on the same plane. the ratio of the sine of angle of incidence to the sine of angle of refraction is a constant. sini/sinr=constant (SNELL'S LAW). so after that uh. refractive index is the ratio of speed of light in vacuum to speed of light in material. refractive index is n. speed of light in material is always lesser than on top. SHIT WTF IS NANO. NANO. NANO?! 10^-9?! m? is it!? holy shit. v=flamda. yeah velocity=speed.wavelength. so uh sini/sinr=whatever lah...

omfg i'm going insane i'm very very sleepy. ishouldstopstudyingalr.look, alliteration. xy please pleaseplease you have to give me areply for that stupid nm thing.

>refractive index = >denser medium

yeah. that's it. no that's not it. ohfuck.in n, the one going out is on top?why the hell do they call total internal reflection a PHENOMENOM? It is not! it is a freak of nature. critical angle is defined as *yawns* the angle of incidence in the optically denser medium when the angle of refraction of the optically less dense medium is 90degrees. doesn't make sense. don't care.

i give up i'll turn off the laptop like a good girl and study my heart out till i cry and die and fall asleep on my table at 12midnight AGAIN.

2008-01-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

somebody rip my heart out & leave me here to bleed;

I was eating my dinner. My parents were sitting at the table. I stared at my father, then shifted my gaze to my mother. She was busy cutting up meat; he was eating fruits. The whole table was silent. Guess what I did? I started studying them, and trying to figure out what genes I got from them. I realized, that I've never looked at their faces this carefully before. As cliche as the following sentence sounds, I still have to say it. I never even realized how fast time passed and how much older they've grown. It scares the hell out of me to even think of the day when they both decide that they'd be better off and happier living in a place way too far for me to even think about visiting. Unless of course I decide to stand in the way of a speeding car with an underaged smartass who's drink-driving.

Here's what I gathered:

My character is disturbingly like my father. I hate it when people disturb me when I'm busy; I am horribly temperamental; I go so quiet at times that I don't even exist; I loathe people who cancel appointments at last minutes and people who're late; I abhor it all the more when I'm the one who's late; I like sleeping very very late; I rather walk away than create a messy fuss out of everything in an argument. I got his height (which I'm thankful for, actually); I got his er... nothing else.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, I seem to have gotten the neatness bug from my mother. I feel like screaming my lungs out when people don't replace things in their original positions; I get irked even when the silliest, most insignificant things occur - like a blue file appearing in the middle of my orange files, a storybook appearing amongst my textbooks or even stupider, a pen facing the opposite direction from the other pens in my pencilcase; I can say one thing but mean another all the time; I act tough (don't give me that incredulous look). I got her eyes! :D I got her nose but I got her thick thighs too. ):

I'm just wondering... Will I remember these attributes 10 years from now? Good, you just wasted your time away reading my blog. Now, be a good kid and run off to study. Playtime's over. Meanwhile, I'll continue my random ramblings.

I had this sudden urge to blog about 2 hours ago when I was at the library. I wanted to blog about my burst of productiveness yesterday where I spent 2 hours at the library doing my homework and STUDYING MY REDOX NOTES for the first time because I knew nuts about it in the first place. Why? Because I don't pay attention in lectures that's why. I wanted to blog about eating 8 tomatoes (raw) in 3 days; and having the things in my room shifted around for the 3rd time this week. I wanted to blog about numbers, for some warped reason - a reason which I don't have the slightest idea what it is. I wanted to blog about the 9 books I read in 3 days. And I wanted to blog about a series called SEVENS by Scott Wallens.

Well I changed my mind. I mean, I still mentioned them so I did blog about them anyway. I don't want to go anywhere near the fking dais tomorrow. I don't want to shout a fking command to the whole fking to school for them to fking get into a sediya position. Alright I'm just getting a case of the jitters. I refuse to prepare a speech. I'll make an impromptu one if I have to. Yees, speak slower so time becomes real tight and they can't squeeze me into the slot before everybody is dismissed. :D

That's all.

-Li Lin

P.S: Bottled Up by Jaye Murray is a very good book - about as good as This Lullaby (Sarah Dessen) and Invisible (Pete Hautman).

P.P.S: LLM you shit-faced, menopausing arsewipe. I rather fail my physics than have you as my permanent teacher. That's how much I hate you.

2008-01-13T17:19:00.000+08:00

i don't want to fall to pieces;

I've just spent a good 7 hours of my life stoning in front of the computer. Well, not exactly. I did go off for lunch for about an hour. I had a good time today surfing deviantart and searching desperately for a gothic blogskin that is actually better than my current one. Of course, my search failed, my futile attempts returned no results - which explains why my blogskin hasn't changed yet. I still do like this blogskin (I found the model on my blog. Y'know, the one up there? She's dead pretty right! She has a deviantart account. ;D And her photoshoots produce amazing photos.) but I still cannot change that gay blue font at the side back to white. Devastating, I know.

Back to the main point. I had a good time, omitting the fact that I still can't do my maths of course. I was hell bent on finishing my homework this morning when I woke up. Unfortunately, it seems like I can't seem to do it. As far as I can tell, yours truly is only able to finish one question amongst the 5 in the worksheet. What makes it worse is that the figures and numerals are disturbingly familiar. It's as though I've learnt it before in class. Alright, I probably did. I do understand what he taught, when I looked at the notes anyway. Now, however, I see no link between what we've learnt and what the damn worksheet is asking us to do.

Let's take a look at what Princess Li Lin has accomplished today:

Finished reading 'Regan, White, and the Seven Deadly Sins' [You've gotta love Tyler, he's such a gay. <3333!]
Found more than 15 cool pictures - 6 Disney Princesses who've gone goth, and a series of the Seven Deadly Sins photos by a very talented Deviantart artist.
Shortlisted a few potential blogskins. ;)
Completed the first question of my Maths worksheet. Hardy-har-har, what a jaw-dropping accomplishment.
Re-wrote the points for CID.
Broke my own record by eating an entire bar of Hershey's chocolate, 8 ferrero rochers, 2 nougats and a lollipop all in a short span of time of half an hour due to a sudden insane bout of an unfounded craving for candies. & right now, I'm chewing gum. Tell me you're proud of me. =.=

Now I'm listening to a string of songs that get me all depressed and moody. Perfect; Fall to Pieces; Just Like A Pill; Complicated; My Immortal; Boston; What Hurts The Most; Hate Me; I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing. Remember, I said songs that get ME depressed and moody so don't shit me about the songs not being the least bit sad. 9 songs that have been on repeat for hell knows how long. Well, 10 if you include Low, which I've recently been obsessed with. I deleted it from my playlist though, simply because it spoils the atmosphere.

I'm bored. Maybe I'll go back to stoning at my maths worksheet. TCL lied to us, he said the wobao website had the articles we needed to complete our chinese homework. Damn straight. All the articles were there. Invisible articles that I simply cannot locate.

Recently, I printed out a list of things to remind me to be more organized, and to make myself do my homework. I wasted my printer ink, because any blind person can see (pardon the pun) that it isn't fking working at all. Why? This year's my fourth year, where I have to get a fking GPA of 3.0. It was hard enough to scrape by with a 2.0. How the hell I got it, when I failed so badly for so many subjects, is still a wonder. I better slap some sense into myself. My mother's right. Why is it that my friends can understand the things that the teacher teaches, and I can't? We're in the same school, we're taking the same subjects, we may even have the same teacher. She said I was stupid. Well I'll show her how stupid I can get.& if you still treat me as a friend, don't talk to me about this current paragraph after reading it. I'm just going to use it as a reminder to myself.

You should really be doing your homework. What're you doing here, reading all this crap? Awwww, get lost before I get all bitchy and snappish. I'm going to go try and change my font color again before I go bonkers looking at that disgusting color.

I take my leave.

Her Royal Highness & all that jazz.

P.S: LOVE TYLER! ~~Happy Birthday, mom.~~

2008-01-07T21:24:00.000+08:00

I figured that I should post up a photo of my mother - in a moment of heated madness anyway. Guess which one my mother is. ZZZ. Well, the main point of posting up this photo is because I want to point out something important. LOOK AT HER SKIRT! Or dress. Or whatever it's called. It's so freaking short. And she chides me for wearing skirts like that out. On second thought, I think even my skirts are longer than that. D:

Is my mother pretty? :D Say yes! Haha my baobei said that she can "see you in your mother". The 'you' would be referring to yours truly of course. My aunt just came over, and showed me a couple of interesting pictures of my cousins. Unfortunately, my phone insists that it dislikes the second picture, so it couldn't be sent over. *wails* My cousins are shuai! [: And even if you don't think so, you better say they are. Presenting to you...

Jesmond, Esmond, Tesmond and Desmond's head. Don't mess with them, they're trained in WuShu and TaeKwanDo. Or Judo. Or Karate. Or either one of those cool martial arts. I can't remember what i wanted to blog about.

I'll go do my physics. Well, one of the assignments anyway. Good luck to my other physics assignments and chemistry assignment and practical.

LiLin

P.S: Jack, thanks for helping me crop the photos.

2008-01-01T16:58:00.000+08:00

Well I was there on the day

They sold the cause for the queen,

And when the lights all went out

We watched our lives on the screen.

I hate the ending myself,

But it started with an alright scene.

It was the roar of the crowd

That gave me heartache to sing.

It was a lie when they smiled

And said, "you won't feel a thing"

And as we ran from the cops

We laughed so hard it would sting

Yeah yeah, oh If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)

How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)

Now will it matter after I'm gone?

Because you never learned a god damned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say

About a life long wait for a hospital stay

Well if you think that I'm wrong,

This never meant nothing to ya.

I spent my high school career

Spit on and shoved to agree

So I can watch all my heroes

Sell a car on tv

Bring out the old guillotine

We'll show 'em what we all mean.

Yeah yeah, ohIf I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)

How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)

Now will it matter long after I'm gone?

Because you never learned a god damned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say

About a life long wait for a hospital stay

And if you think that I'm wrong,

This never meant nothing to ya

So go, go away, just go, run away.

But where did you run to?

And where did you hide?

Go find another way, price you pay

Woah, woah, woah

Woah, woah, woah.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say

About a life long wait for a hospital stay

And if you think that I'm wrong,

This never meant nothing to ya, come on.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say

About a life long wait for a hospital stay

Well if you think that I'm wrong,

This never meant nothing to ya.

At all, at all, at all , at all....

I meant to post these lyrics up when I was obsessed with it such that I listened to it from one place to another and back again, but I was too lazy. Now I'm posting it up. Haha. Tell me if you want the song. [:

2007-12-30T22:06:00.000+08:00

POP... Pretty unexpected results. I'm still upset that BingLe didn't get best cadet (SEE THAT, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE? YOU MADE SO MANY PEOPLE CRY FOR YOU.) but I'm not angry anymore.

I must congratulate those who got Best Trainees/Improvement/Knowledge. From Advance...

Alicia, Charlene, Musya[Damn I dno how to spell her name. ><>BAOBEI2!, Eve. Best Improvement: Myat Mo; Best Knowledge: Frances.

Basic! I think RV owned. Haha. YouSheng got BEST KNOWLEDGE, WeiLiang; ChiunYuan; Sharon; YingCui;Linda got Best Trainees for their respective platoons, LiHui got Overall Best Trainee for Basic! :D Whoots! Congratulations to the other cadets who got prizes. I'm sorry but I can't remember your names. ><

Oh and thank you to the people who congratulated me. [:

2007-12-29T22:05:00.000+08:00

I'M HORRIFIED. I'm the course IC again. ): & they said during the first platoon interaction that if you volunteered to be one of the platoon ICs during one of the course days, they wouldn't put you as the course IC.

I volunteered, and I ended up being the course IC & platoon IC. LIARS. No wonder I saw smoke coming from their arses. At least the first time I was course IC, Sir Fatty got give me warning. Au contraire for today, it was thrown on me like a bomb. The ICs of Juliet and Delta are Rv-ians too - XinMun and Charlene. Ninja's IC is Amirah. Nice girl! [:

Tomorrow's POP. THE END OF ADVANCE! *whoots* Apparently, there isn't going to be a best platoon. ): I'm hoping that the best cadets will be mostly from RV. I say 'mostly' because there're people from other schools who're pretty good too. Actually, as long as BingLe and Charlene get a trophy, I'm happy. They deserved it! I was aiming for the best cadet trophy back in Basic but I don't really give a shit this time. In fact, if BingLe doesn't get a trophy, I'll personally go and deck the officers. EH TRAINEE, SEE YOUR NAME THERE? BE HONORED. Triage chairman wor.

Basic's best cadets would consist majorly of RV-ians too I guess. WEILIANG. YOU BETTER GET BEST CADET FOR YOUR PLATOON. Because you're my trainee. [: Oh which means Jesslyn and XinMun better get best cadet too. xD And because TinggTingg's my darling, she must get best cadet as well. Yeah.

ZhiXiang you better come for POP tomorrow. *glares* My #3's going! YOU'RE NOT ALONE! Please lah... Go lah.... *5 minutes later* WTF DO YOU MEAN NOBODY'S GOING?! *curses* Gah. Whatever. I don't care!

~~I still can't believe I'm course IC. T.T~~

2007-12-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

-so don't apologize... i hope you choke and die!

Since someone's adamant that the cute Stitch picture doesn't suit me, and someone else says my blog is fascinating, I'll blog.

GET MUNK'D!

Yeah I'm obsessed with that song. Obsessed/addicted... Go think of another word to suit someone who listens to the same song from Jurong East to Tiong Bahru and from Tiong Bahru to Telok Blangah. Unfortunately, I still can't find the lyrics despite searching for 2 hours and getting PORN POP-UPs in return for some retardedly unknown reasons. You'd think that such a cool song would have the lyrics on the web in no time.

But not having those lyrics is alright, because there's still How We Roll, which is pretty damn good too. :D Get Munk'd is still more danceable though. I'd post the lyrics up, if I wasn't so lazy to go and find the lyrics again. I found them quite sometime ago, but in my haste to find Get Munk'd lyrics, I didn't save the lyrics for How We Roll.

Did I mention that I watched Alvin & The Chipmunks twice? Hoho. Once with my aunts and my cousins and once with Ningyi and the guys for our ~~screwed~~ TEAM OUTING. The guys would be BingLe and Co. Uh, y'know, the adorable guys' team. =.= bingle.adam - who wasn't around.weiliang.chiunyuan.yousheng. LMAO.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE GONE OUT WITH GUYS AND ENDED UP PAYING FOR THEM. Yes, so I'm abit late in blogging about this, seeing as Ningyi alr talked about it yesterday. Went to the arcade too... and blew my money on DRUMS and some random shooting game. Ningyi died damn fast. *cackles* Although she saved my sorry butt a couple of times before she died. Then the guys were playing Daytona? I forgot who won. Then we went to 'shoot some hoops'. I GOT MORE BALLS IN THAN NINGYI. Alright, maybe because I kept throwing the balls such that she didn't get much of a chance to shoot. [:

After the movie, I went off to meet my mother at Vivo to buy my school shoes, and Ningyi went home. I was trying to persuade her to come along with me but she refused. See? She ended up bored. Then Yees and Ningyi called me to talk about... stuff for 45 minutes. My handphone was boiling. SPEAKING ABOUT MY HANDPHONE...

I went out with ZhiXiang, Ningyi and Xiangyun on Monday. It resulted in the screen being all scratched up. Why? Because I was on the escalator, looking around for my friends, taking out my phone to give one of them a call, dropped the phone on the escalator, tried to pick it up, ended up stepping on it, and dragging it across the floor. Yes, I SARK. ): But nevermind, now my phone has a very cool edge to it. Dots.

Hmmms, my baobeis gave me and Ningyi a donut each. xD So sweet right? I'll eat it tomorrow morning, with the chocolate cream smeared across the box. I was dumb enough to throw the box into my bag. Ladeeda. CCA tomorrow. =.=

ST JOHN IS MY CCA! & FIRST AID IS MY HHS!

Go figure.

I'm going to sleep now. Bye.

P.S: OH OH GUESS WHAT! TANZHIXIANG FINALLY GOT HIS FIRRRRRRST HANDPHONE! Wakaka. And it's dead pretty.

2007-12-25T09:56:00.000+08:00

Tell me that's such an adorable picture. Poor Stitch. ):

Anyway, It's 10 hours and 6 minutes into Christmas and I'm sitting right here blogging. I should be out there with my aunts and my cousins... well, later anyway. Maybe I'll take a look and see what's on kids central right now. [:

Or maybe not. I'm too lazy to get up. Let's just go straight to why I'm blogging in the first place.

have yourselves a happy christmas and a merry new year! ;)

2007-12-23T12:51:00.000+08:00

I'm going all bimbotic right now. I just spent half an hour at deviantart searching under "cotton candy", "pink" and "sweet" just to find a picture to match my mood. Nothing was quite as fluffy though, so I settled for this very cool drop of water. Hoho. I decided that I better leave before I go overboard. Right now, I even feel like changing my blogskin to something reeeeeeeeally pink. But I know I'm going to regret it 5 minutes later, so I'll just save myself the trouble... and make my desktop pink.

Anyway, I finished my 报告! Congratulate me. [: But the real reason why I'm in such a pinky, fluffy, mushy, gooey mood is because I just read 23 fluffy James x Lily stories, and proceeding to read more. I'm trying to find more Sirius x OC & Remus x OC stories though. *giggles* Fluff makes me go insane. Heck, I don't even feel like LILIN at all. Or 寒. Or KITTY for that matter. I feel all mushed up and melted. I think I may have melted and froze and re-melted and re-froze for 23 times already. GAH! It doesn't help either, that my curtains are pink and drawn, so my room's kinda bathed in a pink light right now.

SWEETNESS OVERLOAD!

So now I'll end this gushy post and return to cooing over my darling Sirius/James/Remus. Yes, they're m.i.n.e. BACK OFF! ~~My heart's melting all over again; ahhhhhhh!~~

Her Royal Highness, Princess Li Lin, will not take responsibility for anyone who suffers from diabetes or decayed teeth after reading this post.

2007-12-22T22:35:00.000+08:00

I have totally no idea what language this song is in, or who the singer is. All I know is that I thought it sucked at the beginning, but when the song progressed, all the emotions came rushing out, and suddenly I'm addicted to a new song. The lyrics are beautiful; the translated lyrics anyway. I can't even read the original ones. Actually, the english ain't all that good, but when you get the gist of it, everything just hits you WHAM.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQGm9ARa-FE&feature=related

Play this video in another window and minimize it, then just stare at the picture up there. It just feels so right. And I feel like crying listening to it. Alright, everyone who knows me knows I'm just a little bit out of my mind but I mean it.

I used to live only for you, for you

Welcome sunrise and hear how you wake up not with me

It's easier to breath in the open window

And tell her only one thing:

Do you know? Along night roads

I walked barefoot without feeling sorry for my feet

His heart is now in your hands.

Don't lose him and don't break him

To bring love ash in your arms, hitting feet in blood

His pulse is now in your eyes

Don't lose him and don't break him.

And let grey rain beat against his window in January,

Let him hug not me but still remember me,

And let him say my name aloud suddenly,

And let him be silent that he still remembers me.

But damned rain is burning the street lamps outdoors,

I'm so sorry for shivering, my tender boy

And though I have whispered "goodbye" silently while crying,

Don't forget, don't forget....

And let him be silent that he still remembers me.

But damned rain is burning the street lamps outdoors,

I'm so sorry for shivering, my tender boy

And though I have whispered "goodbye" silently while crying,

Don't forget, don't forget....

2007-12-22T12:35:00.000+08:00

I deleted the previous post; figured that there had to be some other way to increase my current 195 posts besides doing stupid quizzes. Random fact: Quite obsessed with MCR's Disenchanted at this point in time.

I'm in a damn bad mood right now. 6 minutes ago, however, I was cooing over some fictional guy from a book. Guess why? Let's start from the top.

So yesterday I went wandering around Tiong alone again to buy my school stuff and buy yoghurt (one of my many loves). Instead of going home after that, I took a detour to Bukit Merah Library, and got cheated of my money at some bubble tea stall. It served horribly damn diluted milk tea. Yeah well I spent close to an hour there finding books. Then I discovered this book with a highly interesting blurb. Anyway, it's a series called CHERUB by Robert Muchamore.

Love the story, hate the author's name.

It's really dead good. It's about children spies... Alright that sounds weird. Children are used as undercover agents for M15, and their training sounds terribly tough. On the other hand, the missions seem pretty cool and the whole layout is dang organized. It's like you're totally clear of what's going on, and there's no confusion and ohmyhell what am I babbling about. The series is even better than Spy Girls! Or Spy High, or Special Agents. Heck, I think it's one of the best spy series I've read. The only problem is, when there's no action, everything is in narrative. Gets boring after awhile. Thank Hell those parts are kept to a minimum.

Did I mention that the protagonist sounds hot? :D I think he's even cuter than Edward Red. Edward's the joker from Spy High anyway. Yeah, that's a total plus. Unfortunately, the author went and made the other pretty boy gay. GAY. But that's alright, I like it. It was a sad bombshell though, I had to stare at the same sentences "James, I'm gay." "No bloody way." for almost 2 minutes before I managed to absorb the information. Hell yeah, no bloody way. Haha but too bad. So I spent 2 hours yesterday reading the first book, and 2 hours this morning reading the second book, and was about to spend another 2 hours proceeding on to the third book when something horrible crashed into my life.

No, my dog didn't choke on a chicken bone. I realized that the third book I borrowed ISN'T the third book at all. It's the... *counts* Oh what the hell, it's the SIXTH BOOK. Fuck I can't believe I was so fucking stupid. How the hell do I go from a 13-year-old hottie to a hundred year old spy? I exaggerate. James (the heroooooooooooo of the story) seems to be quite popular with girls. Scratch that, he gets a new girlfriend on every mission and as far as I've read, he's got 4 ex-es in 2 missions. And c'mon, he's only 13? I don't know how I'm going to continue reading the third book. T.T

I'm freaking devastated now so stop laughing or I'll spam you with URLs of videos of the Japanese version of powerpuffgirls. I know you're laughing. GAH! How could I have made such a stupid mistake. *bangs head on wall* And the worst thing is, Kerry just got together with James and she kicks ass! Literally! There're 3 more books between the second one and the last one I borrowed. Well, it's not like I can't read it. But it's plain weird. I've never felt more like a retard.

Especially after I sacrificed my 报告 and my 私函 to read the books. There's another thing. I've never managed to understand why I can fantasize over fictional guys and squeal like a pig getting its tail chopped off but yet... *stares at MSN pm*

Eh don't get me wrong. I still stand by my PM. I'm not implying anything. That doesn't mean I like girls either. I'm asexual and an amoeba. [: I love Office Politics. Is there going to be an Office Politics 2? Hurhur I'm going to cry my eyes out soon. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Oh I heard from Ningyi that our guys team bought us chocolates and notebooks. Everybody say awww. Haha. I wonder if the chocolate'll still be around when I see Ningyi next Thursday. BAOBEIS! Even the guys team buy christmas present for us alr leh! Why y'all haven't buy anything for us yet? I love Turtsy for buying me that top, really! Pity I can't wear it. Damn the stupid cross with skulls and crossbones on it. ): The chains are like so cool can! Thanks to Bunny for the vest too. The vest that hasn't yet crossed my vision actually. Love your hair extensions, but they freak me out. Thanks for the black pig DJ. Haha, but I gave it to my baby cousin. x)

/edit/ on 23rd December

I just realized I didn't thank my baobei1 for the pretty kitty keychain. Love the jewels. Hohoho. ((:

/end edit/

Before this turns into an impromptu thank-you session, oh wait it already is one, here's the website for the book.

http://www.cherubcampus.com/

Things to do:

Check out the website
报告
私函
Study for the Physics test in JANUA-FUCKING-RY
Clear out all my unwanted papers

Yes, I can do this! Bye people.

Her Royal Highness, Princess LiLin signing off.

Hmm, why does that prefix look so short?...

2007-12-12T11:14:00.000+08:00

This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen is probably my favourite book of all time, but I just finished re-reading and crying over My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Piccoult. It's the third time I'm reading it again, and I know what exactly happens, and what the ending is like. That little fact doesn't stop my tears from coming though. For the benefit of the people who have never read that amazing book (which has been around for ages) before, I refuse to spoil the beautiful plot. Go read it!

Juliet platoon meeting yesterday till 7.30pm. At least, that was the time I left Jurong East. The song we're dancing to is so unlike the ones my squad usually uses for our performances. LOL. I ended up tossing in half the moves from our ROD dance. Well, at the very most, the ones that I cheorographed, because I don't want to be sued for copyright.

I went to meet my mother for dinner at Tiong Bahru. ILT was having a sale! :D The skirt I had been eyeing since June was dead cheap compared to its original price, which was $34.55. The price during the sale? $10.95. C'mon man, I'd be an idiot not to buy it. Mom saw this dress which looked alright. I only like the pleats at the bottom though. She bought it for me to wear during Chinese New Year like what the fuck? But it was a good deal. Original price: $67.55; price we paid: $19.95. Go figure. Now I've got three dresses, all of which I've worn only once. I don't like dresses much. :/ She's insisting that I buy pumps. Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe pumps? Oh, and how about heels? They are the most ingenuitive torture methods man has ever invented. One word: OUCH. Gawd, can you imagine your heels getting skinned mercilessly? Or blisters on your sole from walking around in killer stilettos. I want s.n.e.a.k.e.r.s, which my mother mistook for SPORT SHOES. Dang. *mumbles* Right, enough with being a bimbo.

I'm probably repeating this for the hundredth time, but after lunch, I'll do my zuowen. Just one of it. I can do it!... *silence* Alright, maybe I can't, but no harm trying right? Anyway, I was listening to some songs on Youtube, when I realized that there are some songs which are really THAT beautiful and lyrics which can break your heart. The following songs I've listed, are the ones which I think are the sweetest songs ever written.

1.Because You Loved Me Celine Dion
2.When I Need You Luther Vandross
3.My Heart Will Go On Celine Dion
4.I'll Make Love To You Boyz II Men
5.Can't Help Falling In Love Elvis Presley
6.Total Eclipse of The Heart Bonnie Tyler
7.All Out of Love Air Supply
8.Dying Inside To Hold You Timmy Thomas
9.Thank You Dido
10.Unbreakable Westlife [old men. *cackles*]
11.I Don't Want To Miss A Thing Aerosmith
12.Blind Lifehouse
13.When You're Gone Avril Lavinge
14.Better Than Me Hinder
15.My Immortal Evanescence
16.Everytime Simple Plan
17.Say It Isn't So Gareth Gates
18.Truly, Madly, Deeply Savage Garden

Right now, I'm grieving over the fact that I can't find half the songs in there in my media library. I do have them, in my already broken down computer. Alright, just a few actually. 1, 2, 5, 6, 7 - All the older songs. :/ But I'll find them somehow.

Back to youtube~

2007-12-10T18:10:00.001+08:00

I finally managed to write Val's birthday letter, and her birthday's already over. I was desperately trying to fold a stupid paper bag with printing paper. The original product actually looked decent, before I realized it was too big and to save paper, I re-used it and re-folded it again. The product was shit. Then the sticker I used to hold it down doesn't hold it down at all. =.= Val won't mind, I think? But I still think it looks like crap.

Walked around in Tiong for close to an hour earlier on. I was trying to find a plain black spiral-bound notebook. Like alastair said, it sounds so easy to find. I thought so too, & I thought wrong. GAH! And I saw a wrist cuff which looks exactly like my choker, and it costs 5 times LESSER than it too. Kao.

Cleared out some of my old files and discarded some useless pieces of paper. I rearranged my files according to the rainbow again. They look pretty now. (: I have three more files to clear. No, actually I have more than that but I can't really be bothered. It's all this year's work, and I can re-use the files. Saves some cost.

Just finished writing out my baobeis' training programme for 19th December. Hopefully they can achieve the aims I've put down. I believe they can do it! :D 任我遨游 is showing now. After the show, I'll eat my dinner and bathe. Then I'll force myself to write at least one zuowen. :/

And after that, I shall watch ZJYJ.

Xiayu's in china! Miss her like crap. ): And guess what? She freaking bought all 55 episodes for S$3. What the fuck. I can't believe it. T.T And she said she bought a present for me. *cackles* Suddenly I can't wait till school reopens. Safe for the fact that I still haven't handed in any homework. Camp is in 4 days. I hate camps.

Booooo, nothing else to crap anymore. I shall return to watching television. Byebye.

2007-12-07T14:53:00.000+08:00

Some kind of warped holiday this is. If I'm not in school training my BAOBEIS alongside my DARLINGS, I'm at Jurongville having Advance NCO Course. Did I mention that I'm counting down the HOURS to the official end of the entire damn course? There're 561 hours left by the way. Otherwise, I'm doing powerpoints or doing proposals. Or the only good thing out of it all, playing Fiesta.

Fiesta is some fantasy RPG by the way. To describe this, I think I'll use maple as a base. Yeah I suppose it's a little like maple (which I honestly do not like much). You get to choose a class from amongst Fighter, Cleric, Archer (ME! :D), and Mage. Fighters and Clerics are human, and Archers and Mages are elves. The female avatars are dead pretty. The guys.... are sub-standard, and that's putting things in a nice way. While maple is a more interactive game, I think Fiesta doesn't really allow you to talk to other players. You'll be wayyy too busy clicking on fugly monsters or on different spots on the ground to travel. Fiesta is 3D, I think it's funner than maple. [: It's a bonus that the monsters really do look like monsters and I won't feel heartache when I shoot arrows at them vehemently. I mean, at least their mushrooms look disgustingly gross, unlike the cute red and yellow things they call 'monsters' in maple. The latter is currently taking Singapore by storm anyway, seeing as it's being stocked in every More Than Words and MiniToons store I see. I'm too lazy to find you the URL now, but if you're interested in joining the game, just send me a nudge on MSN or something. Well, despite the fact that I disabled nudges. Oh and before I forget, let's thank ZHAOQINYU for introducing this game to me. LOL. By the way, I'm a Level 11 Archer. And level 11 is so freaking pathetic can? But it ain't my fault, I keep getting distracted by:

a) my stupid powerpoint

b) my mother who never seems to cease drifting in and out of my room

c) fictionpress.com

Bunny says she bought me a vest from Korea. :DDDD I can only see it a long long time later though. That's alright though, I can wait! Lalala, I can strike something off my wishlist at last.

I hate SJAB.

There, I put it up there nice and big. If you can't see it, you're BLIND. Let's not ask why shall we? I'm recently listening to a lot of S.H.E songs. And I'm addicted to 爱呢... Such an old song, I know, but I can't help it. I tend to fall in love with old songs. Haha.

Okay, back to playing Fiesta. 11 zuowens? What 11 zuowens? You didn't see anything.

~~I updated. Happy?~~

Yours sincerely,

Her Royal Iciness Princess Li Lin

P.S: My tagboard's drowning. It can't swim.

P.P.S: 560hours 45minutes

2007-11-26T23:15:00.001+08:00

1. Do the following without complaint.
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you complete yours.
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard saying he/she has been tagged.
4. Start your post with: I have been tagged!
5. XinMun sucks.

Favourites

Colour/s: black, red, white, purple
Food: Pringles&Chocolates
Movie: I Not Stupid Too :D
Sport: NONE. Hate 'em.
Day: My birthday :D
Season: Spring ((:
Ice-cream: VANILLA!

Current

Mood: borrred.
Clothes: You don't need to know.
Desktop: Huh?
Time: 11:21pm
Surrounding: my bed. tempting bed.
Annoyance: stupid tudou load so long.

Firsts

Best Friend: 1st best friend. VALERIEEEE <333 still my best friend.
Movie: I Not Stupid.
Crush: I.... don't remember. It was back in Primary 1.
Lie: Uh... don't know?
Music: Ehs... I DON'T KNOW.

Lasts

Drink: WATER.
Car Ride: Forgot...
Crush: II LURRBBE MIESELFXZXZ.
CD Played: Think is the Jolin CD. The pink CD.

Have You Ever

Dated one of your best friends: My best friends... have always been girls.
Broken the law: Duh.
Been arrested: No.
Been on TV: Yeah. As background. (:
Kissed someone you don't know: The dummy. CPR dummy.

Randoms

5 things you are good at: creeping people out; reading; talking on the phone for ages (like now); bullying fish (like ZHAO); being lame.

4 things you have done today: trained my juniors; bought contacts solution; ate dinner; ate lunch; ate breakfast.

3 things you hear right now: phone; aircon; the sound of myself typing (i type reaaaal hard)

5 people to tag: ZHAOQINYU, Cheryl, Jack, Alastair (bleahx.), Bunny who'll probably not do this.

2007-11-20T21:11:00.000+08:00

Today was ROD. I think our dance was kinda screwed. I kept missing out steps during the dance, and I banged into the wall when I spinned. Spun. Span? And so I missed out the next two steps that I've been reminding people not to forget during the rehearsal.

Some stuff seriously pissed me off, but since it's all over, there's no point mentioning them. Anyway, the Year 1s were so sweet. Okay, so maybe it was our fault because we didn't explain to them properly what 'prepare a food item' meant. I think they misunderstood it, and prepared sushi, cheese sausage, and coke for us. And the food that was catered gave me a tummyache. ):

I believe Stella became famous overnight. There were so many people running around, demanding for her to appear and stop hiding at the top of their lungs. Thanks to my brilliant idea. She was the item they had to find to win the game. I guess I didn't realize that I'd have to run along with them. I'm hoping I shed some weight. lmao. And I heard about the interesting incident of how XinMun found her in the LT and almost gave her a heart attack, and got her own back scratched by the chair in return. My poor trainee. Hahaha.

FREAKY FRIDAY IS A NICE SHOW. I suspect I cried too much at the ending then I ended up not being able to cry when the Sec 4s were saying all the emo-ish stuff. Haha, and Chad Whatshisname Murray's hair s.u.c.k.e.d in the show. =.= No wonder he looked so familiar.

I wasted my ink printing Ningyi's and my emcee scripts lor. In the end we practically impromptu-ed through the whole thing and all the funny (read: seriously seriously seriously lame) stuff were skipped. And we were pretty useless emcees lah hor. Hahaha.

Our Year 1s danced a... very innovative dance. I'm amazed that they could even dance to such a slow song. LOLs. But they had very interesting props. Heard through the grapevines that they were going to do a chairdance and I was so looking forward to their performance. Aiyah, they did a pretty good job anyway, considering that it was their first dance. And the guys look so adorably amusing dancing together. WeiLiang and JunYuan. 1,2,3, say awwww... And I've come up with a new pairing. :D In Xiangyun's words: "Wah lau your pairings are getting more and more ridiculous can!" But they really look so good together. *goofy smile*

THE YEAR 2S!!! OMG. I totally regret not video-ing down their dance. It was super cute. Super x 1000000000000 cute! They looked damn funny. Funny in a good way anyway. I can't believe my two trainee-leaders can dance so well. And XinMun was vibrating away as usual. And all the kinda cool hand movements kept reminding me of a teddy bear frantically struggling to escape or something. :/ The way she did them anyway. Yes, I know you're reading this. I can't even describe properly how cute they looked. *counts* I used the word 'cute' like, thrice already? And I have to say this, for some reason, Bingle and JiaDe looked damn gay. Serious. D: But 'twas an amazing dance. So proud of them. <333>

You can fast forward. Anyway, the groupings were:

* Yeeshuang, ShiHui, Stellalalala

* Tingg! Fengg! Xiangyun, ZhiXiang

* HuiEn, Anna, Lynette

* Guess who? Lols. One of them is Ningyi. That retarded mooga. ("You stink like a mooga!" "I... What's a mooga?" "I don't know. But you stink like one.") And she'll call me a bitch for that. Yeahyeahyeah.

Yah lor. That's all lor. And omg. It's taking so fking long to loaaaaaaaad. It's raining! It rained during last year's ROD too. (:

Our trainers didn't get us any presents! D: No lah, haha, they bought us a cool cake that looked like the... wanton noodles. The egg was made of CHOCOLATE, and the charsiew and carrot and vegetables were some sweet sweet stuff. I love the cake! Until Shike decided to smear cake on my face. ): Ehhs if I get pimples there... *cracks knuckles* But my tinggtingg took revenge for me. Lalala~

This thing is kidding me. T.T 12M of 81M? Oh Satan.

Okay, so I finished drawing my proposal stuff and it's still 31M of 81M?

Ooooh! I saw lightning! :D

36M of 81M...?!

Hello, I, like, started this post at, like, y'know, like, damn early?

Okay, another forwarded email with a sweet story (what you see before you is credits to my ability to edit weird english):

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, with many guys chasing after her; while he was so normal and nobody paid attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised but just to be polite, she agreed. They sat in a nice coffee shop but he was too nervous to say anything. She felt uncomfortable, and she thought to herself, "Please, let me go home..."

Suddenly he asked the waiter, "Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee." Everybody stared at him, why was he so strange! His face turned red but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously, "Why do you have this hobby?"

He replied, "When I was a little boy, I lived near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there." While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home... Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.

They had a really nice talk, and that was also the beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm and careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! It was thanks to his salty coffee, that they were able to make it so far. Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess got married to the prince, and then they were living the happy life...

And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, he left her a letter which said, "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life's lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything... Now I'm dying, I am afraid of nothing so I will tell you the truth, I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange and horrible taste... But I have been having the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I have never regretted anything I have done for you. Having you with me is the happiest thing that happened in my whole life. If I can live life for the second time, I'd still want to know you and have you with me for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again."

Her tears made the letter totally wet.

Someday, someone asked her, "What's the taste of salty coffee?"

She replied, "It's sweet."

Kinda weird huh? But ain't it so sweet?

62M. It's been almost an hour? more than an hour?

QUIZ!

The person who tagged you with this quiz?

XINMUN!

Your relationship with him/her is?

Friends/Senior-Junior/Trainer-Trainee

5 impressions of him/her?

1. Crazy

2. Insane

3. Mad

4. Abnormal

5. She has this weird fetish with trying to freak me out. [:

most memorable words he/she had said to you?

I love you and I know you love me too. *i read, i shock, i tear a packet of biscuits in half. i'm so sorry my dear jesslyn (no, not bunny)*

If he/she becomes your lover, you will?

Stab myself.

If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?

Hate her lah. Duh?

If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be?

BECAUSE WE WERE FIGHTING OVER CAL-CAL!

The most desirable thing you want to do for her/him now is?

Y'know, that sounds like, so wrong. Haha! Nothing?

How you think people around you will feel about you?

They love me.

The character you love of yourself are?

I love everything about me.

On the contrary, the character you hate of yourself are?

Like I said, I love everything about me.

The most ideal person you want to be is?

Me?

Pass this quiz to 10 people.

1. BUNNY! (when she's back?)

2. Qinyu!

3. Ehhs... *blank* Suyu?

4. FENGGFENGG!

5. Jack?

6. Alastair *cackles*

7. ayye. I cannot think le lah. Wait I go look at my MSN list. Ah, Cheryl!

8. Ehhhs. Beck? (since your blog is so damn deaaaaaaaaaaad)

9. BERYL! :D

10. Hmmms... Aiyah! *garbles* LEENINGYI. Hey, d'you even read my blog? Whatever.

Who is 6 having a relationship with?

Alastair: I don't know... Barney, maybe?

Is 9 a female or a male?

Beryl: That's a good question. ;) Beryl raped me before! D:

If 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?

Cheryl & Ningyi: Oh please, theydon'tevenknoweachother.

What is 2 studying?

Qinyu: The art of killing cats.

When was the last time you had a chat with 3?

Suyu: Today? ROD?

What kind of music does 8 like?

Beck: As far as I know, metal? Ehs, is it called metal? Rock? Fine, I don't know.

Does 2 have any siblings?

Qinyu: Yeah, a younger sis.

Will you woo 3?

Suyu: Hell no. HAHAHA.

How about 7?

Cheryl: Hell no too. I'm not les lah!

Is 4 single?

Fengg: Heh. I... don't know~

What's the surname of 5?

Jack: Lee.

What's the hobby of 4?

Fengg: Hmmm.... being emo. (:

5 and 9 get along well?

Jack & Beryl: *cough* They always end up together in these kinda quizzes. Donno.

Where is 2 studying at?

Qinyu: Same as me?

Say something casual about 1.

Bunny!: She loves me!

Have you tried developing feelings for 8?

Beck: LOL. Never!

[I have a good question. Why does one have to TRY and develope feelings?]

Where does 9 live?

Beryl: Near Harbourfront! GO STALK HER.

What colour does 4 like?

Fengg: So many 4s. I don't know leh.

Are 5 and 1 best friends?

Jack & Bunny: Do they even know each other?

Does 7 like 2?

Cheryl & Qinyu: Oh please. THEY DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER.

How did you get to know 2?

Qinyu: Because... we went to Geylang together...

*audience faints* Alright, fine. We met in 3LOUDSPEAKERS! <333

Wah lau this is a bloody long post alr can. Is the stupid thing doooooooone?

2007-11-17T20:46:00.000+08:00

How so many people got dragged into this, I don't know. But if that's the way you want it to be, then that's the way it shall be.

I used to think that we were the most bonded team ever. I used to think that nothing could break us apart. I was wrong. And what makes me all the more disappointed, is the reason that tore us apart. And you know what that was?

MISUNDERSTANDING.

I don't care if you think that's bullshit. But that's what it really is. It's not jealousy. It never was. Think about it, maybe you'll understand what I'm trying to say. Because it's so hard for me to explain, when nothing I say seems to make sense anymore.

If none of you think there's any point holding the team together, then so be it. Give me all those keychains. I'll cut them up and toss them into the bin, and that shall be the end of our team, and our friendship.

Without one, there won't be four. Without one of us, there won't even be an us.

Any single fucking one of us.

~~You're welcome for dashing all my hopes. I never thought that this would happen. Much less for the stupidest reason ever.~~

It's not too late to apologize, it's whether you want to or not.

It's not too late to sit down and literally trash everything out, without shouting and screaming and name-callings. It's whether you are willing to do it or not.

It's not too late for anything. But is anybody even giving a fuck anymore?

---

If you don't know both sides of the story, or rather, UNLESS you know both sides of the story, don't start pointing fingers. I'm not taking sides, and I never will. But I'm still going to make it clear that, I rather hear both stories, at the same time, in the presence of each other. Maybe then we'll see if anyone's lying. Thank you.

Oh, and by the way. I still love all of you. Yes, all three of you.

INVASION OF THE TAGBOARD

2007-11-09T22:55:00.000+08:00

AND SO...

My blog has been invaded, and I shall now raise a white linen handkerchief in defeat and utter despair. If you haven't yet noticed, I now have a tagboard, which is under a heading called "SPAMM". Aptly named heading indeed. Dear XinMun, please do not forget that I am your trainer and I see you many times a week, not to mention that we both happen to be in Advanced NCO course. You are so dead.

I WAS KIDDING ABOUT ADDING A TAGBOARD DAMMIT. T.T You made me break my vow. Still, since it makes people happy, I'll leave it there. For the time being. And when I stop feeling lazy, I'll change the heading. "SPAMM" is so not me.

I went to RuoLan aka LeiKeSi aka Xiayu aka XiaoLanLan's house with Qinyu aka XiaTian aka DaDong and ShuHui aka GuLaoShi aka XiaMei aka FISH to... watch ZhongJiYiBan after school. I miss it so much! D: I'm going to rewatch it for the 3rd time soon, after I finish watching Romantic Princess. I also went to KBox with the first two aforementioned names yesterday for the first time in my entire 15 years. (Which is technically wrong, since my 15th year hasn't exactly ended yet.) I had a very high time. But I don't think I'm ever going back there. $19 for 2 bowls of peanuts that I can buy at $2, 2 glasses of Sprite, and hours of going mad? Hmmms...

Bunny just gave me an indirect reminder that I have a CMAP due by 2359 tonight. A cmap which had totally slipped my mind and eloped with my sensible left brain. I shall be a good girl and do it now, since I didn't do my gonghan.

I really don't want to go ANCO tomorrow. ): Thank Hell tinggtingg's going too.

Bye,
Her Royal Highness Princess Li Lin

P.S: I cut my 3mm nails! ): But I have to admit that it's a million times easier to type now.

P.P.S: I'm still adamant on using the Princess prefix to my name. :D

2007-11-04T22:03:00.000+08:00

I'm blogging for the third time today. Tians, I'm really that bored. And it's not even been half an hour since I posted the previous post.

RANDOM QUIZZZZES!

Quiz #1.

1. Do you ever lie about your age?
Who doesn't?

2 . Do you prefer "sensitive boys"or "tough guys"?
Sensitive?

3. Do you prefer blonde or dark hairedguys?
Dark haired. Unless he's a westerner then...

4 . Are you currently single?
No. xD

5 . How many things in your past do you regret?
Many things.

6 . Do you have a best friend?
Yeahh.

7. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I don't know. But I want a career that lets me earn a hell lot of money.

8. Who was the last person you hugged?
Tingg! <333

9. Have you ever had your heart broken?
I have a heart?

10. Have you ever thought about having plastic surgery?
Haha, yups.

11. Do you like your life?
No, not really.

12. Do you shop at Hollister?
Where's that?

13 . Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?
How can they steal my boyfriend if I don't even have one? Oh wait. Yes. Phang Xin Mun stop trying to steal Calvin away from me. Grrrrr!

14 . Has one of your friends ever stabbed you in the back?
Yeah.

16. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
Girls.

17. How long have you had friendster?
Damn, now you know I got this from friendster. D: I don't remember.

18. Have you ever cheated someone?
Cheated someone of what? Money/Feelings?

19. Has anyone ever cheated you?
Yeah.

20. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
Don't know. Memory sucks.

22. Have you ever skipped class?
Yeah.

23. Has anyone close to you ever passed away?
Don't remind me.

24. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Many times.

25. Have you ever been unable to get someone out of your head?
Yes, of course.

26. Do you believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
Hell no.

27. Have you ever had a good feeling about something and it turned out you were right?
YEAH!

28. Do you ever wish you were famous?
Sometimes.

29. Do u ever wish u were a man?
No. Two words: National Service.

Quiz #2.

1. A random guy/girl comes up to you and says 'hey babe?' you say?
*turns around and walks away*

2. What was the last thing youput in your mouth?
Honeydew.

3 . What does your last text message say?
My phone ain't on and I'm not about to turn it on.

4. The last song you listened to?
Elliot Yamin - Wait For You

5. What's irritating you this very moment?
The fact that someone just stole the toilet from me.
& the fact that I have school till 4.30pm tomorrow. Screw RV.

6. Where is the rest of your family right now?
Dad's talking to the visitors (one of which stole my toilet). Mom's watching TV. I think my dog's watching TV too. :D

7. What did you do yesterday?
Erm. Went out with Xiangyun/Tingg/Suyu.

8. Pick a scar on your body, how'd you get it?
The one on my middle finger. Knife hates me.

. What do you want to do when you get out of high school/college?
Go on to University.

14 . Who's your most religious friend?
No idea.

16. If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
冰心

17. Do you tan easily?
Not really.

18. What do you hate most about your school?
Everything but my friends.

19 . On your bed, what's your favorite thing?
My blanket.

20. Last time you took a plane where was it to?
I've... never taken a plane.

23. What's the first thing you would do with five million bucks?
Buy everything I've been dying to buy.

24 . Next thing you'll spend money on?
Put everything else in the bank. Haha.

25. What's one toy you remember having in the 90's?
I honestly can't remember.

26. If you had a son what would you name him?
I don't want a son. I want twin daughters.

27 . Which of your friends do you argue with most?
No idea.

28. What's your dream job?
One that earns me big bucks.

37 . If you could have any car what would it be?
I want a motorcycle.

38 . What's your favorite breakfast?
Half-boiled eggs.

39 . How do you like your eggs?
SCRAMBLEDDDDDDDD!

40 . If you could get any piercing what would it be?
Piercings? What? No link. If you ask where, navel.

4 1. How about a tattoo?
What: Rose with thorns.
Where:Lower back.
But let's wait till my parents decide not to disown me if I get a tattoo.

43. What's a movie you want to see in the theatres?
Enchanted.

45. What's the last four numbers of your phone number?
5349

46. How many hours did you sleep forl ast night?
I slep this morning at around 1.05 am.

48. What TV show do you wish you could live in?
Uh. I don't know.

49. What video game do you play most often?
Don't play video games.

50. What are you wearing right now?
You don't need to know.

Quiz #3.

7 YEARS AGO.

1) How old were you?
Eight?

2) How did you go to school?
School bus?

3) Where did you work?
If I can start work at 8...

4) Where did you live?
The place I'm living now.

5 )Where did you hang out?
I was superguai. I went home after school and did my homework.

6) Did you wear glasses?
Yeah, I did.

7) Who was your friend(s)?
Valerie, MingJie, Vionna, TingWei ):, Mandy, Pamela, Shawn, Jonathan (I think?)... I think there's more.

8) How many piercings did you have?
2!

9) What car did you drive?
I couldn't drive...

10) Had you been to a real party?
My birthday party? Or the cute X'mas party we tried to organize?

12) Had your heart broken?
I think I broke someone's heart though.

13) Single/Taken/Married /Divorced?
Single lahhhhhh.

2 YEARS AGO.

1) How old were you?
Thirteen.

2 ) How do you go to school?
Bus!

3) Where did you work?
Never work.

4 ) Where did you live?
Never moved.

5) Where did you hang out?
Shopping malls? Library?

6) Did you wear glasses?
Yeahhh.

7) Who were your friends?
Valerie, My... sisters. Lol.

8) Who was your crush?
Don't you think that's alittle personal?

9) How many tattoos did you have?
None.

10) How many piercings did you have?
One.

11) What car did you drive?
Stil couldn't drive.

12) Had your heart broken?
No.

13) Single/Taken/Married /Divorced?
I think I was married for a short period of time to someone.

NOW!

1. How old are you?
Fifteen.

2 ) Where do you work?
Nowhere.

3 ) Where do you live?
Same place.

4) Do you wear glasses??
No.

5) Who are your friends?
Valerie, Jesslyn, Beryl, Tingg?

6) Do you talk to your old friends?
Some of them.

7) How many piercings do you have?
Back to two.

8 ) How many tattoos?
None. I don't mind one.

9) What kind of car do you drive?
I can't fucking drive.

10) Has your heart been broken?
No.

11 ) Single/Taken/Married /Divorced?
None.

12) How do you go to school?
Bus?

13 ) Where do you hang out?
Shopping malls, library...

That's the end of my super lame post. I was bored, I tell you. B.O.R.E.D.

Randomness

2007-11-04T16:24:00.000+08:00

Pretty girl, yes? I love deviantart. I'm back again, I know. Boredom is slowly taking over me and I really have nothing to do. Well, if that ain't a big fat lie, I don't know what it is. I shall list down what I need to do.

The Highly Important List of Her Royal Highness Princess Li Lin:

x ~~Send stock-take list!~~

~~Like what's so difficult? I'm already done with it anyway.~~

x ~~Print First Aid Supplies list.~~

~~Waste of my ink. ZZZ.~~

x ~~Load new songs into MP3.~~

~~Lol, thanks chenchen. :D~~

x ~~The next chapter of Melt My Heart Of Ice.~~

~~I've been dragging it for ages okay. No wonder there're people bugging me to continue it. :/~~

x The incomplete Chapter 11 of Hate Me.

No inspiration! It's not my fault!

x ~~Finish reading Office Politics.~~

~~I'm actually reading this for the third time already?~~

x Read "The God of Small Things".

Thanks for the recommendation lah Olivia, but I was bored after the first few pages. ): Not my type of book.

x Physics Assignment 14a

You... didn't see anything.

x Physics Assignment 14b

Nope, nothing at all.

x Physics Assignment 15

I swear, RV's trying to screw with my head.

x Read the 3 remaining 8-Days I've borrowed from my neighbour.

That scary looking woman on the cover page isn't helping much.

That's about it. My overworked eyes are begging me to give them a break. You may ask what I have been up to for the past 6hours27minutes that I've been online and I won't be able to give you a definite answer. I was... exchanging songs, watching the final two episodes of 终极一家 at long last, reading fan-fics, friendster-ing, blog-surfing, and eating my way through many many chocolates.

The time now is 5:33pm. Maybe I'll go settle the stock-take list now. This time, I will remember to 'Show CC & BCC', rather than repeat that highly mortifying experience of typing all the emails into the title box and sending it off.

---

I'm back, it's 5:41pm. Great, I took 8 minutes to send one freaking email. Arielleeningyichristmastree, I blame you for your super long email. D: Let me strike the first task off my list. Done. I've always wondered why people jot down every little thing that goes on in their lives on their blogs, and why the readers are even interested in reading them in the first place. Now I'm still wondering the same thing, although I'm doing the same thing.

---

Now, I shall proceed on to editting the First Aid Supplies List and printing it out. For hell's sake, where the heck am I supposed to find 'First Aid backpacks'?

Fine, so now my printer's fucking around. Immature gray mechanical creature.

*1 minute later*

Please please please don't do this to me, my sweetest, dearest, darling-est, highly efficient printer. (*&^%$#$%^& YOU CRASHED ON ME. YOU FKING CRASHED ON ME. OHMYTIANS. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? LILY-LIVERED, BULGY-EYED FREAK. OH CRAP.

You must kidding me. Iloveyou. I really honestly truthfully frankly whole-heartedly love you. Don't do this to me. Another 3 minutes have passed. You can't die on me. I hate you I hate you I hate you. No wait, I love you. Really. Don't do this. ):

Damn you. I hate you.

---

5:57pm Stupid printer screwed me up. Shall load my songs into my MP3.

Guess what! I can't find my cable! Life rocks!

Oh I found it.

My computer. Is lagging. Lagging. Lagggggggggging. It's been more than 13minutes....

It's been 17 minutes. S.T.I.L.L L.A.G.G.I.N.G

OHMYGOD. NOW I KNOW WHY IT HAS BEEN LAGGING LIKE FK. THE MEDIA PLAYER WAS SYNCHRONIZING EVERYTHING. WTF.

I'm still not done deleting all the synchronized files. Crap, I shouldn't have forgotten that it's automatic. :/ So now, more than 100 files are being slowly deleted. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. D:

YES! I'M DONE!

6:23pm What the flying fish. I took almost half an hour to transfer 20 music files? Gawd.

---

Did I mention? Help came in the form of my dearest Xiayu to print the stupid First Aid Supplies List.

Public Declaration #1:

I LOVE YOU! MWACKS!

Public Declaration #2:

You'll be my one true love from now on. *evil cackle*

---

6:26pm

I shall proceed on to... Uh. How do I finish writing one chapter of MMHOI in half an hour? Oh hell yeah I'm going to do it. Just watch me.

But first, I need the toilet.

Yes I have completed one page. Now SOMEONE'S making me go and shower.

6:35pm I shall continue this later.

7:11pm Oh-em-gee! You mean I finished bathing under 45minutes? o.O RECORD BREAKING NEWS! SOMEONE CALL GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS! Now on with the story.

7:18pm *grumbles* Dinner again. I'm not hungry. ):

7:35pm I'm never going to be able to finish this.

8:21pm Yes! I'm done! Exceeded the time limit, but I was planning on writing 3 pages only. But I wrote 6 pages! It's perfectly understandable that I would finish writing it in....1 hour and 2 minutes right? Since I did want to finish it in 30minutes and I wrote DOUBLE the length. :D

Go on, say I'm amazingly efficient and that you're proud of me. Say it! Her royal highness, Princess Li Lin will refrain from gloating. (:

---

8:25pm So now I'll... read Office Politics. Oh flying fish. 24 chapters? 19 chapters left. I can do this. I'll be back at 10pm. Or earlier.

8:43pm Kns! Numb foot! Ahhhh!

9:20pm "And “I’m just too conservative and grounded in my culture”; is this what they call male chauvinistic pigs these days?" HAHAHA I LOVE THIS.

9:41pm Whee, I'm done. 24 chapters. That goes off my list too. You people should read it too. This is one amazing authoress. (:

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/xuewen2/

---

I'm not going to touch everything else on my list. They'll go into tomorrow's list. And I swear/promise to do my assignments tomorrow. And submit them on Tuesday. I will. I REALLY WILL! ): Why is everybody giving me that incredulous look?

That's enough bullshit for one day.

Yours truly,
Her Royal Highness
Princess Li Lin

P.S: I just felt like using that 'Princess' prefix okay? Stop throwing me that 'I-don't-understand-just-how-insane-you-can-get' stare.

P.P.S: I said stop it.

P.P.P.S: I really mean it. Now STOP IT.

P.P.P.P.S: That's better.

P.P.P.P.P.S: I'm not mad.

---

2007-11-04T15:01:00.000+08:00

I'm.so.annoyed. This is one freaking biased website.

http://www.dragonweave.com/

Why, you ask. Because the rings I find pretty there are BIIIG. Really really big. I can't wear them. Whatever, not like I can buy them anyway. Since it's from a land of far far away.

see what I mean? It's BIG. ):

This is one fab necklace. I love the spiderweb. :D

If you can't see it, it's a razorblade. With a heart. Broken heart. Haha. I want it. :/

And I saw many nice clothes yesterday. But they were mostly black. So obviously, mother don't like. Mother don't like means I cannot buy. No matter how much money I have.

I showed her this top from a blog shop:

But noooooooo cannot buy. Why? No, not because it only costs $15. Or because it's second hand. Because it has skulls and spiders and chains.

Whatever lah.

2007-10-29T19:52:00.001+08:00

This is worse than the time you broke that umbrella.

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along.

This is worse than the time you left the house with Xiao Xiang after an argument and didn't return till 3 hours later.

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend thatI'm alright
And you can't change me

This is worse than the time you slapped me and made me bleed.

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

This is worse than the time he hit me for the first and last time.

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

This is worse than the time he was so enraged, he tore the toilet door off when I was hiding behind it.

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

This is worse than the time he refused to eat, talk or drink after the two of you fought.

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

For the first and last time in my entire life, I'm literally begging you. Do anything you want to me. But don't ignore me. Anything but ignore me. I hate being scared. So please don't scare me.

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

Please.

I promise to study harder next year. I promise not to watch television, touch my laptop or gaze at my handphone next year. I promise you I won't let you down again. I really studied this time. I didn't want to get crap results either. Please don't scare me.

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I'm really really begging you.

2007-10-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

This is from some forwarded email but rather than forward it manually, I figured I'd just post it up here.

Girl Facts:

When a girl is angry, don'task her whats wrong.
Think of the answer yourself.
A girl does not like to say the reason.

When you catch a girl glancing at you, she wants you to look back and smile.

When a girl bumps into your arm while walking with you, she wantsyou to hold her hand.

When she wants a hug, she will just stand there.

When u break a girl's heart, she still feels it when you run into each other 3 years later.

When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full ofquestions, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are playing games.

When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl says she can't live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you," no one in this world can miss you more than that.

When a girl is mean to you after a break-up she wants you back, but she's scared she'll get hurt and knows you're gone forever.

Guy Facts:

When a guy calls you, he wants to be with you.

When a guy is quiet, he's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing, he realizes he's wrong.

When a guy says, "I'm fine." after a few minutes, he means it.

When a guy stares at you, he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do.

When you're laying your head on a guy's chest, he has the world.

When a guy calls/texts/comments you everyday, he is in love.

When a (good) guy tells you he loves you, he means it.

When a guy says he can't live without you, he's with you til you're done.

When a guy says, "I miss you," he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else.

Frankly, I know nuts about the guys one. And for the girls... I suppose most of them are true. But not the staring one. I'm pretty sure I spammed a few people's blogs with *stares*.

2007-10-28T11:35:00.000+08:00

I FEEL DUMB. I FORGOT TO POST THIS SONG UP! Personally, I do prefer the Sean Kingston version... But from a girl's point of view, these lyrics kick ass! :D

BeautifulGirls
Jojo!

I'm way too cool for ya boy
That's why it'll never work
I'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it's over
Damn all these beautiful girls
We're only gonna do your dirt
We'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it's over
Yeah yeah

I remember when
I was hanging with my friends
That's when I caught your eye
You thought that I was fly
Right then you wished that
I would be your baby (be your baby)
You try to spit some game
Asking me girl what ya name
All that ice upon ya chain
So I asked you the same
Something tells me that we have fun together (fun together)

I ain't easy to find
I'm a one of a kind
Oh when i dutty wine
I know your all mine
Tonight is yours
Tomorrow's for another guy (another guy)

I'm way too cool for ya boy
That's why it'll never work
I'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it's over
Damn all these beautiful girls
We're only gonna do your dirt
We'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it's over

You've been calling me
Leaving messages all week
Was your curiousity
Got ya knees weak
I'm not looking for a man
So I don't want no confusion (no confusion)
I took ya to the floor
Got ya begging me for more
But that was my cue to go
So I hit the door
I left you hot
With your mind still running wild (running wild)

I ain't easy to find
I'm a one of a kind
Oh when I dutty wine
I know your all mine
If you stick around
Be careful not to fall in love (fall in love)

I'm way too cool for ya boy
That's why it'll never work
I'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it's over
Damn all these beautiful girls
We're only gonna do your dirt
We'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it's over

Now a couple months have passed
Never thought that this would last
Oh everybody asked
How ya got a girl like that
But you should've known
That nothing lasts forever (lasts forever)
I mash up ya mind
When I tell you lies
But boy don't be suprised
That I'm seeing other guys
I'm too young to settle
And you should've known better (known better)

Damn all these beautiful girls (you should have known)
We're only gonna do your dirt (cos I'll have)
I'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it's over

2007-10-28T10:46:00.000+08:00

This picture portrays a pretty cool story. And I'll paste it from the artist's profile page so I'd better leave some credits.

"The plot of this tragic story is that a young man wishes to dance with the love of his life...but she will only dance with him if he gives her a red rose. But it's the dead of winter, so it's impossible. The nightingale, who wants him to be happy and in love, decides to help him find a rose. However, she learns that the only way to make one grow is to pierce her heart on the rose bush's thorn, to make a red rose bloom out of love and blood. She dies, and the young man plucks the rose to give to his lady love. She spurns the gift, which took such a tremendous sacrifice, because it doesn't match her dress." ~thenumber42, Deviantart.

Yes, that shows how insensitive, stupid, retarded, assholic we girls can be. Now back to the point of what will turn out to be a highly emotional post and which will undoubtedly contradict my first sentence.

I was reading a copy of Cleo (y'know, that magazine that once sported "50 ways to have sex" or some random title like that) which was given to us by a proud mother whose daughter wrote an article in it when I flipped back to look at the Editor's note. She said - No man has the right to say these words to me: "I don't allow you to..."

DAMN RIGHT. Words cannot express how much I agree with that statement. What are we women? Dogs? "No, Pumpkin, I will not allow you to sleep in my bed tonight 'cos your fur would get stuck in my new pyjamas." "No, dear, I will not allow you to wear that dress simply because I don't like people looking at you." As bitchy as we can get sometimes, that is still no reason for guys to take control over our lives.

To the girls who have been listening to their boyfriends say: "I don't allow you to..." for the past unidentified amount of time, WAKE UP! He is, afterall, just a boyfriend whom you'll ultimately dump, or who'll dump you. Why listen? That's just my twenty-dollars worth though, I really can't do anything if you insist on being some gullible doormat that doesn't mind being stepped on. Like, can I say, ouch?

Infantile bastard! Why whine over something which is not in your field of expertise? You mean to tell me you know how a woman feels when she wears something sexy? Nooooooo. You probably (I say probably because I honestly frankly truthfully really don't know what guys think.) think that she's your woman and she shouldn't be showing her body off to the world. But don't you see? *ghostly voice* It's her choice.

ZZZ. Alright, I don't know why I'm so worked up over this. *looks at the taunting pile of assignments next to my laptop* Ah, now I know why. Let's go on to another topic.

Which is...

Which will be...

I've run out of topics.

Okay, so my aunt once told me that there lived a cute little puppy... No, she didn't. She never mentions anything about dogs. Especially not when she jumped on a chair when I let my dog loose. What she said was more of: "I pity your future boyfriend." But aunty dear, who said I'm going to get a boyfriend in the first place? Why would I need a boyfriend to stay happy? Because it's the latest fashion accessory? Because it's an absolute necessity to have someone carry my bags when I go shopping?

OH! There's another point! Why do guys like to carry their girlfriends' bags for them? Yes, it's so sweet and all but:

#1. It makes the boyfriend look gay. I mean it! I've seen so many bulky, strong guys carrying some pretty shoulder bag which looks absolutely r.i.d.i.c.u.l.o.u.s on them. And more importantly, I thought they were gay.

#2. It makes the girlfriend look weak. C'mon! What's so difficult about carrying your own bag? Train your muscles, strengthen your arms, strengthen your legs! Er, but you don't use your legs to carry your bag right? It's just a bag.

#3. I can't think of any more reasons so let's just leave it at that.

End of topic.

Gah! I love this pic! What a pity the blood looks like jam. :/

I shall digress again.

I'm a sucker at cutting fruits. I cut off more flesh from the fruit than skin from the fruit. I lose more blood than the fruit loses its juice. In future, I'll get those kinda cool looking invention of mankind that slices the fruit easily when you stab it into the fruit. :D At least I won't end up like my daddy. He cut off the tip of his middle finger when he was a kid. And he didn't cry. I think I'd be crying at the top of my lungs. And his happy aunt dumped the slice of flesh back on, wound a bandage around it, and proclaimed him perfectly fine. Thank hell she's no longer around. I don't think I'd like having my finger put back on in a twisted way. Maybe one day I'll take a picture of my daddy's finger and post it up.

I'm beginning to babble.

Really?

Uh huh.

Does this mean you're going mad?

Nope, not at all!

So you're sane?

Duh!

Very very sane?

I can sing my ABCs!

I'm sure you're sane!

Of course I'm sane!

That's great. I feel happy for you.

Alright. I admit. I'm not sane.

2007-10-27T21:11:00.000+08:00

WalkingAway
By LiLin

Song: What Hurts The Most – Rascal Flatts

He hobbled down the sidewalk slowly, looking up at the rapidly darkening sky. The plastic bag swung gently in his hands as he tried to speed up. It would do his old bones no good to be caught in a thunderstorm without an umbrella. The first drops of cold rain started coming down and pelting his worn windbreaker. He winced in pain as his leg began throbbing again. Wearily, he dragged himself towards the shelter instead. There was no way he could get home before it began to storm. Just as he expected, there was a clash of thunder and a jagged fork of lightning the moment he sat down in the shelter.

There was a girl in her early thirties sitting on the other side of the shelter gazing mournfully at a photo. She looked up as he sat down and he acknowledged her presence with a nod. She gave him a small smile back and returned to looking at her photo. The old man shrugged. Judging by the look on her face, she had probably ended a relationship recently.

Opening the plastic bag, he took out a sandwich. Might as well eat his sandwich while waiting for the rain to stop. As he lifted the sandwich to his mouth, there was a muffled sniff from the other side of the shelter. He turned slightly to see the girl dissolving into tears, her fingers tightening around the photo.

“Girl,” he called out gently over the sound of falling rain. “Are you alright?”

She made a choking noise and nodded, gesturing to the photo. She must have seen the puzzled frown on the old man’s face as she got up and walked over to sit with him. Seeing how heart broken she looked, his heart wrenched. He offered her the sandwich he was holding and got a watery smile in return.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

“I’m sorry. I know it’s weird to…” she paused, then glanced down at the photo again. “Talk to strangers about this and stuff but...”

“It’s alright, girl. You can talk,” he interrupted in a fatherly way. He had never married, and never had a daughter, but she looked like how he would expect his own daughter to be.

“My mother… she passed away last month and there are times when I just can’t stop thinking about her,” she began tearfully, handing him the photo she was holding. “That’s her when she was twenty. I don’t know who that guy is but she wouldn’t tell me either.”

The old man took the photo and looked at it. Soft curls were falling gently about a young, angelic face. Still, there was an apparent trace of sadness in her face. There was a young man standing next to her, the same, reluctant look on his face with an arm around her shoulders.

“S… Seraphina?”

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

The girl watched as the stranger’s eyes misted over with unshed tears when he uttered her mother’s name. A single tear fell from his eyes and his hand shook. She piped up hesitantly, “You knew my mother, sir?”

“Where’s your father, girl?” He asked tentatively, still holding the photo tightly.

“I… He… My parents divorced when I was five. My mother raised me up single-handedly…” she trailed off when she saw him closing his eyes and leaning back against the railing.

Flashback

“Don’t go. Please don’t go,” she was crying into his shoulder, her shoulders shaking with each racking sob. “I don’t want you to die.”

His heart broke as he held her body in his arms. She had been his best friend ever since they were kids. He would be lying through his teeth if he said he had never carried a torch for her. Yet now, he might never see her again. War was a disgusting creature, that took lives and broke hearts.

“I’ll be back.” He said simply. “I won’t die, and you know I never break my promises to you.”

“You can’t leave!” She pressed her face into his chest harder than ever as he tried to pull away. He had to leave. The army was setting off soon. He held back the tears that threatened to spill. He would not cry. His arm slid away from her waist as he pulled his body away. Leaning down, he placed his lips on hers for a split-second and ran off, leaving her to clutch tearfully at thin air, watching him walk away.

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

The town was different from the way he had left it. The war ended very quickly, but his leg had been injured and scarred badly. He could not bring himself to go back and see her again, not in the pathetic state he was in. He was now twenty-six, and it was five years since he left her. He limped through the busy streets. Idly, he wondered if she was still awaiting his return. Most soldiers had rushed home as fast as they could after the war, but he had lived with his aunt in another town instead. Would she still be waiting?

He hobbled pass a newly opened teashop and took a curious peek in. he doubled back and frowned at the lady behind the counter. Her hair was curled softly, and pulled back from her face with a pink hair band. She smiled that gentle smile at her customers. Her gray eyes twinkled merrily as she scanned the crowded shop. Before her eyes landed on the man looking in through her window at her. Their eyes met and her mouth fell open, recognition flashing across her face.

She pushed her way through the throngs of people and out the door, looking around wildly. He had turned his back and limped away. She could not see him in this state. A familiar voice called out to him.

“Lucas , wait!” She shouted. He was lost amongst the crowds. “Lucas , is that you? Luc!”

He was gone. And she had watched him walk away.

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

A beige envelope was pushed through the flap in his door. Getting up from his seat next to the fireplace, he went over and picked it up, bringing it to his seat. ‘Lucas’ was written neatly on it. There was no address, no nothing. Frowning, he unsealed the envelope. It was a card, a photo, and a letter. He looked at the letter. ‘Dear Luc’, it began. There was only one person who would call him Luc. The back of the photo had the words ‘I hope you’ll remember me’ in her handwriting. And the card… it was a wedding invitation. She was getting married.

A stabbing pain drove through his heart as an unexplainable tension took over his body. He crushed everything, and threw them into the fireplace. Silently, he watched on as the fire darkened the edges of the papers. He watched the flames dance and consume everything. The edges curled, darkened, and gradually disappeared.

He broke his promise.

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

‘Dear Luc, I don’t know if you heard, but my… I’m naming her… after you.’

He scanned through the words then tossed the letter into the bin. Why remember him at all? There was no point. He had been to her wedding, hiding at the back. He watched her walking down the aisle, and out of his life. She got the better life she deserved, one she would never get with him. She had walked out of his life, and he walked out of hers too.

End Flashback

“Sir?” The young lady’s voice was uncertain. “Are you alright?”

“What’s your name, girl?”

“Lucinda. Why?” His heart shattered into a million pieces. He told her… he told her decades ago, that if he ever had a daughter, he would name her Seraphina after her. And she promised that her first child would be named after him too. She kept her promise. His head whirled at top speed.

“Sir, are you okay? Do you need help?” The young lady was getting frantic. The old man was shaking his head again and again, mumbling something under his breath. “Sir!”

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

“I just didn’t want to hurt her.” He whispered to the chilly air, seeming unaware of the other person in the shelter. “So I walked away. And I kept walking away.”

“Sir?”

“I loved her.”

The suckiest songfic I've ever written. :/ But it was the best I could do with an inspiration that hit in the middle of the night while I was listening to the song.

Hate.

2007-10-26T16:33:00.001+08:00

Dejected would be an understatement. I'm caught between being despondent, demoralized, dismayed, and angry with myself. Why do I let them down time and again? Why do I say I've tried my best when my results don't show the work and effort I've put inside it? They're getting older by the minute. Time flies so fast that you'd never know what's going on. You can't grab it to stop it. You can get on your knees, chop off your hands as sacrifice and kowtow a zillion times and it'll never stop. Not for you. Anything could happen. One day they're not going to be here any longer. And I'll forever live in guilt, that I never fulfilled their wish and that I never gave them what they really wanted. Everything they do, they do it for me. All they want is for me to get good grades, get a PhD, enjoy a blissfully good life. So why can't I ever appreciate what they do for me?

I don't know what to do. I cannot bring myself to show them those miserable sheets of paper. All I desperately want to do now is to burn them up, then grab a knife and drive it recklessly through myself. I don't even want them to tell me to work harder for my next exam. For once in my life, I'd really love it if they slapped me and started screaming and scolding me. In fact, I want them to hate me with all their heart. I want them to stop loving me.

I cannot fathom why I make such promises with absolute confidence, when I know that I definitely won't be able to fulfil them.

"I won't fail anything one lah! Trust me lah can? Why can't you just trust me for once? You cannot see that I'm studying arh?"

"Okay, you say one arh. I don't want to see you failing anything."

I hate breaking promises. I hate to see the look of disappoint on their faces. I hate to see them look at me reproachfully then urge me to go for tuition, which is basically useless. I hate to see the hopeful look in their eyes die just like that. I hate crying over this when it's all my own fault.

I'm pathetic.

I don't even want to begin blaming my laptop for seducing me, the television for tempting me or my deepest loathing for the subjects for preventing me from revising. It's all my fault anyway. So what if I studied till late at night/early in the morning for the exams? I never did put in any effort the whole year. And now I'm feeling remorseful over the results I get for slacking the whole year and sprinting frantically towards the end of the race. No matter how hard I sprint, how much I force my legs to pump non-stop, everyone has moved ahead. Way too far ahead for me to ever catch up.

There are times when I strongly believe I don't deserve to be here, when I trust that I should never have been born in the first place. Much less to people who care about me. Who care too much about me. This is one of those times. Y'know what?

I HATE MYSELF.

Please just hate me for life. Tell me you want me dead. Slap me, punch me, kick me. Ground me. Take my laptop away. Take my television away. Kidnap my radio. Snatch my MP3. Confiscate my phone. Fking tell me you wished you'd never gave birth to me. You'll make me feel better, I'll stop crying, start laughing and I can toss that taunting stack of paper into the recycling bin and pretend I hate you too.

You deserve so much better than me. You deserve a much better daughter. You deserve someone who can hug you and thank you and tell you she loves you easily rather than someone who thinks the world must be ending when you put an arm around her.

I'm sorry I'm not

what you want me to be.

I'm sorry I can't be

what you picture me to be.

I'm sorry I can't do

the things you expect of me.

I'm sorry I never

made your wish come true.

I wish I could be

your perfect baby girl,

the one you probably dreamt about,

and prayed for with all your heart.

I wish I could be

that perfect little girl,

who will study her life away,

and return home early each day.

I wish I could be

that perfect teenage girl,

so sweet; so pretty; so loving,

who'll smile and laugh

and never scowl or glower the whole damn day.

I wish I could be

that perfect, sensible girl,

who will gladly do your chores,

cook the meals and mop the floor,

and never break your heart at all.

But I'm sorry I can't be

that perfect girl you wanted.

I love you all the same.

& I hope you hate me.

Because, I don't even know if I mean it, when I say the word 'love'.

2007-10-25T21:36:00.000+08:00

I'm in a weird mood today. I feel depressed. Then I feel high. Then I feel angry. & I feel annoyed. I want it to rain. I miss hearing thunder, miss seeing lightning, miss smelling rain, miss feeling wind. In fact, I want it to storm. In Mr. Aloysious Ong's words: "Don't think walking in the rain very romantic! Rain is acidic! Not good for you arh!" I beg to differ. Walking in the rain is good. It washes the world away. It washes everything away. & then you're left all alone, with the feel of rain on your bare skin. I wouldn't mind sitting out in the rain. I don't mind risking getting struck by lightning either. I like hearing thunder. It blocks everything out. It's almost like a drug.

I don't think anybody understands what I'm trying to say. Everybody probably thinks differently from me. So I think I'll just paste parts of the first chapter of 'Hate Me' here. Because those words are what I'm feeling now.

Love. What is love? Some people say love is when you just want the person you love to be happy. Some people say love is when you feel a constellation of conflicting emotions, filled with profound affections. Some people say love is everlasting. Yet almost everyone says that love, is something that cannot be described with words.

What I really don’t get is why people say they love one another, when it all ends in heartbreak. Take for example, a mother tells her son she loves him dearly, but she passes away. Did they not say that love is when you want someone to be happy forever? Yet when she passes on, what the son feels is not happiness. What he feels is ultimate sadness and betrayal. Think about it, is that love?

Lovers insist that they love each other unconditionally and they give their all up for just this one person. They get married, thinking that they love each other whole heartedly and nothing could tear them apart. However, why is it that so many divorces exist? Otherwise, couples break up because of petty quarrels. What happened to ‘love is everlasting’?

Sometimes I feel like such a cynic; I honestly wonder if I mean it at all when I say I 'love' something, or someone. In all seriousness, what is love? Does it even exist in the first place? Huh.

Frankly, deep down inside like every other girl, I daydream of my 'Prince Charming' too. But the possibilities of that happening is about as possible as me scoring 10 A1s on my report card. Before you ask why that is impossible, I don't take 10 subjects. And I want to know. What's all that shiat about 'white horses'? I'd rather my 'prince' come riding up on a black stallion. And he better not be riding a mare. I'd slap him. Bullying the opposite sex? Well damn him. Thank hell I only ever think about the horse and its rider when I'm reading fluff stories on fictionpress.com or fanfiction.net.

I should return to being a man-hating, potential spinster, murderer-in-training amoeba.

I hate love. Love hates me.

Everybody, cheer for us. Yaye.

<3>

I guess fighting with you is inevitable. Thank goodness there're some things called a toilet, and a super sharp safety pin. I never cut. I hate the throbbing, bleeding pain. I rather scratch, and have that super sharp pain that lasts for that split second, than bear with the pain for ages. I don't think my ankle could stand the blood anyway.

2007-10-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to do my script for Learning Symposium. But I really can't be bothered. I need to send by 23:59 what. There's still time. I'll do it at 10.30pm. (: Hmmms... On a guy-hating spree today. Which will last for a few more days. Trying to rush through the SJAB work. I HATE MAKING LISTS.

I ripped a quiz off Bunny's old blog.

1.the person who tagged you is

Nobody. But I ripped it from Bunny's blog.

2. your relationship with him/her is

TWINS! We're twins <3333 The 'furry conjoined'. What the fk?

3. 5 impressions you have of him/her

INSANE!, loveable, she understands me, not a good first impression D:, clever.

4. the most memorable thing he/she has done for you

for being there all the time? :D

5. the most memorable words he/she has said to you

"DAMMIT! WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH NICE EYES! *screams*" Or something along those lines. I'll remember that always.

6. if he/she becomes your lover, you will…

Er. I will... Be shocked to no ends.

7. if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be

Stop focusing on JaeJoong dammit! Focus on MEEEEEEEEE. I desperately need attention ):

8. if he/she becomes your enemy, you will

Give her a hug. Enemies need hugs. (: That'll turn them off.

9. if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be

That we were quarrelling over whether bunnies or kitties are better. But of course, kitties are better. :D

10. the most desirable thing you want to do for him/her now is

Is she online? I shall go bug her later.

11. your overall impression of him/her is

SHE'S THE BEST TWIN I'LL EVER HAVE. YAYE.

12. how do you think people around you will feel about you

They love me and hate me.

13. the characteristic you love about yourself is

My simply amazing ability to fall in love with a hundred different non existent guys at one time.

14. on the contrary, the characteristic you hate about yourself is

I can't bring myself to do the work I need to do.

15. the most ideal person you want to be is

HAN! She's pretty, she can play the drums, and she can be so damn cold to people. <3333

16. for people that care and like you, say something to them

I'd say 'I love you' but I'd be lying.

17. pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you

Anybody who's bored and feels like doing something. Like me. SHIT IT'S 10.30!

2007-10-20T19:01:00.000+08:00

Hmmms. I guess I really am bored. I went ice skating with Tingg and Suyu today. And erm, two other random guys who were horrifically tortured by me and Tingg. Okay, not exactly. We just gripped their arms super hard because we, or rather, I, have a horrid sense of balance. Anyway, had a good time. Just that I've got 2 sad bruises on my knees and one on my ass.

Girly
[x] I love at least one shade of pink.
[x] I don't like being messy.
[x] My belongings are organized. most of them anyway...
[ ] I don't like rock music.
[x] I like wearing accessories. I love my slave ring and my lizard ring and my wrist cuffs and that choker. (:
[ ] Bright colors amaze me.
[ ] I hate black.
[ ] I go to the saloon once a week.
[] I comb my hair almost all the time.
[x] I bring my phone with me everywhere.

add up all your marks and multiply it by 10. you are 50% girly.

Boyish.
[ ] I wear baggy pants. I don't mind wearing baggy pants though.
[ ] I play video games.
[x] I listen to boy bands like My Chemical Romance, Yellowcard, Switchfoot, etc.
[ ] I like wearing jackets with hoods.
[x] I'm too lazy to do chores.
[ ] I don't like shopping. I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I hated shopping.
[ ] I like to go bungee jumping.
[ ] I like being sweaty.
[x] I'm a big fan of marvel heroes. Is Flash counted? :D
[x] I barely wear perfume.

add up all your marks and multiply it by 10. you are 40% boyish.

Nerdy
[ ] I always carry a pen in my purse or pocket.
[ ] I enjoy studying.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I'm a straight-A student.
[ ] I've never skipped any class in my whole life.
[ ] I like my shirt tucked in.
[ ] My favorite subject is science. { * rolls on the floor* }
[x] I enjoy reading books. I LOVE BOOKS! Er... Yeah I really do.
[ ] My assignments are passed up on time.
[x] I correct people with their grammar. Sometimes I guess...

add up all your marks and multiply it by 10. you are 30% nerdy.

Emo
[x] I love the color black.
[x] I always sit at the corner.
[x] One side of my hair is covering one of my eyes.
[x] I like listening to metal rock music.
[x] I have a lot of problems in my life. In my opinion.
[ ] I'm not much of a loud person.
[ ] I don't talk much.
[ ] I don't have that much friends.
[ ] I barely have fun.
[ ] I barely go out with my folks or friends.

add up all your marks and multiply it by 10. you are 50% emo.

Childish
[ ] I am open to my parents.
[ ] I sleep with a stuff toy.
[x] I watch cartoons.
[x] I don't like watching horror movies.
[ ] I sleep with a night light.
[ ] My parents are the ones who choose my outfit
[ ] I'm scared of roller coasters.
[ ] I like being with my family relatives.
[ ] I take bubble baths. Find me a bath tub and I'd do it.
[ ] I've ran around the house in my underwear. That ain't childish; that's pure pervertic.

add up all your marks and multiply it by 10. you are 20% childish.

I wanna go Bugis Street and buy a vest.

My new favorite color combi is Black and White. My favoritest favorite is still Black and Red though. But black and white clothes are easier to find. :D

Damn. Who says I'm only 50% girly? Huh.

2007-10-17T19:03:00.000+08:00

There is a fine line between teasing someone and insulting someone to no ends. To that screwed up brainless person who SPAMMED my class tagboard with your nonsensical tags and insulting comments, you should have thought twice before doing what you did. I won't let you off, not even if you're a girl. I said it on my PM already, and I will do it. I won't hesitate to use violence.

You'll wish you'd never been born.

2007-10-16T19:07:00.000+08:00

it's finally raining. i saw a flash of pretty lightning; and i heard thunder. loud, scary, obnoxious, comforting thunder. but it only thundered once. that's sad.

i feel so empty. so emotionless. oh wow, there was another flash of lightning. what's wrong with me? why am i listlessly rambling away on my blog, when there are 5 unread messages in my phone inbox? when i should be doing something constructive?

i haven't been able to sleep for ages. i don't wanna close my eyes. lol. sound familiar? aerosmith rules. i feel like i'm gonna lose everything, if i just turn my back for one second. i musn't get too attached to anything. there's no point. i have to literally force myself to eat half the time. i feel like puking everytime i eat. get your mind out of the gutter. i'm not pregnant.

it feels like everything's crashing down on me. i don't want to care anymore. why should i care. i don't have to care. it's not my business to care. i don't care. i don't know. stop asking me. leave me alone. shut up. it feels so weird. i don't know what's going on. i don't understand anything. i feel stupid. and i feel fear. stupid fked up life. what's going on. someone tell me what's going on dammit.

i want to cry.

hopeless.

i really want to cry.

really hopeless.

i feel so cold.

2007-10-16T15:39:00.001+08:00

can you believe that she's almost 50?

Damn. Joan Jett's one cool bitch. D:

I think I better summarize everything in point form.

I fell sick again, I think I fall sick exactly 12 times a year.
I had to skip CCA. For once, I don't want to skip CCA, but it was either that or I sneeze my way through school.
I sneezed my way through the day anyway.
I'm practically dying here.
I'm blogging because I'm bored.
I wanna watch ZJYJ. <333
I love Jughead.
I love Jughead/Betty pairings.
I hate Archie.
I love Archie from COTT though.
Why must I always fall for guys who don't exist in real life?
Especially when they're comic characters and come from cartoons.
The sky loks kinda grey.
I hope it rains soon.
I want it to rain soon.
In fact, I want it to storm and thunder and lightning and all that jazz.
I'm addicted to 小情歌 by some singer whose name I don't know how to read and thus am unable to type.
I forgot that I can copy and paste: 苏打绿
I've listened to it at least 25 times today.
I shall paste the lyrics here.

这是一首简单的小情歌

唱着人们心肠的曲折

我想我很快乐

当有你的温热

脚边的空气转了

唱着我们心头的白鸽

我想我很适合

当一个歌颂者

青春在风中飘着

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒

我会给你怀抱

受不了看见你背影来到

写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票

我也不会奔跑

逃不了最后谁也都苍老

写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

最后谁也都苍老

Best of luck to my juniors going through their selection test today. Whether they want to get into competition or not. Lol.

school sucks

2007-10-15T20:15:00.000+08:00

Went to Xiatian's house to do CID today. Ended up slacking of course.

For people who are smart enough to highlight this, why bother?

-

I don't understand what's your problem. I really don't. Why do you scold me for every single thing? I seriously don't get it. Is it really such a pleasure to make me feel like a kicked dog? Of course it doesn't make sense that I should feel like a kicked dog when I'm actually a cat. Half the time, I never grasp the roots of the reason you scold me. I'm never the one to start those arguments. Why would I want to start an argument in the first place? Yet I'm always dubbed as the one who lights the fuse. I don't get it.

-

You think I like dehydrating myself? I've slapped, pinched, scratched, hit myself everytime I feel the water tap being turned on just so that I will stop crying. They never seem to work, no matter how much force I put behind those actions. I think there're a couple of crescents on my thighs now. What was the use anyway? I still shedded tears. I can't keep this up any longer. One day I'm going to crumble. And when this wall I painstakingly built disintegrates into fine dust that'll probably be used as kitty litter, I'm going to climb Mount Everest, and take one reckless step off the top. And then I'll fall to my death. Unless I don't die, of course.

-

Maybe then you'll regret. Or maybe you'll laugh. I shouldn't even be here. You should have taken that doctor's advice, and aborted me. Why didn't you; why couldn't you have done that and save me a hell lot of trouble. Why?

You want to know something? I'm scared. For once in my life, I'm well and truly scared. I don't know why either.

& please do me a favor. Don't ask me if I'm alright. What's the point of asking when you already know my answer?

"I'm perfectly fine."

-

I should get back to my CMAP. Which psycho school gives physics assignments after exams? My school. DUH.

2007-10-14T13:50:00.000+08:00

The last time I posted was on 7 October. I wanted to talk about so many things, but I wonder if I should talk about them. On second thought, I think I'll just rip a quiz off someone's blog.

From Fenggggg :D

Questions

1. You are walking to your boy/girlfriend’s house. There are two roads to get there. One is a straight path to take you there quickly, but is very plain and boring. The other is significantly longer but is full of wonderful sights and interesting things. Which one do you take to get to your significant other’s house, short or long?
Longer. Unless I've got my music player with me.

2. On the way you see 2 rose bushes, One is full of red roses, the other full of white. You decide to pick 20 roses for your boy/girlfriend, of any color combination. What number of white and red do you pick? (you can pick all of one or any combination of the two)
Why would I buy flowers for a guy in the first place? And roses, to be exact. I like red roses. 20 red roses. :D

3. You finally get to the house. A family member answers the doors. You can have them get your boy/girlfriend or go get him/her yourself. Which do you do?
I'll go find him (and strangle him in his sleep) ;)

4. You go up to your boy/girlfriend’s room, but nobody is there. You decide to leave the roses. Do you leave them by the windowsill or on the bed?
Bed. If he doesn't see the roses and sleeps on them, I'll demand a hundred red roses back.

5. Later, it’s time for bed, You and your boy/girlfriend go to sleep in separate rooms. In the morning when it’s time to wake up you go in his/her room and check on him/her. When you arrive, is he/she awake or asleep?
Awake? When it's time to wake up though, wouldn't I still be in the process of waking up? How can I go and check up on him?

6. Now it’s time to go back home. Do you take the short, plain road or the longer, more interesting road?
Ehhs, short. I want to get home sooner.

The Explanations.

1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. If you take the short road, you fall in love quickly and easily. If you take the long road, you take your time and do not fall in love as easily. [That... I can accept.]

2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. For example, if you chose 18 red and 2 white, you give 90 and expect 10 return. [Huh? Serious? I should have picked the white roses.]

3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. If you asked the family member to get your significant other, then you like to avoid problems and hope that they will solve themselves. If you went to get them yourself, then you are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately. [Wait, I do?!]

4. The placement of roses determines how much you like to see your boy/girlfriend. Placing them on the bed means you like to see them a lot, while placing them on the windowsill means that you are alright with not seeing them as much. [Okay, what else can I say?]

5. This representative of your attitude towards their personality. If you find him/her asleep, you love your boy/girlfriend the way he/she is. If you find him/her awake, you expect him/her to change for you. [Am I that demanding? Alright.]

6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. If you chose the short road, you fall out of love easily. If you chose the longer one, you will tend to stay in love for a long time. [Well that's plain stupid. How can I take ages to fall in love and a split second to fall out of love? =.=]

I love Jughead.

I should learn to be a cold fish. (No, not ShuHui.) And I don't mean cold as in "Oh mommy look it's snowing! Yay!" "Honey, it doesn't snow in Singapore."
I meant it the other way.

I failed 4 subjects. There goes my hope of learning drums. And here comes my dream of leaving RV. Maybe I should transfer to some Martian school.

I love Gui Feng.

2007-10-07T23:11:00.000+08:00

There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to type. On second thought, I can't be bothered to do so.

2 skirts, 1 fking expensive choker that I regret buying, 1 wrist cuff, 1 ring, 1 pair of shoes, neoprints with Val, turtsy's present. $176.30 in 3 days. Damn, sometimes, I really think I rock. No wonder I'm broke. Thank goodness I didn't buy those clothes in Bugis Street, as tempting as they were. I really liked 'em though. D:

Retail therapy, that's what Bunny calls it. After-exams blues. And Fish is still not picking up my calls. How the fuck am I going to know when and where to meet her for that fucked up CID shit that we're supposed to do? And Winnie and Yingting still don't know a single damn thing about it.

I think relationships are overrated.

& screw weddings.

Oh, is anybody kind enough to donate $100 to the Save-A-LiLin Foundation?

I thought shopping with you would cease our arguments for just one day. But damn, I guess I'll never know just how bloody wrong I was.

2007-09-28T20:28:00.000+08:00

don't pretend you know everything when you dont know a fk about anything.

i kept telling myself i should appreciate you and love you simply because you're one of the best people in the whole damn world.

but now?

hell yea i do appreciate you but i'm not too sure if i love you.

stop thinking that you know everything.

you dont know a single fking thing.

and you say you know me best.

stop being so self delusioned why don't you.

i'm so annoyed i can't even type properly.

and i'm actually typing this in notepad.

like wtf?

fk you.shutupshutupshutup!

i hate you.

i hope you die.

you dont even know what i do.

you dont even know i cry.

oh wait CRYING IS A SIN.

when i cry i'm being childish; when i cry i'm being ridiculous; when i cry i'm being idiotic; when i cry i'm wasting my time; when i cry i'm stupid.

of course.

there's nobody else crying in the world right now.

no of course not.

why dont you just go away and leave me alone.

well hell yeah i'm stupid.

you cant even tell the difference between a cut and a scratch.

you don't even know what else i do that you don't know.

now you know why i always suck at my studies huh.

because i'm stupid.

now you know.

i hope you fking die.

no wait i hope i die.

2007-09-24T21:22:00.000+08:00

想对你说的
让他先说了
从此只能猜测
你流泪是因为快乐

想要给你的
他先给你了
从此只能附和
寂寞和爱本来能分割

祝福你是我的保护色
专心扮演朋友的角色
在你们拥抱的那一刻
我心一分为二

欺骗你是我的保护色
甘心做个爱情的弱者
真爱不是就能逃的远远的
等待是我自责

路越走越曲折
不能回头了
能伤害我的
都是我爱的
还保护什么
还保护什么

祝福你是我的保护色
专心扮演朋友的角色
在你们拥抱的那一刻
我心一分为二

欺骗你是我的保护色
甘心做个爱情的弱者
真爱不是就能逃的远远的
等待是我自责
爱你是天责

保护色-苏亦承

Ho hum... I think those words that I highlighted make perfect sense. And I love this song. Does anybody know how to play it? (: I'll fall in love with you immediately. Haha.

First day of exams. No I don't wish to talk about it. So I have been playing neopets ever since I came home which was hours and hours and hours ago. And I lost in Battledome to that stupid guy. Hmmph. TWICE.

Nevermind. Anyway, in 5 minutes' time, it's mugging session with my dearest twin. Mugging session over MSN of course. D'you reckon I can finish mugging SS in one hour? I doubt so. Especially since there's merger, founding fathers and sri lanka shit to go through. Hallelujah.

Anyway, I've got four minutes left. I kinda forgot all that I wanted to type before I opened a new post. I was too frantic searching for the lyrics to bao3 hu4 se4. I'm telling you, that's one song I doubt I'll ever get sick of.

I still wanna learn drums.

I'm being random.

I wanna watch GongZhuXiaoMei.

And The X-Family.

I should study.

YOU! JESSLYN WINATA! I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS! WHY'RE YOU READING THIS!? IT'S TIME TO MUG! MUG! MUG! Okay let's begin now. (:

Oh yeah I planned to crap out all the sri lankan shit here but maybe I won't afterall. I'm too lazy.

Good luck to everybody.

Bye. AND GO LISTEN TO THAT SONG DAMMIT. Get it from me if you really can't find it on youtube. =.=

2007-09-22T20:33:00.000+08:00

Listen to me, and listen good. There's absolutely nothing for you to worry about - you have no family problems, you have no financial problems (maybe a little), and you have a bed to sleep, toilet to shit and air to breathe. So tell me, why is it that you're not studying at all? I looked at your diary, and counted a whopping 28 times that you wrote: "I must mug" or "I must study" or "I must not let my parents down". What happened to that girl who got first in class in kindergarden? What happened to that girl that every parent wished their kid was like? What happened to that girl who got an edusave scholarship every year of her Primary School life? And don't you fking tell me it's because primary school was easy. Problem is, you already did. You really want to know why? It was because you bothered to study. It was because you weren't addicted to your computer. It was because you had good time management. It was because you paid attention in class. It was because you really wanted to get good grades; because you actually gave a shit back then.

Why are you doing this? You don't have a one-way ticket to your A levels. You have a one-way ticket to expulsion. Are you fking dead or what. Much as you ~~hate~~ dislike your maths teacher, something he said actually made sense. "When is your wake up call going to come?" Exactly. When is it going to come? Are you going to hang around in a stupid dream thinking that you'll wake up in the end and realize that everything'll be okay? Sometimes I wonder if we're really just living a dream. Well, I'm that stupid little voice in your head that you've been constraining for so long. And I need to say this: You're a failure. Go to hell.

maybe i should.

2007-09-22T16:32:00.000+08:00

Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time
;Lifehouse - Breathing

32 hours and counting.

Everyone knows, that the End-of-Year exams are in 32 hours' time. Or possibly even less. So why am this witch (give or take a letter) still not studying? The only reasonable reason she can come up with, is that her life has gone haywire like a freight train being driven by a drunk bear. What else can explain her lack of motivation and constant sense of wanting to die? Then again, maybe she should die.

2007-09-17T20:31:00.000+08:00

When you try doing your homework for the first time since the start of 2007, and you realize that you don't understand half of what you're supposed to do, and reading the notes don't help at all, then you'll be struck with the sudden realization that maybe you should study. Later on, you wonder why you never study, and some little voice in your head shouts, "Hey! That's the reason why you never ever manage to pass your physics and you're always failing it so pathetically. (:"

Yeah, so anyway, I tried doing my physics assignments since I'm pretty sure that my cher will come after me with a toothpick sometime or other if I don't. Basically, I didn't know how to do anything. Well, except for those where you can copy wholesale from the notes and grin like you did everything yourself, and since I label doing 2 questions as 'completing the assignment', I think I finished my work very fast. Yeah. Especially since I took more than 2 hours for four questions.

So I was just thinking, what's the point, of learning kinetic theory of matter? What's the point of learning about molecules. I mean, as long as you have air to breathe, water to drink, food to eat, shit to shit and a bed to sleep, why learn about the tiny little molecules that are applying pressure to your bed by colliding with it, moving about rapidly and randomly in short, sharp paths in an erratic manner. Or something like that. All I can remember is that I kept drawing Bubbles from PPG during that lesson because he kept mentioning the word 'bubbles'.

'twas fun. I should draw more Bubble(s) and the other two girls. I like Buttercup more. But I like Han the best. Yeah.

2007-09-16T17:06:00.000+08:00

I am, very bored. I'm still not studying. I deserve to die.

1. The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
Not waiting for anyone to call me now.

2. When shopping at the grocery store,do you return your cart?
What am I? A cart stealer?

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed again, would you?
I think the last person I kissed was... wasn't a person?

4. Do you take compliments well?
Not really. I get horribly irritated.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
At the start of the year, in every MSN conversation with Winnie. Haha!

6. If abandoned alone in thewilderness would you survive?
I don't think so, actually. I'm a pretty pampered kid.

7. If your house were on fire, what would be the first thing you would save?
My parents and my dog.

8. Who was the last person you slept in the bed with?
My bolster. Is a person.

9. Who do you text the most?
-

10. Favorite childrens book?
Ehs. I like Aladdin. Because I want that freaking genie.

11. Eye color?
Dark brown?

12. How tall are you?
167cm. Just 3 more cm to go. D:

13. If you could do it over again,start from scratch, would you?
Yes I would. I'd force myself to become a nerd.

15. When was the last time you were at Botanic Garden?
Isn't it supposed to be 'gardens' not 'garden'? When I was in primary 3 I think.

16. Favorite ex..?
I don't have an ex.

17. Where was the furthest place youtraveled?
Malaysia. I'M NOT KIDDING.

18. Do you like mustard?
Never eaten it :/

19. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Sleep.

21. Do you miss anyone?
Claire ): The class seems so different without her.

22. Can you do splits?
Yeah, back in primary 2.

23. What movie do you want to see right now?
Watch. Not see. And I wanna watch Evan Almighty, seems quite funny.

24. What did you do for New Years Eve?
I can't... remember?

25. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
Never watched it.

26. Do you own a camera phone?
I own 4.

27. Are you a cheerleader?
I can cheer.

28. Whats the last letter of yourmiddle name?
Middle name? Sing Li Lin. Go figure.

29. Are you hispanic?
Ehs? What's that?

31. Do you like care bears?
I like the gray one with the storm cloud on its tummy. [: What's it called?

32. What do you buy at the Movies?
NACHOS!!! GAWWWWWWWWWWWD. Clarine!!!~ No I don't buy clarine.

33. Do you know how to play poker?
Nope.

34. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Er yeah. I don't want to die in a freak accident. I could name you a hundred other more creative ways to die like not studying and getting expelled from RV.

35. What do you wear to sleep?
I'd say nothing; but I'd be lying.

36. Anything big ever happen in your CITY?
Sure. They make big fusses out of every little thing.

37. Is your hair straight or curly?
Straight.

38. Is your tongue pierced?
No.

39. Do you like Liver and Onions?
NO! YUCK. YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK. Damn I sound fking childish.

40. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Different situations need different people. I don't want a funny guy at my funeral.

41. Ever been to L.A.?
Never.

42. Who is on your mind right now?
HANNNNN! :D I wanna watch X-family. :)

43.Any plans 4 tonight?
Force myself to do my work. And suicide.

44. Whats your fav. song at the moment?
Erm quite alot? But I'd name:
#1. I don't wanna miss a thing - Aerosmith
#2. Better than me - Hinder
#3. What hurts the most - Rascal Flatts

45. Do you hate chocolate?
No! Who hates chocolate!?

46. What do you and your parents fightabout the most?
My studies...

47. Are you a gullible person?
Sometimes.

48. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
No. No. No.

49. If you could have any job what would it be?
I wanna be a model. ;) Kidding. I don't know.

50. Are you easy to get along with?
What d'you think?

51. What is your favorite time of day?
Night.

52. Are you generally a happy person?
I can get pretty high. LAWL.

Tagged:
#1. BUNNY! (don't think she'd do it)
#2. Beryl! (I'll force her to do it.)
#3. Xinmun :D
#4. Alastair? (Because I think he asked me to mention him again)
#5. Eh. Jack.

2007-09-16T14:51:00.000+08:00

Take a good, long look at that picture. Don't you find those drums freaking fabulous? I tried learning to drum. They actually have a website to teach you that, y'know? Well, considering the fact that I couldn't understand half of what they were teaching, there really was no point in me trying desperately to learn. I should have done my four still blank physics assignments.

Guess what? I woke up telling myself I should do my homework. I should mug. But unfortunately, I'm a shit-faced arsewipe who cannot be bothered to motivate myself to study. ~~Is doing two questions and getting them both wrong counted?~~ Yes, I'm an unfilial child and I disappoint my parents. I don't deserve such wonderful parents and I should just go jump off the top of the PSA building 9 times. I was just thinking, how am I going to get a GPA of 3.0 when I can't even be bothered to start studying. Maybe I should let myself get expelled. And further wreck my parents' hearts. Hell yeah. I'm the most selfish kid around the place. Deal with it.

Does it matter what that I actually can do anything I want so long as I put my mind to it? I have a good mind, the palm-reader said so about *counts* 8 years ago.

He also said I'd break alot of hearts. Or something along those lines. I remember my parents laughing away when they regurgitated what he said to me; and I also remember whacking my dad when he laughed at me. D: But how can he laugh when someone just said his daughter was a potential murderer? Well not exactly but still...

Oh yeah the palm-reader also said something like if I get a divorce, I'll go find another guy almost immediately. That makes me sound so trashy, gawd. But as long as the guy is rich... And I don't have to sleep with him, why not? In case you were wondering why I suddenly switched topics, I suddenly thought of my conversation with Bunny yesterday.

But that wasn't the point, nevermind. Anyway, ripped another quiz off Xinmun's blog. Mwahaha.

Stupidity Quiz.

[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.

[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.

[x] You have ran into a glass/screendoor. Before you burst out laughing, I want to add that I walked into it twice.

[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. And nearly gave my poor uncle the first and last heart attack of his life. I needed the toilet okay!

[ ] You have thought of something funny and laughed, people gave you weird looks.

[x] When you were biking, you ran into a tree/bush/people. I ran into the bush. It was a fun experience.

[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.

[ ] You JUST tried to lick your elbow. That's an old old trick.

[ ] You never knew that ABC and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune.

[ ] You just tried to sing them.

[x] You have tripped on your shoelace ~~and fallen~~. Almost. I said almost!

[x] You have choked on your own spit.

[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it. Didn't even bother watching it. Whatever people say, I still think Keanu Reeve sucks. Wait, is his name spelled like that?

[ ] Your hair is naturally blonde.

[x] People have called you slow.

[x] You have accidentally/purposely caught something on fire.

[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes. Is that possible?!

[x] You have caught yourself drooling.

[x] You've fallen asleep in class. All the time...

[ ] Sometimes you just stop thinking. My mind is a horribly overworked machine.

[x] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about. Half the time, actually.

[x] People sometimes shake their heads and walk away from you.

[ ] You are often told to use your "inside voice".

[x] You use your fingers to do simple math.

[x] You have eaten a bug. It was an accident.

[x] You're quizzing when you should be doing sth more important. Of course. I should be doing my physics assignments now.

[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it. My fking P.E shorts! Thank goodness CheeHooi told me. LOL!

[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was right by you.

[ ] You've woken somewhere else and freaked cos you didn't rmb where you were.

[ ] You've reposted bulletins cos you were scared bad stuff would happen to you.

[x] You break a lot of things.

[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you.

[x] You tilt your head or make a weird face when you're confused. If that's called stupid, the whole damn world is fking stupid.

[x] You have fallen out of your chair before.

[x] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling.

[ ] The word "umm" is used many times a day. I don't use 'umm'. There're other words like 'er', 'eh' or 'uh'.

22/36 which is basically 61%? Hey, I'm not all that stupid afterall.

I think I should really go do my physics assignments or my physics cher will come after me with the sharpest icicle he can find in Singapore, plunge it through my chest a gazillion trillion jillion times and let it melt to get rid of evidence.

Good riddance,

Li Lin aka Kitty

P.S: Morbidly Obese Red Waddling Holy Shit. [: Don't ask.

P.P.S: Quit griping about the lack of a tagboard. I still stick steadfastedly to my decision to not have a tagboard.

2007-09-15T22:38:00.000+08:00

I should be doing something more productive like my 4 totally blank physics assignments but unless I dedicate this post to that girl I met earlier on, I will remain so royally pissed off that I may burst into smithereens.

To that lovely young woman I met:

I couldn't care less about what you think about me. What I give a shit about is what insult you delivered to my mother. No, I didn't think I'd notice anything, especially not when you blatantly pointed to her and declared, "That woman in the red shirt." Yeah, I'm that blind. I wouldn't have noticed. What you said, was so fking disrespectful and ridiculous, that I refuse to repeat it, not even on my blog, which is vulgar enough as it is. Therefore, I shall instead focus on what you said to me, when I retaliated with a mere glare. Which I really must admit was simply pathetic and so unlike me.

I am thankful to the people down there and Buddha up there for making that little voice in my head remind me that my mother was nearby and I should not pick a fight with it. If I could have my way, hun, you'd be nursing a very sore bruise and a very pleasant scratches now. But if I did do what I was sorely tempted to do, I'd be in deeper shit than you after I'm through. Because my mother didn't hear what you said, and would have probably murdered me alive for trying to maim you for life.

So I'm a "stupid act cool bitch" and you "hate people like that" huh? Well, yeah. I love you too, sweetheart. Yup, you and your non-existent clothes; as well as your little posse of ~~ugly~~pretty princesses. Oh, I'm insulting you by the way, in case your brain was unable to process that simple piece of information. Wait, what brain? And I really must say this. Remember that sumo wrestler on the Dulux paint advertisement? I'd be doing him injustice if I said you were as fat as him. C'mon! If you have thighs that are about as fat as mine, don't wear a mini tube dress which does nothing but accentuate your sexy curves. Yes, sexy curves that reminded me of a hamburger with its fillings oozing out. Unless your beauty is comparable to that of the person at the beginning of my post, maybe then I will take steps to ignore your body.

Can't stand the way I glared at you? "Stare what stare! Think I scared arh?" Then don't even think of staring back at me in the first place. One thing you should know is that you can never beat me in a fking staring competition. (Unless of course, you're someone like Ruolan whom I will forever lose to because I cannot stop laughing when I see her expression. And that was not an insult to her.) You better be thanking Hell, Heaven and Earth that I didn't gouge your eyes out (but they'd probably have fallen out on their own accord - the way they were bugging out). If you thought that made you look fiercer and more intimidating, you were wrong. You made me feel like laughing my ass off at the amusing way you were embarrassing yourself despite the fact that I was already fuming.

Next time, think twice before something insulting fall from your lips. A less merciful person would have mutilated you. And I wish they would. Don't be so naive as to think that I was afraid of you. If I ever meet you again, Hell help me, because I'd be praying that my mother wasn't around. I promise to deliver my blows fervently with such enthusiasm and energy that you probably won't be able to recognize yourself in the mirror. I can't deny that I don't make empty promises, but this is one promise that I will keep.

And one last thing: Hating me won't make you pretty.

Yours sincerely,
Li Lin

P.S: Well, perhaps you could be pretty. But then again, who can tell under those layers of Dulux wall paint you smeared on your face?

2007-09-09T17:13:00.000+08:00

Yes, I promise never to use a quiz as a blog post again but damn. I'm just too fking bored okay?

Name 25 people

1.Jesslyn; BUNNY!
2.Beryl
3.XiangYun
4.ZhaoQinyu
5.Ruolan
6.Siyao
7.XinMun
8.Wanting; Tingg!
9.Fenghan; Fengg!
10.Suyu
11.Valerie GOHHHH :D
12.ShuHui
13.Winnie
14.Clarine
15.Alastair; simply because Clarine's before him.
16.Eileen; TURTSYYY
17.Jaslin
18.YiLing
19.ShuYing
20.Jack
21.DingJie
22.Wilfred
23.Ningyi
24.Bingle
25.Olivia

What is an inside joke with #7?
XinMun; ehhs, do I have an inside joke with you?

What about #22?
Wilfred; Don't think so? LOL.

Would you go out with #12?
ShuHui; Hell yes!

What's one word that describes #5?
Ruolan; LeiKeSi.

Would #4 look good with #25?
Qinyu/Olivia; Hahaha no. I don't think they even know each other.

Would you go out with #19?
ShuYing; Definitely. Who doesn't want to go out with a chiobu? :D

When is #11's birthday?
Valerie; If I didn't remember wrongly... It's 23rd December. Ohgawd I'm such a bitch. *stabs self* I've known her for 15 years?

Are #3 and #25 BEST friends?
XiangYun/Olivia; Why so many #25? Erm, not exactly.

Have you ever liked #21?
DingJie; No. Haha.

Have you ever liked #13?
Winnie; Of course man.

Have you ever liked #6?
Siyao; 桃子！Hell yes. She's my les partner. o.O

Can you tell #17 anything?
Jaslin; I'm not that close to her, but yeah I guess I could.

How much do you love #4?
Qinyu; Hmm... that's a hard question. I love her with all my heart?

How do you know #20?
Jack; Ex-classmates.

How'd you meet #18?
YiLing; 1Abz'05 & 2Affinity'06!

What word comes to your mind when you hear #23's name?
Ningyi; CSM!

Have you ever had a crush on #11?
Valerie; Since the time I met her, which was about 14 and 3/4 years ago.

What about #2?
Beryl; I raped her last year. What d'you think?

Do you think #10 is hot?
Suyu; About as hot as anything.

What's one word that describes #15?
Alastair; Barney! Haha stupid horny dinosaur.

What do you think #9 will be when he/she grows up?
Fengg; I don't know, my wife? D:

Give one random fact about #16.
Eileen; Ehhs, I love her.

And #8.
Tingg; She's got many admirers! *hinthint*

And what about #1?
Bunny; She's my darling twin. :D

and #24?
Bingle; Fking nice commanding voice. So loud for what!

What song does #14 relate to?
Clarine; High School Never Ends by Bowling For Soup (Ehhs, Turts?)

What movie could #3 be in?
Xiangyun; She'd be the mommy. (:

What famous person does/should #7 meet?
XinMun; F... Famous person? CALVIN CHENYIRU! DAMN.

What do you think of #10?
Suyu; ...

Would #7 make a good couple with #16?
XinMun/Eileen; They don't know each other but I reckon they'd be too busy laughing away to give a shit about love.

What about #23 and #5?
Ningyi/Ruolan; This isn't fun. How come there're no guy/girl pairings? Erm, don't think so.

And #2 and #20?
Beryl/Jack; Definitely. I'll be the first one to celebrate with streamers and champagne! Ohshit, they better not see this. ~~Fat Chance.~~

Have you ever gone out with #9?
Fengg; She's my dearest #4. Of course!

What about #20?
Jack; Ehhhs. No.

Has #4 ever liked you?
ZhaoQinyu; Yeah. I think she's in love with me. (:
XIATIANxHAN!

What about #19?
ShuYing; C'mon lah. What kind of shit question is this? Everyone loves me.

Do you know anyone who likes #24?
Bingle; *cough*#25*cough*

Is #3 your friend? Why?
Xiangyun; Duh. If she wasn't my friend, why the fk would she be on the list?

What # should #11 go out with next?
Valerie; Hmm... How would I know?

Done. Oh that's sad. I don't mind doing another one, really.

2007-09-05T20:19:00.001+08:00

"Why did you do it?" She crumpled at the doorway, curling herself into a tight ball as they took him away. "Why?!" Her tears poured like there was no tomorrow, while her heart shattered into a million shards, to be scattered across the ground, to be trodden underfoot...

As the two men clad in navy blue nudged him forwards roughly, he looked back, to see the sight of her devastated face. He stumbled forwards, turning his head away from the heart-wrenching sight. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tilted his face upwards, controlling the tears that threatened to spill. His own heart broke, as her wracking sobs tore through the silence of the night.

Those anguished cries were soon masked, as the police car engine geared up and sped off into the darkness, its sirens at full blast.

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be

He looked around the bare, gray walls of his cell. Running callused fingers over the rough cement floor, images of her flashed through his mind. Her tinkling laugh, her radiant smile, her sparkling eyes, and her undying love for him... A single warm tear found its way down his cheek, falling to the ground. He sank back on his haunches, leaning his shaven head against the wall.

All the things he had said to her, and all the promises he had made. Were they worth breaking, for the pathetic amount of cash in return? It was no wonder that she had lost her trust in him. He lied to her.

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

A cool breeze tickled his cheek. The figure clad simply in a black shirt and worn jeans squinted his eyes against the bright sunlight. The prison warden smiled warmly at the man, a smile that he gladly returned.

He dragged his feet along the pavement, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. He wanted to go back, to see her beautiful face, to pull her into his arms and to never let go... But he knew he could not. He could never face her ever again - not after what he had done to her. Walking in silence, he hailed a cab and got in, conveying the address of their apartment to the driver.

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room

The blue paint on the door was peeling, and the windows had a thick layer of dust. Frowning, he walked closer, when the truth hit him. There was nobody living inside, despite the fact that the graying welcome mat was still in its rightful place. Where had she gone? A white-haired old lady shuffled up to the door of the next apartment. She paused and turned to look at him inquiringly.

"Hello, young man, may I help you?" Her smile was pleasant, and she looked at him with kind eyes. He returned her a shaky smile of his own.

"Do you know the lady who used to live here, ma'am?" He was startled that he would even bother asking that question. "Did she move away?"

"Oh... Yes, I do. She moved away five years ago. I met the woman a few times after I shifted to live with my daughter, but she left a little while after that," she replied thoughtfully. "Is there any reason why you're looking for her now?"

"No. Thank you, ma'am." Five years... That was when I was taken away by the cops...

She gave him one last smile and unlocked the door to her own apartment. He watched her enter the apartment before turning to leave, kicking at the mat as he went. The mat shifted, to reveal a dirtied piece of paper. Bending down, he picked up the paper. It wasn't a piece of paper after all, it was a photograph.

It was a younger him; a happier him. He had an arm slung around her slim shoulders, their faces lit up with ecstatic smiles. It had been taken on their anniversary when they were at their favorite hangout - behind the brick wall near the river. Four days before her birthday. Four days before he left. Carefully, he folded it and slid it into his pocket.

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

She glanced at the calendar, one arm wrapped protectively around her daughter's shoulder. Her daughter looked up at her with innocent eyes, cradling her doll in her arms. A older woman entered the room to catch her daughter looking wistfully at the calender. A disapproving frown crossed her face.

"Girl, you have to stop thinking about that irresponsible guy."

"Mum..."

"He burgled a house, dear! And he left you with dear Angie all alone!"

"I..."

"Forget about him, he isn't worth it. C'mere Angie dear. We'll go bake some cookies..."

She watched her mother bring her daughter to the kitchen in silence. Maybe her mother was right. She should forget about him. The doorbell rang.

"Could you get the door, sweetheart?" Her mother called from the kitchen. She got up and crossed the floor to the closed door. Opening it, she saw nobody there. A glance down though, and there was an envelope.

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend...
I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end

Dear Jesslyn,

I did it, because I loved you.

Love always,
Damien

"Why did you leave... again...?" It was a familiar side, as Jesslyn crumpled to the ground in a heap, tears trickling down her cheeks. She let loose a mirthless laugh when the photo of them fell from the envelope. "You promised you would never leave..."

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

"I did it... Because I wanted to buy you a ring."

Damien sat atop the brick wall where they took their last photo. He picked up a stone and flung it out towards the river, watching it ripple the water's smooth surface.

"I'm leaving you... Because you deserve much better than me."

.End.

2007-09-04T12:29:00.000+08:00

Scroll down, to the post dated September 02

And now I wonder what was the point of me writing so much, or typing so much, when I can't even bring myself to look at my worksheets? ~~Or when I can blow everything with one big mighty sneeze.~~

That's right, yours truly is sick again. I'm telling you, this is like a monthly curse. And no, I don't mean the curse specially designed for the female Homo Sapiens. Wait, for all the females of every species actually. Right, I think I'm getting horrifically off-track.

Anyway, I'm not making it up. I'm falling sick every single month. My screwed up antibodies should have been working harder during schooling days rather than during the holidays when I have a footdrill competition coming up. My voice pretty much sounds like crap and I happen to be the commander. Everyone, please cheer now. Hallelujah.

*Cough Splutter Gasp*

That was me trying to breath after coughing for a full 30 seconds. I better get well soon by the competition date... or this demented cat will blow the entire school away with her mighty sneezing skills. (Well, ain't that good?) I want to study, but I'm not in the mugging mood. And neither am I in the blogging mood actually. Alright, I'll quit talking shit and go off to watch ZhongJiYiJia. No, I can't. SOMEONE'S lurking about in my room.

I will start studying after lunch.

Yes I will.

I swear I will.

And I hope I don't break this promise to myself. ):

Tatas,

LiLin

2007-09-03T11:01:00.000+08:00

What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother meI can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you

That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....

2007-09-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think I have the greatest parents. They always give in to me, and I always get what I want.

When I was 8, I wanted to learn that stupid Chinese Orchestra instrument for unknown reasons that I clearly forgot. I begged and begged and I got it in the end.

When I was 10, I wanted the FurReal pet dog. I asked for it and I got it... 3 weeks later.

When I was 12, I asked for a dog, I got him in the end (a year later); I asked for a TV in my room, I got it in the end; I asked for a new MP3, I got it in the end; I was dying for that Chocolate LG phone (which I thought I probably would never get), I got it in the end. Now I'm requesting for drum lessons. Which I probably will get in the end.

And that is why I simply loathe myself to the core sometimes. I never seem to be able to appreciate the fact that I've got the most wonderful parents in the whole fucked-up world.

I can't appreciate the fact that I have a father who doesn't smoke/drink/gamble his whole life away, a mother who cooks/cleans/washes my clothes for me.

I can't appreciate the fact that I have parents who do everything just to make sure I have a good life.

I can't appreciate the fact that they started putting money monthly into my bank account ever since I was a bloody baby just so I can have money to go to university.

I can't appreciate the fact that they buy me practically everything I want regardless of what it is.

I can't appreciate the fact that they haven't murdered me yet for my stupid tantrums and my horrible temper.

I can't appreciate the fact that I have great parents who love me.

And I'm fking angry at myself for all that. I'm screwing my life up, and I'm screwing up everything that they have done for me. I'm screwing up what they wanted me to do - to have a good education and have a good job. Look at this fked up bitch sitting down in front of a laptop, updating her blog when she really should be revising her work.

I failed my physics, I failed my chemistry and I almost failed my maths. My english and elit, which were supposedly my best subjects, dropped by 3 damned grades (A1 to B4). I got a GPA of 2.2. Flipping back to the past few entries in my diary, I suddenly realized just how many times I wanted desperately to "Study hard and get good grades". I also discovered, that one of my New Year resolutions was to not let my parents down. At this rate, I feel remorseful that in the end, I will let them down.

Maybe I should quit thinking about drumming lessons and concentrate on my studies instead.

Maybe I should quit falling asleep in class and start actually PAYING ATTENTION to the teacher.

Maybe I should quit dreaming about being a writer when the grades of my supposedly best subject is falling as quickly as an elephant being pushed off the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Maybe I should quit being a bitch who's all talk and no action.

D'you think I can do it? I don't know. Because all I know now is that I'm fking CRYING because the horrible realization of what I'm doing to my parents is dropping like a bomb on me. Yeah. That's right.

Bye,

LiLin

P.S: No, this statement is still not a promt for you to tell me to put up a bloody tagboard. How many times do you want me to repeat that, BARNEY?

2007-08-31T20:56:00.001+08:00

You know how sometimes things happen so quickly, that you don't even know what's going on? That's kinda how I felt yesterday when Claire left. I doubt she'll read this, but Claire: If you're reading this somewhere in another part of the world, we're all missing you already. ):

It all seemed pretty normal when we met up with her at the airport, and there wasn't even a single tear hovering anywhere near my eyelids. Okay, I can't deny that I didn't have that twitching feeling of wanting to burst into tears, but I just couldn't squeeze a single drop of H2O out. Yet the moment she stepped through the checkpoints, there was no way I could stop the tears from flowing like no tomorrow. And suddenly, she was gone just like that. Maybe it's going to be just one year, and she'll be back, but I wonder if I will remember her. Like I said, life moves on so quickly, that we barely have time to breath and take a look at what's actually going on. Soon enough, 12 months will have passed, and we'll see her again. I just wonder how long 12 months will seem to me.

Now, Miss Koh's going to leave for HongKong too. This year's the last year we're ever going to see her again. I can only thank Buddha that I didn't storm out of the school in a fit of anger afterall, because the moment I put down my phone, I finally spotted her. It's kinda ridiculous, thinking about it now. Why did I bother wasting my time waiting for her when I could have been doing other things? But it probably is the memories of Chinese lessons back in Primary 6. I can admit that I didn't like the subject; but I cannot deny that I don't like the teacher. She's been a great teacher and I feel envious of the students in HongKong who're going to be put under her guidance. Once again, that's going to happen way too fast for me to even realize that she's no longer in Singapore, back at Radin Mas Primary. Happy Teachers' Day to her anyway.

On to my next topic...

Alright, there's no main topic. I'm just going to rant about the unfairness of life. (Then again, who ever said life was fair?) I left RMPS to go to Vivo with Clarine, Beryl, XiangYun and Eileen to watch Rush Hour 3. That stupid movie has been put off for 3 fking times between me and Clarine. In the end, we still didn't get to watch it. Why, you ask. Well, direct your question to the people down there who're having fun at my expense, toying with my precious time. The stupid movie tickets were SOLD OUT. Damn. Helloooo? I've been wanting to watch that damn show ever since Harry Potter was out. I wasted an entire fking day which I had wanted to use for watching a movie. That would have been a more meaningful thing to do than to wander around a vast expanse of empty space like lost ghosts. So I did see many adorable doggies, what then? I really, really, really want to watch Rush Hour 3. It's so bloody hilarious. I need a good laugh. (Although I can get that just by having a meal with those 4 people.)

~~Anybody want to watch with me someday?~~

Finally:

Happy Teachers' Day to all the teachers.

Yeah right!

Probably 99% percent of said human population do not deserve it. Why are people willing to splash cold, hard cash onto presents for people who still CATCH ME FOR MY SKIRT ON TEACHERS' DAY? Okay, that's not the point. There are some teachers who really are good, and do deserve our gratitude. But then there are some, who can just walk out of our lives, and we'll all sing "Hallelujah."

Teachers enjoy dumping work to us. So what if they have papers to mark? So what if they need to 'put in effort to organize class activities' for us? Some jobs are simply not meant for students to do. If we really were that capable, what are you here for? You talk about how you understand how we feel. Do you really?

Okay man. I don't know what the fk I'm talking about here. See, that's why I don't want to bring my blog back to life. I keep losing steam over what I wanted to say and end up trailing off. Yaye. But the performance put up today was really great. Except for a few rather crippled ones, but still... (DAMN! FISHY WAS VERY SEXY TODAY! AND NICOLE! Right, I don't exactly know her but she totally blew me away.) In Eileen's words: When I stepped into LT1, my body temperature rose. I think I was sweating. I think dance society really outdid themselves today. The guys were drool-worthy shuai and the girls were drop-dead hot. For today.

Anyway, that hot babe up there in that picture? That's Han. 寒。Chio, yes? *glares at those who shake their heads* YOU BETTER SAY SHE'S CHIO! Or I'll ask my four boyfriends to beat you up; namely: Mr.Left Arm, Mr.Right Arm, Mr.Left Leg and Mr.Right Leg. From this, you can just tell how bloody self-delusionalized I am.

But speaking about relationships... I really do think there's someone I like now. Someone so dastardly good-looking and perfect. Someone whose hands I believe I can lay my life in. Someone whom I could stare at all day long and never get sick of. Someone I think I actually... love?

Gawd...

What were you thinking? It's not what you think! I believe I'm turning lesbian, actually. x)

That person... is Han! Okay, I was crapping all that 'I like that person' shit. Slap yourself if you really fell for it! Hahahaha! Dang, wish I could see the looks on your faces. Riiiight, I'm being very high now. That's such a big contrast from my earlier mood. Is it really that easy to tell? Keke.

Bye,

LiLin

P.S: People, go and watch The X-Family, and you'll KNOW why I like her.

P.P.S: By the way, people who see that necklace she's wearing selling on the streets or something... I'll kiss you if you buy it for me. Mwahaha!

HELLO.

2007-08-30T22:39:00.000+08:00

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

After much encouragement (maybe not) from my friends, I've made this earth-shattering, ground-breaking decision to revive my dead blog. I guess it wasn't seriously deleted when I said I deleted it on my birthday. Well, it's back, and that's all that matters.

If you have anything to say, I apologize, but I probably won't be putting up a tagboard, unless I get many many buggers or something. Anyway, anything negative to say about my blog? Say it to my face, yeah.

I will update some other day. I spent a full 2 hours searching for a bloody blogskin. And I couldn't find any nice ones. Heck, I don't even think THIS blogskin is nice - but it'll do. The girl's pretty anyway. Not as pretty as Han of course, but well... I'll upload Han's photo someday so that everyone can fall at the feet of her ethereal prettiness. No, I won't say she's beautiful because really, she isn't. But she is the prettiest girl my damned eyes have ever seen.

Right, crapping over, "welcome-back-to-the-blogging-world" speech done... I can go now. If you're wondering what song lyrics are those, it's Aerosmith's 'I Don't Want To Miss A Thing'. I'll put the song on my blog sometime or other. Or maybe in a few minutes.

Goodnight, and have a nice night.

Bye,
LiLin aka Kitty

It's always my fault.

2007-05-28T15:09:00.000+08:00

“You only want your father and I to quarrel don’t you? You’ll only be happy if we divorce right. Because of you, we always quarrel. Because of you I have to look after this dog. One day I’ll work to my death then maybe you’ll feel guilty. But actually you’ll be happy right because there’s no one to scold you anymore. You only think of yourself.”

I never said anything like that. Did I? I finger the sharp edge of the knife. Silent, I mull over whether the chopper would hurt more or would a razor blade draw more blood?

“I thought you’re watching a movie on Monday with Jesslyn already? Still want to watch for what? Everytime also got excuses.”

I draw the knife over my skin. It resisted. Say, is my skin really that thick? I muse.

“Didn’t I say that if you fail ay subjects I’m going to lock you up and you will stay at home and study? And that you’re not allowed to go out?”

I press harder. A little red bead escape from the route it always takes. The blood coursing through my veins stops, excited to see a new opening. It takes the risk and pushes through the cut. I’m bleeding! I smirk.

“Because of you, we now have to spend a few hundred dollars a month on tuition.”

Pretty ruby river trickling down my arm. I giggle. The knife is stained.

“Don’t give me that face! Look at me when I’m talking!”

Oooh look, there’s a pretty red rose on my shirt! And it’s getting bigger, and bigger. That’s weird. Ah, more roses! Why is my shirt turning red? Wasn’t it white?

“If one day I walk out and I see you with your boyfriend, you just wait and see what I’ll do to you…”

I stand up and walk out of the house. That voice irks me immensely.

Cars. So many of them. Whizzing past me. I smile. Their headlights flash in the dark dark night. Tell me that’s so pretty.

“What are you doing?! Where do you think you’re going? I’m not done!”

Doors slam.

Tables turn.

Chairs fall.

She’s coming after me.

He’s coming after me.

Everyone’s out to get me.

I should run.

“Stop! There’s a car!”

Blood. I can feel it all over me. I lick my lips. The coppery taste of blood lingers on my tongue. I hear a giggle. Wait, that sounds like me. It’s getting noisy, the air’s getting stuffy. I hear people talking loudly.

The noise! The noise! I squeeze my eyes tight shut.

“Why are you so stupid?!”

You know what? Maybe I won’t be the one with a guilty conscience; I’ll be the one in hell laughing my ass off instead.

And while I laugh I’ll be suffering like whatever in hell since suicide is one of the biggest sins but hey… I think that pain is worth it.

whatever

2007-05-21T20:47:00.001+08:00

Right now, i just feel like dying. Don't talk to me, I won't bother replying.

-im never going to be good enough for you.-

2007-05-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone. ((:

Long time no update and I'm really sorry for that. Anyway, got my results back and OMG I tell you just how much they fking suck. I failed my PHYSICS with a really really pathetic 13.5/70. I own lah thanksalot. Failed my maths too. 23/60. WOOHOO~ okay results are such depressing subjects so I shall change the subject. Which leads me to my next topic...

Er... Which leads me to my next topic which is....

No topic?

Apparently this 43-year-old woman was killed by a falling tree today. :/ Kinda saddening for these kind of things to happen. Makes me wonder when and how my last day on earth is going to be. Is it going to be like hers? Just jogging happily one day when suddenly there's this horrible storm and the wind blows and blows and CRASH! This tree comes toppling down on me and the next thing I know, someone's identifying my body.

OR

I could be sitting in class one day next to a window when some crazy people outside playing volley/basket/foot ball kick the bloody ball towards the window and PIANG! It cracks and shatters and the glass shards pierce me and I die of severe blood loss or something. What a damn ridiculous way to die. I want to die pretty ok. LOL.

OR

There's another news about this 17-year-old youth murdering his mother in her sleep and chopping off her head then carrying it to the police post to confess to the crime. Disturbing, yes? Things like these are getting so common. Just like that korean guy who killed so many innocent people. Just like all the cases of teenagers killing their friends, classmates. But I suppose they have a reason for killing the people. Still, internal conflicts aren't a very valid reason in court for murder. Neither is mental health. When you kill someone, you killed someone. And that can never be denied, no matter what reasons you give. Gawd, what am I talking about now?

Okay change of topic. So everybody, I recently finished watching this Taiwanese idol drama starring 3 members of Fahrenheit. Calvin Chen, Jiro Wang and Arron Yan. *swoons* Haha alright I admit part of the reason why I watched was because of the eye-candy available but honestly, the plot is pretty good. And I love how cool calvin is when he doesn't smile and how cute he is when he does. And Jiro is basically sexy throughout the whole show. And Arron is just plain shuai. *takes a deep breath*

Ahaha so I urge everyone to go and watch it on Youtube or something. And when you get to the last few episodes and if you're an emo kia like me who cries at every single touching scene, you better prepare a few boxes of tissues ready cos you'll probably cry like crazy when Ya Se and Wu Xiong... Okay you probably don't even know what I'm talking about. And I just realized I haven't even mentioned the title of the show. It's called KO ONE aka Zhong Ji Yi Ban. I'm crazy over that show. First time in my life I'm so crazy over a show. Like wow.

Ehhh pei4 he2 abit also cannot ah?

"EVERYBODY SAY WOW!!!"

"..."

"Nevermind..."

Once again I mention, talking to oneself is a sure sign of madness. Uh huh.

Sian.

SC elections again. Useless event which wastes our time every morning. Eh no, maybe not, because we get to gather in the hall instead of on the track where we stand throughout the entire crap shit. ((:

Ohwells nothing much to crap le. And I finally updated so BEGLAD.

<33
lilin aka kitty. :DD

P.S: Felt kinda weird taking CCA today. :/

P.P.S: I WANNA LEARN DRUMMING OKAY. MY PARENTS SIMPLY R.E.F.U.S.E TO LET ME LEARN. ~~you mean a girl is supposed to like lace and must not exert unnecessary force on drums?!~~

P.P.S: I forgot what I wanted to say. =.= Ah yes, goodluck to the National Comp team. :DDD Ningyi Stella Yeeshuang Lynette. DO RV PROUD! YAY!! And the guys team. But I don't know who's in sorry. ><

2007-05-07T17:29:00.000+08:00

飞轮海-出口

红着眼你轻轻碰我的手
对不起你喃喃地说
我的难过不只你又伤了我
还有你变得这样擅长认错

叹息沉默加泪水和疲倦
怎么会爱只剩这一些

是不是时间把人变得傻了点
明明有过快乐却忘了怀念

如果我可以不再迷恋
迷恋你在怀中幸福的香味

也许就能够不再有期待
期待你回来约好的未来

我听着你说爱我
感觉却如此寂寞
笑容只维持几秒
就变酸了
此刻我只想找一个出口
逃离这混乱荒谬爱不爱
改天再说
我想你真的爱我
但我也真的很痛
不然不会连亲吻
都苦苦的
哪里才会有离开你的出口
可是我离开以后能往哪里走

听着你说好爱我
感觉却不是感动
这一次拥抱以后
还有没有谁能告诉我
哪里有出口
能让我逃出这个
我快沉没的漩涡
就算真找到出口

I'm obsessed with Fahrenheit (Fei Lun Hai) suddenly. Weird. :/

2007-04-29T17:17:00.000+08:00

ok ignore this post ok i's not here for your entertainment it's just here for me to revise my chem so forgive me for any grammatical/punctuation errors im not gonna bother checking em yea.

Appearance of unknown:

pink-hydrated Mn2+ and hydrated Co2+. for solutions is Mn2+ ions and Co2+ ions.

orange-K2Cr2O7 and Pb3O4. for solutions is Cr2O7- ions.

yellow-an ugly color. no. er. yes. PbO, HOT ZnO which turns white when it cools. AgI and PbI2. And Cr2O3. i think. no wait. i check. ah yes im right, eh no im not. it's PbCrO4.OHNO?!

green-hydrated Ni2+ hydrated Fe2+ hydrated CuCl3 CuCO3 Cr(CO3)3 Cr2O3

colors still got what colors? ohshat.

blue- Cu2+... salts. hydrated. anhydrous Co2+. er. solutions. Cu2+ ions.

purple-nice color. eh. wtf. KMnO4 (: solution is MnO4-

black-Iodide crystals. CoO FeO CuO MnO2+ yes.

brown-i cant remember. fk.

yellowish brown-Fe3+? for soltion. hydrated FeCl3.

reddish brown-fuck. wait i check. Fe(OH)3

grey. alamak everything metal lah.

PINK!!!! PINK IS ALSO PURE COPPER. so pretty right.

ok. on to test for Cations.

yes my ions..

add NaOH. K+ and Na+ is no reaction. NH4+. get that when NH3 evolves on heating.

reddish brown is Fe3+ dirty green is Fe2+? Cu2+ is copper. eh is blue ppt. insoluble. everything is insoluble. no? wait. Ca2+ is not soluble. Zn2+ Al3+ Pb2+ is soluble. white ppt. yes. (:

and then there is Nh3. dots. i dont know, how? wahlau. K+ Na+ no reaction. Ca2+ also. i think. Nah4- no reaction too. uhmm. white ppt. Zn2+ and Al3+ and Pb2+ but the latter 2 are soluble. eh insoluble.

Cu2+ is blue ppt. soluble? Fe2+ is still dirty green. never bath. Fe3+ is reddish brown and insoluble. like its brother. the one who never bath.

Na2CO3. what's that please? K+ and Na+ and NH4- is no reaction. happy people eh the potassium and the sodium. always no reaction. Er. White ppt is... Ca2+ Zn2+ and Pb2+ but Al3+ is evolved from CO2? colored ppt. stays the same. yay.

whaddafuck. 3 more pages?

forget it. i give up on chemistry. it doesnt spark with me. we got no love. yea. i think i love myself more. ~~but of course~~

2007-04-22T17:22:00.000+08:00

Oh whaddafuck.

I can't believe this.

I've been online since 12.30 today.

In other words, I've been hooked on the computer, or in this case laptop, for more than 3 hours?! Well, around there I suppose.

And all the while I was playing some stupid game called Virtual Villagers or something? And the trail version was only 1hour long but I didn't close the program so managed to play for a long time. Pretty pointless game because the fking villagers totally REFUSED to do what I wanted them to do. And yes, one of those things I wanted them to do was mate. BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL GROWING SO OLD AND THE POPULATION WAS DWINDLING LAH CAN.

Errrr yea then dl-ed some game called Bella's Beauty Salon? Something along those lines. Don't ask what it's about it's so fking lame I can't believe I even dl-ed it in the first place.

So what was I doing after that? Blog surfing (like of course) and then reading fictionpress and uh... listening to the same few songs for ages. SIAN. Oh yes and surfing porn.

.
.
.
.
.
.

I'M KIDDING LAH.

Y'know what? I actually promised myself that I'd revise my coordinate geometry today. :/ But clearly, I didn't lah. ): Why can't I even keep a promise I made to myself? I really can't afford to fail through Year 3. And look here. Here I am digressing about how I should put in effort in my studies and not think I can breeze through it but on the other hand, I'm still tapping away at the keyboard rights. shit lah. I'm making myself depressed only.

Well, at least I (kinda) finished my homework yesterday when XY and Beryl came over yesterday. Did our homework, but of course we got distracted when I turned on my laptop to watch youtube. And we discovered many retarded hokkien videos. Hokkien Star Wars (which is pretty ancient), and Hokkien LOTR (pretty ancient too. I think I really lag like shit can. Er, not that shit lags. Sorry Sheila. >< )

Then we ordered McDonalds and watched pirated Mr Bean's Holiday which basically SUCKED. Because like I mentioned earlier on, it's pirated so the quality is really not good.

I'm re-addicted to Everytime by Simple Plan. I think it's so sweet lah. ): I'm pretty sure I postedthe lyrics up here once before. Okay, my posts are actually 80% lyrics I guess.

Finally bought the black and red HP pouch. Umm, actually it's red with a black zipper but nevermind. ICON. :/ I think I waste too much money. *nods*

Fk lah. I should go and study now. But am I? No.

Okay I shall turn the laptop off now. After 3hrs 15mins of being hooked on it.

<33
lilin

P.S: ~~maybe I should stop making myself depressed. Where's a penknife when I need it?~~

2007-04-18T21:06:00.000+08:00

I want to go someplace where nobody can find me.
Not even me.

-BOTTLED UP (Jaye Murray)

Screw blogger. Go read that book. It's really good. It made me cry.

Then again, I cry all the time. Sorry I forgot.

I'm going to flunk my term ass. I don't want to fail it. I want to ace it. But can I? Do you think I can? No. Do I think I can? No.

I hate failing. I want to be perfect. ~~What's perfect?~~ I tried to study, I couldn't. I just couldn't concentrate. I don't mind being a geek, a nerd. Just pleasepleaseplease don't let me fail anything this time. F9? Fk it. What am I going to do? someonepleasetellmewhattodo. I think I'm going to break down soon.

I want to cry.

Stop talking to me. Busted my phone bill. $62.20. FK STARHUB. 1000 free messages my ass. More like 500. Leaving their customer to wallow about in the bill of 1244 messages. They probably failed their maths. Like I'm going to.

I really really want to cry.

Bye,
LILIN.

P.S: The scars faded away. ): iwantthembackNOW.

randomness

2007-04-15T16:10:00.000+08:00

WAHHHHHHHHHHHH SAI LAH! STUPID MATHS FILE WHO ASK YOU BE SO INCONSPICUOUS LUHHS. T.T I didn't bring my maths file back home which means I didn't bring my maths notes back home which means I don't know any formulas which means I can't do my maths homework at all. So from like, 11am this morning to 4.12pm right now, all I've done is my chemistry (abit) and english reading and writing (half undone). And I was attempting to do my maths worksheet 4 but in the end I decided not to do it anymore because I was getting more and more confused with all the formulas of alpha and beta and hell knows what lah. And I've got this bad bad feeling that I have done everything WRONG! >.< Shit man. I think I'll kill myself if I really did the entire question 1 wrong.

Which leaves me with my maths remedial worksheets (2 and 3) and my PT proposal. PT how to do syllabus? "I aim for all the St. John members to be able to do pumpings properly by the end of this month and how to do jumping jacks the accurate way by the end of next month."? Whatever. I'll just crap something out I guess. I loathe maths. I absolutely loathe maths to the core. Sometimes I wish I could just stop pretending I don't care and really don't give a shit about anything. Why I bother worrying and being concerned about stupid things don't make sense to me either.

Anyway, I'm looking for a couple of books and alot alot of songs. Stupid mp3000.net ain't working anymore. Must have been shut down by the internet police or something. ZZZ. Anyway, people interested in goth can go read 'You are so cursed!' by... can't remember the author's name. I like that book. Hehe. Okay actually it doesnt have anything much to do with goth besides the fact that the main character is a somewhat goth. Haha I'm interested in goth luhhs!

-Blue Bloods (De Cruz)
-Vampire Kisses III: Vampireville (OMG IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE FIRST TWO BOOKS GO READ 'EM MAN! THEY ROCKROCKROCKROCKROCK MY SOCKS OFF.)

Bytheway, if anyone happens to have these songs listed below send to me can? ((: I'd be really really really grateful :D

x Don't dream It's over - Crowded House
x Come what may - soundtrack from Moulin Rogue
x Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional
x Way Back Into Love - Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant (Music and Lyrics)
x Runaway Love - Ludacris feat. Mary J. BLige (this song is really damn touching go look the lyrics up. I'm not kidding.)
x Circle Circle Dot Dot - Jamie Kennedy
x Ring the Alarm - Ciara (!!! been looking for this for ages lor)
x Rompe - Daddy Yankee

Are those alot of songs? Haha I still have more but I shan't be greedy. >< But 98.7 FM is for some reason playing all acoustic songs right now. :/ Nevermind.

<33
LiLin
aka Kitty ^^

P.S: Thanks to the people who kept my taggie alive when I didn't update bytheway. Kekes.

2007-04-09T21:03:00.000+08:00

"Disconnected"

Sleeping awake and awake when I'm sleeping
I've got a dry kinda thirst when drenched
On sunny days all I can see is the shadow
And I'm not above being under
And I'm at the brink though I know that I'm empty
And I always hide when its my turn to seek
My only believe is not to have faith in believing
Before I begin I'm over

[chorus]

(Disconnected)Broken off again
And I'm only not lonely when I'm lonely by myself
(Disconnected)Numb in the pain again
I always back track forward
Cuz all in all I'm Disconnected

Quietly loud while I'm noisily silent
Keep holding my breath when I'm trying to breathe
Swimming against all of my waves and the rapids
I only win when I'm losing

[Chorus]

I just wanna live my life sedated
Cuz I love driving myself away
Disfunctionally sane don't give a damn
I cant comprehend what I understand

Disconnected
Numb in the pain again
I always back track forward
Cuz all in all I'm
Disconnected

Broken off again
And I'm only not lonely when I'm lonely by myself
Numb in the pain again
I always back track forward
Cuz all in all I'm
Disconnected

Disconnected. That's how I feel. For some reason, I feel fake. Whatever I do, whatever I say, it doesn't feel like I want to do it. When I laugh, I feel like I'm laughing just for the sake of it. When I talk, it's because I'm expected to. Am I? When I smile, it's like I drew a painting of someone frowning. Then I pasted a plastic smile over the frown. So it looks as though I'm smiling but underneath that smile... I don't know. I think that maybe I think I think too much. Yes, must be it. ((:

Nothing's wrong with me yea? :DDD Went to Vivo with my dearest WTFH first after school. We went to Candy Empire, and I bought JELLYBEANS!!! ^^ Then WTFH bough a tube of orange gel and shared it. And ate it like all along the way while we walked around Harbourfront/Vivo. Looked like they were eating some hair conditioner can - it taste like it anyway.

Then we went to Cheers (: where we bought like Magee Mee and 2 bottles of Pepsi Twist then we went to sit at the wheelchair ramp next to the MRT station to eat. We looked like damn lang2 bei4 can. T.T Then people were giving us curious glances. Wakaka. :X BUT IT WAS FUN!! It's like got the very xin4 fu2 feeling lor. Wait, is that how the hanyupinyin is supposed to be like?

After that went to Toys 'r' Us and took many many photos with the erm... toys. LOL. Then I go and put on some furry bunny ears haha damn retarded! >< Anyway, had loads of fun with WTFH. Then Suyu came to join us and we went to the playground just outside Burger King and relived our childhood. I think we're happy kids. AND THEN SOME LITTLE GIRL REJECTED ME WHEN I ASKED IF SHE WANT ME TO PLAY THE SEE SAW WITH HER?! OMG LAH CAN I FEEL SO HURT! haha. She was like, "No." I tell you she will be a real heartbreaker in future lor wtfh. Okay I was cursing and not calling my beloved members. ))):

Er yea I think that's all lah right. And there's no homework today.

AND I FINALLY UPDATED OKAY! : DDDD be touched, people! And I promise to reply my tags.... soon (:

<33
lilin
aka
kitty ^^

respect.

2007-04-02T20:25:00.001+08:00

Okay, my sincere apologies for not updating for such a long time. Knowing me, I'm just a lazy fat cat who refuses to do anything that requires the slightest bit of energy. Right, I'm exaggerating. Nevermind.

Now, on to my topic today:

Venue - 3L classroom
Time - Maths lesson

As usual, Qinyu was being the utmost joker and making me laugh like a mad ass regardless of the countless protests I made. And did I mention that there were many many ants surrounding our tables? Methinks it's because of my pretty scented candles. (I'M NOT KIDDING! THEY REALLY ARE PRETTY OKAY!) So OCL apparently couldn't tolerate the fact that we're having fun in his lesson while he's talking to the wall at the front of the class (ok i lie, people who like maths DO listen to him.), so he scolded us. Yea, and then made us go to the front of the class to share the joke with the class.

Frankly, I'm not pissed about that. If I were a teacher, I think I'd have the same reaction if I see two students being complete jokers in the middle of the class, laughing their heads off and not paying attention to me. What made me really MAD, was what he said later on.

"I am very disappointed. Especially you, Li Lin. I was about to praise you for your commendable effort in SJAB. *pauses* Best Member, was it? *I think:no you asshole it's called best leader. I say: Yea.* I was so proud of you when you went up that stage. Yes, now I'm really glad I didn't say it. I would have slapped myself in the face if I had. *I think:damn why didn't you do it, then we'll all have a good show.* Do you get what I mean? *I think: NO? I say: *nods* *"

HELLO? Putting in effort for SJAB and putting in effort in your class, are two completely different things. How can you link them together? Anyway, why do you make it sound as though I'd die if you didn't praise me? Do I look as though I want you to be proud of me? You're not my father for hell's sake. I don't need you to be proud of me. I am in no way related to you and no, you don't even have my respect.

How about respecting us before you expect us to respect you?

AND I CUT MY HAIR SO I LOOK LIKE A FUGLY MUSHROOM NOW! lol. Cost my $24 somemore. )): *watches money fly away* I'm never going back there again. Stupid hairdresser who refuses to layer my hair for me who's the customer here huh me or you? rah. Waste my time and money and lungs when I screamed after seeing my hair. Wakaka.

:/ never do my homework. So much for working hard this 2007. That resolution can never come true lah. Aha. Borrowed 'Father Unknown' by Lesley Pearse from the library today. I think it's not bad. ((: Shall read it instead of doing my homework. Hehe.

Yea lah nothing else to say le.

AT LEAST I UPDATED OKAY! xDDD

:DDDD I think OCL damn bu shuang me today. But do I look like I care? No.

<33
kitty aka LiLin. ^^

respect.

2007-04-02T20:25:00.000+08:00

2007-03-25T11:53:00.000+08:00

Blogger is so fucking screwed can. lol, I couldn't even access my own blog =.=

Hey barney, thanks for the tip. Haha, bullshit now I've to tell everyone that I changed my url. To hell with blogger, and to hell with all the stupid people who stopped blogging and refuse to delete their blog and make their URLs available for use again. razor-blade-kisses doesn't look quite as nice as razorbladekisses can. ):

Ohwells, I think I'm getting addicted to Mayday songs? :/ But they're actually quite nice, to be honest. Staring at the words appearing in this white box now, I'm beginning to realize that I should really be doing my mounds of homework. But no, I'm not. I'm still tapping away at this keyboard, trying to convince myself in my mind to DOMYHOMEWORK. I feel like cursing suddenly. Haha, however, for the sake of my INNOCENT audience, I must refrain from doing so. And no I did NOT curse in my first sentence.

List of homework:
X physics worksheet 3
X chinese worksheet
X maths worksheet

温柔五月天

走在风中今天阳光突然好温柔
天的温柔地的温柔像你抱著我
然后发现你的改变孤单的今后
如果冷该怎么渡过
天边风光身边的我都不在你眼中
你的眼中藏著什么我从来都不懂
没有关系你的世界就让你拥有
不打扰是我的温柔
不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心
明明是想靠近却孤单到黎明
不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你
不知不觉不情不愿又到巷子口
我没有哭也没有笑因为这是梦
没有预兆没有理由你真的有说过
如果有就让你自由
music
自由这是我的温柔

Thanks for recommending this song bytheway. (: Nice.

Anyway, had a great day on Friday, haha. Qinyu, I'm in love with your safety pin :DDD Did you know that safety pins WONT make you bleed no matter how many times you scratch over that same spot? Ah yes, Hook was damn retarded can. After my speech on why people shouldn't object against self-mutilation, he said something about "i'm sure noone in this class in pondering over *something something*". My entire corner burst out laughing.

Qinyu help me scratch my name on my hand. Hehe, it looks nice. And my name is freaking easy to carve lah. xD But then during Games Day later on during St. John it started to rain, then it was like freaking itchy. :/ Hmmms...

Let's talk about my new blogskin. YES I KNOW THE STUPID THING LOOKS LIKE 'SHITTING WHEN DEPRESSED'. Haha that's what I thought too, gave me a shock. (: I like this skin quite abit. Hehe, but I prefered the previous one. Stupid blogger REJECTED IT. I hate blogger. Maybe I should delete my blog. :DDD

Wait I really should do my homework now...

But I'm not?

Ohno, what am I going to DO.

HOMEWORKHOMEWORKHOMEWORK.

How about after lunch?

Ehhh. Great idea. Okay I shall do my homework after lunch. Meanwhile I should go and... erm. Talk to my dog? Not exactly. I should stare at my homework and try to digest it.

Yes, even better idea. I'm sure I will ~~not~~ be able to do such a simple task. xD

<33
lilin
aka kitty~

ZONE COMP

2007-03-18T13:39:00.000+08:00

This song is so touching. I think he's amazing to be able to forgive his father. I don't think I could have if I were him. I can't forgive.

Good Charlotte - Emotionless Lyrics

Hey dad I'm writing to you
Not to tell you
That I still hate you
Just to ask you
How you feel
And how we fell apart
How this fell apart

Are you happy out there in this great wide world?
Do you think about your sons?
Do you miss your little girl?
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night?
Do you even wonder if we're all right?
Well we're all right
We're all right

[Chorus:]
It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
It's not ok, but we're all right
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive

The days I spent so
Cold, so hungry
Were full of hate
I was so angry
The scars run deep inside this tattooed body
There's things I'll take
To my grave
But I'm okay
I'm okay

[Chorus:]
It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok, but we're all right
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive
Yeah I'm still alive

And Sometimes
I forgive
Yeah and this time I'll admit
That I miss you, said I miss you

[Chorus:]
It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
Itâ€™s not ok, but we're all right
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I'm writing just to let you know that Im still alive..

And sometimes I forgive
And this time I'll admit
That I miss you,
I miss you
Hey dad

Zone competition yesterday. 5 whole months of training for that single session of competing with all the other schools for champion. In fact, I would be lying if I said I don't really care if we don't win. Anyway, we didn't get champion. ): But Stella's team did! :DDD Like we said before the competition: If you get first, we must get second. If we get first, you must get second. RV MUST WIN WIN WIN!!!

Well, RV did win everything in the end, except for Ambulance where the stupid A1 got best in everything =.= And RV guys got second in position, with a horrifying difference of 60 marks between the champion and them. It's so clear that the sir is very biased against RV. Jealous that we got the champion last year and won every single category too? You just wait, I will make sure that next year, we win every single thing back. I'll leave you eating our dust and crying your pathetic tears. Fuck. You will pay. Even if RV didn't deserve the champion and their standard wasn't as good as last year, they didn't deserve to have such an extreme difference in marks either.

I'm ashamed of myself. I screwed everything up. LOL.

For footdrill I missed out an entire command, thank hell the sir wasn't looking at us do footdrill at that time. Busy gawking at another team with their kallang wave armswing. And then when the entire procedure finally ended, I couldn't even report because he was still TAKING HIS TIME STROLLING BACK. And I was standing there like some idiot. Until he stop walking then I can report. Anyway, our bangs were actually very good. :DDD

Next, how I screwed up first aid. Okay, actually first aid wasn't all that bad because I remembered to call the ambulance early! Hehe. And ma'am dearest, are you sure laceration is NOT AN IMPORTANT/SERIOUS INJURY? According to the first aid manual, laceration is caused by a strong ripping force, so either a chunk of flesh or skin should be hanging off. You're telling me that isn't serious? Yes, of course it isn't serious. And I didn't wear my gloves. And I forgot that I already told my no.4 to call the ambulance and after we had tilted the 'principal' into the recovery position, I was like: NO.3! GO AND CALL... *remembers that ambulance has been called* ...BANDAGE AND WIPE THE CASUALTY'S SWEAT!

Last category was nursing. It was held after lunch and I actually greeted the ma'am: Good MORNING, ma'am. ohmytians. OMG it was the worst case i've ever done in my entire life. Imagine talking and trying to smile sweetly at a dummy can! At least get a real person to act lah! T.T I almost died when the relative told me that the dummy was called 'Mary'. And the relative was called 'John'. With a freaking nasal voice. And I had to keep a smile plastered to my face. And I forgot to watch the chest rise and fall for breathing rate and ended up placing two fingers at the dummy's nostrils. No, not inside. You know how people always check if other people are dead? Yea, that method. The medication was totally screwed. Because... because it was just screwed okay. It was raped. Whatever. Then my Wanting and Fenghan didn't even get to do tepid sponging or bedmaking because I took up so much time. WTFH. I'm not cursing, I'm just screaming their names. Didn't wash hands either. Hmmms. I think that's all I screwed. I hope that is.

After nursing, we went back to the holding room. I was almost crying already cos I so screwed everything! We just sat there and ate and ate and laughed and laughed for 2 hours straight because we were so mentally stressed. We ate 3/4 bag of Lay's, 1 bag of Cheezels, 3/4 pack of Twisties, 5 wangwang xi-de-dong, 4 lollipops, 5 packs of green tea, 1 bottle of waterchestnut and sugarcane drink, okay I hope that's all we ate. NO! There was still the 4 fried eggs, 10 dumpling like things, 2 boxes of sandwhiches and... many many packets of seaweed. I think only RV stuffs their competitors with so much food. We were practically picnicking there! Aha, then all the other schools were like, their tables so empty. And ours right, Wanting couldn't even see Suyu's face because of the big bag of food. :DDD

Then there was the prize presentation ceremony. First was the footdrill commander course thing. Then ambulance category. Talked about the Rv guys already just now so shall go on to Nursing Cadet. First they announced fourth position, then third position. And we enver heard our team number the entire time. I was like already thinking: Okay, we clearly didn't get anything. Forget it. SUDDENLY!

"And in second position, NC5 from River Valley Corps."

I almost grinned but I somehow managed to march my team in front. Hehe. In the end, when I was right in front of the sir, I couldn't stand it, I smiled. Then he smiled back. Wow. I like that sir. After that was champion.... "NC7 from River Valley Corps." I think I almost screamed: STELLA YOU ROCK! Lol, I couldn't stop myself from grinning already. My whole body started shaking. LOL.

Individual categories: Stella's team got best in First Aid. :D But initially they said was Best in Nursing as well. Then later on found out that it was Bukit Batok Sec.

Then was Nursing Adult category. OF COURSE NINGYI'S TEAM GOT EVERYTHING! :DDD Best in Nursing/First Aid/Champion. THEY WERE SIMPLY AMAZING I TELL YOU. I NEARLY CRIED WITH JOY. See, I told you to trust your team, they'll never let you down! ((: I was right wasn't I? Keke. Okay I'm just houlianpi-ing.

My team got best in footdrill but this year no trophy like wth? And then we were the only team which passed footdrill. Again. Like mock comp that time. Right, we've a knack for being the only ones to pass. Haha. Okay so lame. Anyway, Stella's team scored 5 marks better than us for Nursing. And we got 5 marks better than them for footdrill. Then they got 0.5 marks better than us for First Aid! So guess what? The difference between the champion and the second team is like just 0.5 can! T.T But nevermind, still RV corps de. xD

Hmmm, then after everything ended we went to JEC to eat dinner @ LJS. My entire team. LWSF: I'm so proud of all of you. Everything that we have gone through in these past five months, I will treasure every single minute of them. Although this result was based largely on how we hugged the buddha's feet like mad for the last week, I still believe that it was also based on how hard we worked and all the effort we put into the competition. I love you guys for doing your best, for studying so hard, for laughing, for crying, for hugging away when we're doing nursing, for running away in different directions everytime, for being emo.... for being just the way you are. No matter what happens, you'll always be my one and only team. I don't care if others said we couldn't have made it. I said that we definitely can make it and we did. We're the special-est team ever, because we're the ap-est. haha, not exactly. But we're certainly the most emotionally unstable and emo-est team. HAHA. You have to agree with that right! xD You're all the best no. 2, 3, and 4 that I can ever have. I'm glad I so strongly objected to the idea of switching teams. Because I don't think I could have worked so well with them. I know all of us have had thoughts of quitting comp before, but I'm really really happy that none of us really did so. Because then, we'd never have had the chance to go for the real competition, or own all the other schools like we did. So in short, I love you girls. LOL, I know I was like damn naggy and all giving you all so many many many letters. Just wanted to encourage you all mah. Keke, anyway, I'm also glad I believed in you. (:

<33
lilin
aka kitty ^^

And did you have to spoil my mood so quickly after I reached home? After finding out that I got best leader. No, wait I didn't even tell you that. Because I know you'd definitely say something like "Best leader still don't know how to whatwhatwhat arh." I didn't even pick a fight or argument with you. You just started to scold me. You just blew up at me after I said one neutral sentence. Then you blame me for your quarrels with dad. It's not my fault okay. No, it's always my fault. It's always me, never you. I'm always the one to make you quarrel with him. It's shameful to cry because I'm 15 already. Oh I'm sorry but I never realized that once I reach teenage adolescence, my tear ducts will stop working immediately. What am I? Inhumane? Maybe I should just train myself to control my emotionless and be EMOTIONLESS. I should never cry again. I must never cry again. I must remain emotionless no matter what. Go find me lessons on that and then I will learn. Fuck. I hate it when you do this. I didn't even start the argument.

update!

2007-03-04T21:26:00.000+08:00

To satisfy that shark lurking about in my flooded tagboard, holding out a *soggy* cookie that looks absolutely ~~disgusting~~ delicious and tempting, I shall update. On what else, but the upcoming cross country and UG camp? ((:

CROSS COUNTRY.

This horrifying, albeit kinda good 'cos we get to skip lessons, event is occuring tomorrow! Held at where? TURF CITY WHERE THE HORSES USED TO ROAM. And did I mention ~~he was buying a bar~~ that I'm in Centaur? And what is Centaur, you ask? Centaur is a mythical creature, half human and half horse. Now everyone repeat after me where we're going to run for cross country again.

"TURF CITY WHERE THE HORSES USED TO ROAM!"

Thaaaaat's right. Centaurs are half horsies! And we're running in a place where horsies used to run and therefore who will win? CENTAUR!

Centaur's house color is RED. And although CNY just ends today, Mr. Faizad believes that the luck is still there. So who will win? CENTAUR! :DD

Although I strongly belief that I will not be able to make it through the run... I promise to finish it. BEcause I don't want to get lost and end up home at 1.30am.

UG CAMP.

Ah yes, I will breeze through this topic because I need to go search youtube for dance videos. Guess what we're going to dance to! (:

Why're you looking at me expectantly? I SAID GUESS!

Here are the details:
X I'M A AFFINITY! :DDD (ningyi are you jealous?)
X 9th, 10th, 11th March
X We're dancing on the second night, everyone's dancing actually.
X i hope it's fun
X yea i don't know what else to say?

Uh huh that's all I think.

Gotta go now.

Beryl, I hope you're satisfied and you can keep your cookie. (:

TATAS.

<33
lilin